Author’s Note: This was a paper I wrote in high school and the quotes I used in this paper are from Journey to the East by Hermann Hesse [these are edits I made from his quotes]. This paper has a lot of informal writing and is about a part of my high school experience.
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“The best of these experiences really worth relating are those which reflect the spirit of it.”
They weren’t kidding when they said that high school was going to fly by very quickly. Honestly, who would’ve thought that? Even uttering those words as a freshman was laughable. Thinking back on those words, I wished that I would’ve taken that statement more seriously. Nevertheless, here we are… less than one week before my classmates and I graduate. For my classmates and I, I liked to think that for us all to get through high school, it was something that we were “[destined] to join in” and whether it was a “great experience” or a terrible one, it was a journey that we had to go through. From this journey, we could learn and find out more about ourselves, what our tendencies are, how we act in certain situations, etc. Everyone has their own goals, aspirations, and promises, that they want to fulfill in their time in high school. Entering high school, I had some goals in my mind that I wanted to achieve. In no order; maintain a 3.0 GPA, finish school and commit to a four-year university, don’t fail or drop any of my classes, etc. Most of which were trivial goals. Most goals, aspirations, and promises can be achieved by how much effort is committed to them. Effort wise for my dedication to my goals, I would say that I stayed dedicated to those goals until I failed or achieved them. I won’t make any excuses for the ones that I couldn’t achieve. Am I disappointed in myself? Yeah, I am, but at one point I decided “whatever happens” I would just let it be. Not everything that a person wants to achieve can be accomplished. “Even if I” was given “ten” or “a hundred” chances to relive my “difficult” journey, I truly believe that I will “always arrive at the same cul-de-sac.” I would be lying if I didn’t say that I wasn’t intrigued by the results of my journey if I would’ve taken a different path, but there was a reason for me to be on this particular path, I just haven’t figured out yet on why I chose this path.
My journey was eventful, to say the least. One event that I’ll never ever forget was the opportunity and time I spent in New York City with my fellow choir members in my sophomore year. We spent five days and four nights, and in that short time span, I truly realized what it meant to be a part of something better and bigger than myself. Words can’t describe the emotions that I felt during those times. We all were connected by a special bond of knowing that we achieved something that is so rare to find and create, we were a family. And yes, we do have a Chico High family, but, this was something that was even more special than that. For us all, we had one common goal that united the whole choir. “They are just a choir,” is how some people would simply see us as. But the bonds that I created with those seniors and juniors that year told me a different story. One incident solidified for me why I considered them my family. On the night before graduation in my sophomore and junior year after “I turned out the light” and “went to [lay on my] bed”, I couldn’t sleep. I stayed awake thinking, wow… After graduation tomorrow, they’ll be gone. I probably will never see some of them ever again. They gave me so much joy in my life and the thought of continuing high school “without [them and their] enthusiasm” was disheartening to the point where I wept. I was selfish in wanting them to stay, which I don’t have an entitled right to but I felt like with the seniors and juniors leaving, “[my journey] itself seemed in a mysterious way [lost some of its] meaning.”
How will people remember me? This honestly feels like self-bragging and I’ve come to the realization that sometimes we don’t talk enough about the positives in ourselves and focus too much on the negatives. It’s hard, honestly. I think that people who know me will remember that I was a kind, generous, and genuine friend/person. I believe that I really was selfless, ninety-five percent of the time I would prioritize another person’s well-being instead of mine. Now you are probably asking why? What benefits do you get from that? Doesn’t that leave you able to be used and harmed? I did it because that’s just the type of person I am. This is ironic considering my father isn’t the greatest of people and I practically grew up without one even though he was around the house. My mother, well my first time ever getting to see her in my life was during the summer after my freshmen year. What little information I could gather after I visited her, made the idea of me being nice, a little less ironic.
To answer the second question above, yes it did leave me in a vulnerable place to be used and potentially be harmed, you may think that I am lying but I couldn’t care less. Of course, I won’t help you anymore if you break my trust or did something that I didn’t like and I won’t be someone who you could rely on. But I said that I couldn’t care less because there once comes a point when you’ve been hurt so many times that it sorts of becomes normal. You may be thinking, what in the heck are you talking about? Trust me on this, I’m going to turn nineteen in less than twenty days. During these short eighteen years that I’ve lived through, I experienced things that would make a person kill themselves to stop the pain and struggle that they must deal with constantly. Now I understand that everybody has a different type of struggle that they must go through and that’s reasonable. I too, like many others believe that their own struggle was unique and different. It’s such an indescribable pain when you somehow get betrayed by almost every close person you associated yourself with within such a short time period. But enough of this, the mood is starting to get too sulky and unwanted.
“All human beings have three faces, one they show to friends, teachers, and acquaintances, another one for family, and one face they never show/share with anyone.” That is what a wise man once told me. This saying has stuck with me for a very long time and it has been proven true multiple times throughout my life, hearing this statement and seeing it happen. The more I thought about it and the more I saw it happened, I was convinced that it was true but the wise man never told me if the third face was a positive or negative one? The way I acted in school was the same way I acted outside of school. Would I still act the same way as I do now in the future? No, “what!”, well change happens and it’s inevitable, but I would want people to know me like how people in high school knew me. I still want to be that kind, generous, and reliable friend/person. I’ll change in some aspects but I know it within myself that they won’t be bad things/changes. Of course, there will always be the “three faces” type of deal but I still want to remain as genuine as possible. Being this type of person has been beneficial for most of my life. I don’t have people who I would consider my enemies, I’ve surrounded myself with a great group of friends, and people really appreciate the type of person I am. Overall, I would want to remain as much of myself as possible.
With every journey, there needs to be a reflection. A reflection back on the journey that you’ve undertaken and see if you’ve made an impact. I truly don’t believe that I didn’t do anything that impacted other people. Or this is just me being humble but I honestly didn’t do anything special. Sure, I did four years of volleyball and four years in choir but that wasn’t anything special. Yes, I did both student government and Sac Street boys both in the same year but that’s not special. I was picked as one of the students to receive an award on Thursday night who teachers have recommended students that they deem have been a positive impact on the staff or the school. And I am very grateful for that, never thought that I would receive an award for simply being nice. In my own opinion, I don’t think that I impacted the school in any significant way. If anything, I can only believe it by my own self-given validation. I wasn’t a very artistic person, wasn’t the best player on the court, nor was I the best singer in the choir, not to mention not even one of the smartest students in my graduating class. I was just a “regular” student who didn’t want to disappoint himself, his peers, or his teachers. What I would consider someone as an impactful individual is someone who will be remembered for a very long time. Most students will be forgotten by their teachers, I’m just like them, after a short period of time everyone will be forgotten, and the only ones who will be remembered, are the impactful ones.
Oh my god is it over? Less than five more days before this journey truly ends, but when one door closes, another one opens. Now I can use this. “I was overcome by an infinite weariness and desire to sleep, and I turned away [from the computer] to find [my bed] and sleep [for a couple of hours before I have to finish my journey].”
“He who travels far will often see things far removed from what he believed was the truth.”
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