Letter From Your Sister

Author’s Note: Hello everyone! I hope you’re doing well. Sorry about this first part, it’s a long explanation and filler about what you’re going to read. This story touches on things such as; people’s inner thoughts, the things we think about when we’re alone when people are depressed, the feeling of loneliness, people’s unspoken thoughts, and the desires people want in life and the desires they can’t have.

I gained the idea of writing this from a community called Hmong Legacy. Hmong Legacy supports Hmong students by creating a sense of community and empowerment. This allows students with a great opportunity to create a connection with Hmong students and personal growth. Hmong Legacy has been around CSU, Chico since the Spring Semester of 2018. And ever since then, it’s grown and expanded.

There was a topic that came up both times during the Spring 2018 and Fall 2019 semesters. That topic was about ‘Family.’ And if you’ve read my other stories or writings, you know that my interpretation of the ‘word’ family is very… difficult for me to describe. I’m somewhere in between, a family doesn’t matter, and indifferent about family. I’m not going to go into detail about what I mean but just know that I can do it with or without family. Basically, it’s not a necessity to me like maybe other people who value the word, family.

Can we agree that dreams are weird sometimes? Not like dreams and aspirations of wanting to become something in the future. But like dreams when people go to sleep. Weird might not be the best description of what I’m trying to say. But hopefully, you get what I mean. Like maybe one night you dream you’re a school teacher and then the next night you dream of flying across the sky on a rocket to Mars… No one? Just me? Okay…

Anyways, dreams are cool but weird at the same time. I’m not going into the scientific side of dreams and all that stuff because I’m not an expert in that field. I’m going to stop here with a brief context of why I’m writing this. And if you do finish reading this story, then you’ll see the rest of my explanation at the end. So, sit back, relax, and I hope some parts of this story can connect or resonate with you.

19 Minutes Read

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I woke up one day… and it just felt surreal. Like I didn’t dread waking up. No, it wasn’t the weekend, although I do love Saturdays. It’s like one of those days where you wake up and you feel alive. Like you feel happy to be alive. Feeling like today is going to be the best day of your life due to an event, special occasion, etc. I lay in bed breathing in the crisp morning air that sneaks in through my slightly opened window.

I look down at the blanket that is embracing my body. A huge smile appears on my face. It’s just not any old blanket. It’s my green baby blanket. My baby blanket has one cartoonish-looking brown bear imprinted on the blanket. There’s a little bear who looks like a baby cub. The baby bear is gripping a string attached to three balloons. Each balloon has a different color. The left one is yellow, the middle is blue, and the right one is pink. There are also flowers surrounding the bears. The old vibrant green is now faded and light. It’s the single longest possession I have in my life.

The sounds of music softly enter the room. I couldn’t really hear what the music was or who the artist was. It was probably a kpop song or some smooth R&B. I sat up from lying down still wondering why I was so happy. I looked to my right and on the small black nightstand, there was a small note lying on top. Curious about what could be on the note, I reached over to grab the letter. The bed let out a small creak when I shifted my body weight to grab the note. I yawned and stretched my arms and legs before I read the note. “There’s some breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen. I’m really excited, it’s finally the big day! Teela is helping me so don’t worry. See you later today!”

I was puzzled while reading the note. Who’s the person who wrote this letter? And who is Teela? I walked out of the bedroom towards the bathroom. It was connected to the bedroom. I turned on the light and saw the cardinal-colored toothbrush next to my white toothbrush. The cardinal toothbrush probably belongs to one of them. I washed my face and I stood there looking at my reflection in the mirror. And again I was uncontrollably smiling. Is it because of the person who wrote the note? I walked out of my bedroom and towards the kitchen. The smell of yummy food guided me. I sat down and ate away at my breakfast. I thought to myself that this food is really good. Whoever the person is, they can cook. After finishing my meal, I placed the dishes in the sink and went back to my room.

I opened my closet and I immediately noticed a fine white suit with my name tag stuck on it. Before I was able to do anything else, I heard a knock from the front door. I quickly went to greet the guest who visited me. I opened the door and a flash of light overtook me. When I regained consciousness, I was in my white suit at a really large venue. I was shaking hands with the various people who were entering the venue. They kept saying congratulations to me and handing me gifts.

I had no idea why they were being so kind and generous to me. My friends, colleagues, mentors, teachers, professors, uncles, cousins, and everyone of importance to me was here. It wasn’t until the fifth or sixth guest asked me “Where’s your soon-to-be wife at?” My mind went blank for a couple of seconds and I had a light bulb moment. In my head, I was internally screaming. “This is my wedding!!!” It all started making sense now. There are still some things I’m confused about but this answered many questions I previously had.

After greeting and thanking everyone for attending my wedding. I finally had time to myself to rest and reflect on this moment in my life. I wandered around for a bit to find a quiet and serene place. I didn’t realize the venue was so big. Somehow, I ended up on the rooftop. I noticed my mind has been really forgetful lately. Maybe it’s because of all the things that are happening today.

A slight breeze coming in from the east calms my mind. I stare off toward the nearby cherry blossoms on the ground. I began to think about my life. I thought about the many ‘wants’ I always wished for growing up. Marriage is one of those wants. And now I’m close to obtaining it. But there are many other things I still wanted. I might sound too greedy for wanting this… but growing up. I always wished I had a sister.

I had an older brother and that was alright I guess. I wanted a sister in general, but specifically a younger sister possibly. Someone who would look up to me as their role model. But then… I think of my life and I suddenly don’t wish for a sister. I don’t want a blood sister in this lifetime. I don’t want her to experience the hardships I experienced in this cruel world. All those hungry nights? No. All those emotionally abusive nights? No. All that pain and suffering? No. She can’t… Not that I don’t believe my sister is strong. I believe she will have the strongest willpower between my sibling and me.

I want her to save her tears for something or someone that she’ll actually love and care about. I believe that my sister would be beautiful both inside and outside. I mean, if I’m cute already. Then, my sister is going to be beautiful. But I’ll probably be too scared for her. Just knowing how twisted and evil some men are, I would be too afraid of her well-being. She’ll be the best version of both my brother and I. Even with all of that, I do still wish for a sister, just not in this lifetime.

I wiped away the tears gathering around my eyes. I took a deep breath and I went back into the venue. I got lost on where I was going and I ended up at a place where I was not supposed to. I ended up in front of the bride’s room. There was a label on top of the door to signify it. In the Hmong culture, you can see the bride before the wedding. But in American culture, it’s deemed bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony. My curiosity got the better of me so I stepped close to the door with the intent of opening it to see my wife. Before I made contact with the doorknob, I heard an angry woman’s voice saying something to me. I turned around to see a girl around the same height as me running up to me.

She ran up and gave me a pretty good jab onto the side of my stomach. “You know you’re not supposed to see the bride before the ceremony.” said the woman. “Ouch, that really hurts. Wait, hold on. What? And who are you?” I said confusedly while in pain. “Are you okay? I didn’t hit you that hard. Or I guess I did and that made you forget your own sister?” the stranger said cheerfully. “Yeah, it hurts… Wait. Did you just say, sister?” I asked slowly. “Yeah, I’m your sister. Come on bro. Why are you acting so weird? I know I look great in this dress but you should see my sister-in-law. She’s gorgeous!” said my sister. I can’t tell if she’s lying or not but with the way she’s talking to me, I’ll just assume that she’s telling the truth.

She’s around my height, so like around 5’5 or 5’6. A natural color mixture of brown and black hair. Defined jawline. Cute smile. Small lips. Honey brown eyes. Regularly sized forehead. Her hands are a bit bigger than mine. Those are the physical features I’m able to remember anyway. She’s wearing a beautiful blue dress with white accents. But, I’m still thinking about the jab she hit me with so I could be totally wrong in all of them. “So, why can’t I see my wife again?” I asked innocently. “It’s an American wedding, but it’s also a Hmong wedding. So, I guess it doesn’t matter. But if it helps you two to see each other before the ceremony. By all means, go for it.” said my sister.

“I want to give you this before it is too late because you’ll be too busy dancing and talking to all your wonderful guests.” said my sister. She took out an envelope and a small tissue package. Before she gave me the items, she pulled me in for a warm long hug. “I’m so proud of you big bro. You can either read it now after I leave or read it once everything has calmed down. I made sure to pack some tissues for you because I know you cry easily.” my sister teasingly said to me.

My sister handed me the envelope and tissues. I watched her walk away cheerfully and once I couldn’t see her anymore. I opened the envelope to find a letter. I took the letter out of the envelope and I noticed it was actually a couple of pages long.

To: Manting Xiong

From: Teela Xiong

“Hi, big bro! It’s your younger sister, Teela!

I know you adore handwritten letters so I made sure to write one for you. First of all, congratulations! You’re getting married! I’m so proud of you. Although you’ll probably hear that very often today and tonight. I wanted you to know how proud I am of you. I know he doesn’t say it at all but I want you to know big big bro is proud of you too. He can be very difficult at times but that’s a part of family. They should tell you how they feel but they’re too shy sometimes. I’m sure your biological Mom is very proud of you. I remember what you told me when you asked Mom what she thought of my sister-in-law.

Mom didn’t approve of it. It’s okay though because you have me and all of these wonderful people who came to your wedding! And you are the one that has to be happy. She’ll come around eventually, I know it for sure. My sister-in-law has a way of bringing people together. So, don’t be sad if she’s not here today. And I know you don’t want to talk about Dad but he tried, we all know that… He just didn’t try hard enough. Good people make mistakes, that doesn’t make them bad people.

It just means they’re human. But some people make more mistakes than others. And in the process, many people are hurt deeply. And many others, they’re still healing from it. You have such a big heart but that means you need the most time to heal too. Also with grandma… She loved you the most. You know you were the favorite. She took care of us when we weren’t even her own. She always loved your eyes. She’s proud of you too big bro. Remember when she would always ask you “When are you getting married?” And you were sixteen at that time! She was very eager to see your grandchildren. Don’t be sad about her not being here. She’s watching from far above. She’s in a better place now. Although, I do wish my sister-in-law could’ve met her in person. Grandma would’ve praised her for how beautiful she was.

Whether you know it or not, you’re an inspiration to me, big bro! Because in you, I see an amazing, awesome, brave, charismatic, compassionate, courageous, dedicated, gentle, great, hardworking, hopeful, humorous, incredible, intelligent, kind, mindful, motivated, passionate, resilient, strong, understanding, and vulnerable person. All these things make you a leader. Continue to cultivate these things because they will bring you success and take you far. You have such high potential and a bright future. You give and bring hope to others and you are a role model to many. But I also wonder if you’re really fine… Is it really worth it in the end even after all those painful sufferings you experienced?

I know how you feel. You’ve been through too much. Remember to take a deep slow breath. Letting the air into you until both sides of your heart feel senseless. Until it hurts you a little. Then, slowly let out all the breath you have. Keep letting it out until you feel like there’s nothing left inside you. Running out of breath is fine. No one will blame you. It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes because no one is perfect and anyone can make mistakes. Even adults make mistakes when they’re old and when they are our age. There’s a first time for everything.

It’s alright, we just need to go through it and grow, go ahead and cry. I remember seeing you cry for the first time. To be honest I was taken aback to see my big brother cry in front of me. I realized only then how difficult it must’ve been for you. You did your best to protect me. Let it all out, screw what others think to see you cry. I know crying brings you comfort because you’ve endured it all for too long. I already know you had a day that’s hard enough. Letting out even a small tear brings you comfort. Just let it out like that big bro…

Feeling better? Good, I’m happy that helped. But now you’ve found the one! You gotta let me in on the secret though! How in the heck did you get her to pick you?! You outdid yourself with this one big bro, I’m joking! I didn’t know you liked this type of woman?! Okay fine, I’ll stop teasing you now. Oh yeah, how did you propose to her? Was it something cliche? Or was it romantic? You gotta tell me these things after. I asked my sister-in-law but she said she’ll share it after the wedding. Just tell me the tea, please.

 I’m grateful she chose you. I told you, that waiting all this time would pay off. Now I won’t have to worry too much about you. She’ll take care of you now. She’ll hold you at night when you’re alone. She’ll make you delicious food. She’ll be the one to care for my nieces and nephews. She’ll love you like you deserve to be loved. She’ll care for you when you’re sick. When you feel tired from a long day, she’ll be there to comfort you. When you fall down, she’ll be there to pick you back up. I know you’ll do all these things for her too big bro.

She’ll have these privileges and opportunities that I won’t have. I won’t be able to do those things for you anymore big bro. We both know I don’t have much time left anyway. Congratulations again on your marriage big bro. I will forever be grateful to have a big brother like you Ting. A big brother who continued to believe in the good of the world even when the world gave you every reason not to. I’ll try to come to visit you two soon. You’re doing enough. You’re doing just fine. I know you and you’re trying your best right now. That’s all you need. Just keep your pace. You did a great job today, you worked so hard. You are my prize. Bye, big bro…

I finished reading the letter. It’s a good thing Teela gave me these tissues. She really is my sister. Not a lot of people know I cry easily. A part of me wants to run to my sister and give her a hug. I hesitated on going after her. At that moment, the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard called out my name. Asking me to enter the room. I had forgotten, I came here to see my wife. As I opened the door. Another flash of light overtook me. That was when I woke up from my dream.

The End

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Hello everyone! And with that comes the end of my story; Letter From Your Sister. I want to say thank you to you the readers who have taken the time to read this story. I hope you were able to enjoy it. I apologize if I made you cry. For the most part, I had dreamt I was getting married. I never met my wife in my dream. I was only able to greet the people who were at my wedding. So, everything else I added to create this story. Growing up I never had a good definition of what family is. To me, a family was just another word for people or friends that were closer to you in terms of relationship and connection.

It didn’t mean anything else to me. I thought that way due to my experience of growing up in my ‘family’ which wasn’t really a family. It was just a group of individuals surviving life that so happened to live together. More often than not, my friends became my family more than the real family I lived with. You know when the shit hits the fan and your family is supposed to hold you down right? I never had that growing up. I held myself down because I was the only person I could faithfully rely on. So, I often see family as something that doesn’t have to be blood-related.

Other people can become your family too. Now I have people who aren’t even related to me that I call family. In the future, I hope I can redefine that word for myself so I can cultivate and nurture a family. This will probably be my last writing and story for a while. The semester is starting to get really busy. Plus, I’m also working on other things on the side. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope everyone stays safe, stays healthy, and I hope this year treats you well. Bye!

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Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.