IGWLTM Haibun

Author’s Note: Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last uploaded new works on my WordPress. Fall 2021 semester has been very difficult for me so I haven’t had too much time to edit or even write creatively. But I remember that I had some works stashed away in my vault so I decided to upload these while I try to complete my other side projects. I hope you all are doing well and enjoy!

2 Minutes Read

If God Was Listening To Me, he would know that I want to one day win the lottery. Sounds greedy, right? But If God Was Listening To Me, she would know that I would donate a quarter of those winnings to various civil rights organizations. If God Was Listening To Me, he would know how much it hurts for me to believe in the good within this country that hates me for being here. Why do you create these people with evil intentions of hurting the elders in my community? Or are these just the bad apples you decide to create from time to time as a form of entertainment for yourself? If God Was Listening To Me, she would know I despise everything about her for being the cause of wars, death, justification for expansion… Did you enjoy painting Jerusalem with tears and blood? Would you have spared the Natives and let them keep their land if they believed in you first? If God Was Listening To Me, he would know that I think of him as nothing. For I’ve been told by your followers that I cannot obtain X, Y, or Z without converting and putting faith in you. But you see, I have gotten this far without ever putting faith in you. So, why should I start now? And, if you created us? Who created you? And, the one after that? I would love to know. And yet, If God Was Listening To Me, they would know that I am thankful for him, as they have provided an “out” with a strong foundation for someone important in my life. They are happier now, even if I myself can’t understand why, I know you had something to do with it. I thank you for that, even if I don’t want to admit it.

maybe you do hear
but I doubt it, maybe once
listen to me, please?

Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.

December 18, 2021 0

Home of the Me Nyuam Ntsuag

2 Minutes Read

How did you survive here?

I mean, you’re still alive in this town so something must’ve worked. You’re staying for education but besides that, what else are you staying here for? What else are you waiting for?

20th street park is dead silent now. No more false fire alarms going off in Chapman Elementary. No more music of mischievous Hmong kids running around the playgrounds. The rooted trees disappear like people.

How many students from your elementary class graduated with you from Chico High? How many of you are deceased or jailed? How many are you actually went to college? Do you see how you’ve all changed?

Do you hate me? Surely you must… for I’ve blessed you and yet, I’ve taken so much from you. I’ve housed you, raised you, and forsaken you. The tiny little cub who wasn’t supposed to survive did.

I saw you lose your first kiss on White Avenue. I saw you simping to your crush during Junior prom on Patrick Ranch. I saw you cry yourself to sleep at night on Colorado, Midway, Virginia, and Guill street.

Hate me, resent me, curse me to hell, and hope I burn with everything you have. Have it so that when you hear my name and violent voice. You will shake and quiver with fear like on November 20th in 2015.

So when the time comes to leave me. It’ll feel natural and healing. To finally sigh with relief that you’ve defeated your demons. Even as the tears of joy and sadness you held in for so long escape you.
Because I am the town that raised you, my me nyuam ntsuag.

Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.

December 18, 2021 0

Why Must You Be Strong

2 Minutes Read

If you become a strong shield in order to protect others,
who will be able to protect you when you begin to shatter?
If you become strong and repel your emotions like a robot,
how will you ever feel the excitement that only love can expose? Or
know the heartbreak of losing someone you care about?
If you become strong and do everything by yourself,
how will you ever make friends and show that you are trustworthy?
If you become a strong workhorse, how will you ever lay
those heavy burdens on your shoulders down and learn to relax?
If you become too strong, when will you decide that I’m no longer needed in your life?
Do you want to know the worst part about being strong?
     Is that no one asks if you’re “Okay?”
Are you eating well? Are you sleeping enough?
These questions will not be directed toward you if they are,
I know it will be an insult to you than it being a sign of caring.
Maybe this is a feeling that parents have to endure
as they watch their youngins grow up.
When the parents suddenly aren’t needed as much anymore
because the kids are “grown-up” now.
Naturally, we become strong and leave the nest,
and I think back, did I lose them because I became too strong?
Or did they lose me because they were too weak?
It saddens me that when someone becomes strong,
they will both gain and lose things they took for granted.

Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.

December 18, 2021 0

Laughter

1 Minute Read

Laughter is like the rain. Sometimes it lasts throughout
A day. Sometimes it lasts only for a moment, allowing
Unique memories for us to remember. Laughing loud like
Gongs getting hit or silent laughs escaping your breath.
Here, it gives us comfort and makes difficult moments
Turn 180 degrees, or down to a lesser degree
Everyone needs laughter, just like the
Rain

Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.

December 18, 2021 0

Cooking, Wear Lessons Are Learned

2 Minutes Read

Every time I cook, I remind myself of the life lessons
I’ve learned. I wear some of them physically,
emotionally, and mentally. Wildly enough, I think
about these lessons during the times when I cook. It
may be due to the amount of waiting cooking
requires. The sounds of chopping echos in my head
remind me of my first failed attempt at cooking.
The delicate meat was cooked too quickly on the
outside, leaving the inside raw and ugly. Just like
getting to the end without understanding the journey.
The smell of bacon, so fatty and delicious that it
makes me weep, I am reminded of the ancient times
when I didn’t have to worry about food. A meal
cooked by someone who I thought would be around
forever. Now, it is a homecooked meal I could never
return to. The sight of the blade sharpening in order
to be used effectively reminds me of my mind. It is
serrated, sharp yet still dull. There is no handle, the
blade impales anyone who touches it. The blade
consistently cuts, tears, slices, stabs, and separates.
The blood and juice stain the blade after every usage,
it is washed and purified. Just because the ingredients
are expensive doesn’t mean the meal will turn out well.
Nothing will if you cook it without care. But the
opposite is also true. Even cheap ingredients can be tasty
if you cook them with care to bring out their unique
qualities. But most importantly, the chef is to blame for
the success and failure of the dish.

Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.

December 18, 2021 0

Postcard To The Little Nines

1 Minute Read

Hello Little Nines,
Laughing and smiling as you should
Hair flipped and twisted like the cruel world
Please understand we did what we could
We have taken all the silver except your gold
Knowing it will make you bend but never fold
I see you,
   Crawling hesitantly
     Walking clumsily
       Running bravely
         Driving recklessly
       Flying freely
     Learning sadly
   Loving foolishly
Settling happily
Resting peacefully
Away. You continue to journey further and deeper.
      Take some time to slow down and cry
You’ve earned it,
      just like the knot you will one day tie
Your optimism waning like an ember
So ephemeral and exhausted,
      yet it is fighting with all its might
We begin these wars that you will eventually fight in
      What will we say to them,
      when they all start dying because of our lies?
You will become something someday or nothing at all.
Being nothing is fine since nothing lasts forever.

Sadly, WordPress has format restrictions on what it can do so the end product on here will look somewhat different from how I intentionally wanted it to be. So if there are some parts that don’t quite look in the right place, I apologize for that.

Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.

December 18, 2021 0

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