Author’s Note: This is a portfolio that I had to submit for my last assignment for my ENGL 420W – Advanced Poetry Writing class at CSU, Chico during my Spring 2021 semester. Below, you will find two poems and one letter to my younger self. For this submission, we had to use a photo or painting that we took/made to represent our title and the works we’ve produced this semester. But WordPress won’t let me publish it without a title so I decided to title it Grateful. Right below this author’s note is a photo of me because that is the photo I chose for my title. If you are reading this on your phone, please turn it sideways to landscape for the correct format! I hope you enjoy these!

8 Minutes Read

---

Let Me As You

Let me as you talk,
     sit next to you like kids at a playground whispering secrets we don’t want adults to hear
     as you make me forget all the Zoom calls from earlier today
     for your voice is the anthem of love I’ve been searching for.
Let me as you walk,
     thunderclap with joyous pride to see you achieve your goals
     as your amber light illuminate the darkest caves you venture into
     for the emerald tunnel you’ve built, is one I will die following.
Let me as you weep,
     let my sturdy shoulders be the soft pillow your head can rest on
     as the black tears from your light makeup drip down my tan arms
     carrying the emotions only those who have died inside can express.
Let me as you gasp in shock,
     kneel down on my violet bruised knee like I’ve practiced this all my life
     as I reveal the diamond ring kept hidden next to our bed this whole time
     for I’m about to ask one of the scariest questions in my life.
Let me as you sleep,
     put the little angels to bed as it has already been an hour since “30 more minutes please?”
     as I sing twinkle twinkle little star to them and get lost in their stares
     for they have eyes that sing the saddest songs with the happiest melodies.
Let me as you smile,
     tell you what you remind me the most about
     as I explain “You’re like choir to me”
     for when I sing I can’t be mad, it’s all love and positivity that I can’t resist it.
Let me as you fade away,
     bury you with the daisies you enjoyed the most
     as I will sit down next to your tombstone and tell you about how much the kids have grown
     for there are two types of pain in this world. One that shows our weaknesses and one that shows our strengths.
     I sincerely hope that tomorrow I can experience this wonderful dream again.

---

A Cry So Bad

Have you ever had a cry so bad, you didn’t know when the tears would stop?
 A cry where everything inside of you ached feverishly?
                one where your heart felt as if it would burst out of your chest
                as if the organs inside your body twisted and turn like wet clothes being wringed
                as you vomit from your eyes with enough tears to water the Mojave desert
                and cry loud enough to wake up the dead from 100 years ago.
 A cry where at the end you’re so exhausted that you drift off to a peaceful sleep
 on the wet pillow soaked in your grief and pain
 as you realize no matter how many bottles you empty,
 the tears will continue to flow deep like the pockets of millionaires
                and far like the Mekong River, sinking deeper and deeper. 
        A cry where you thought you had “move on”
 one where you’re reminded of the gaping wound still freshly exposed
 as your heart knows the lies you told it reassures “you’re in a new” phase now but the
                the wind reminds you that they have Spring allergies and the smell of coffee reminds you
                they like a white chocolate mocha with caramel syrup during Winter from Starbucks.
 A cry where you shed tears for yourself and the journey you undertook.
 one where you graduated and passed an influential phase of your life
                as you reflect on the experience you endured, shedding tears
                for the ones that are six feet under and the ones who never had the opportunity
                And you shed tears for the ones that gave you so much to remember.
Have you ever had a cry so bad, that it healed everything inside of you like a magic potion?
 I wish you will have that cry one day.
 one filled with validation of your neglected feelings and sincerity
 one filled with rallying cheers and bearhugs
 and especially, one filled with “thank yous and you’re welcome”
 with the people you’ve impacted and the ones that have impacted you.

---

Letter to a Poet – Manting Xiong

Dear Manting Xiong,

I read your poems “Let Me As You” and “A Cry So Bad” for my class for our final portfolio project. I want to start off by saying thank you for writing and sharing these pieces of poetry with the world. I’ve actually read all of your previous works and I really enjoyed the pieces you’ve written this semester for Jeanne’s Advanced Poetry course at Chico State. I know your WordPress audience will look forward to you sharing this with your writing collection.

I first want to talk to you about your cover photo. You chose a photo of yourself which I thought was pretty conceited of you but the more I thought about it, it does make sense why you chose that to represent your work for this semester. You kinda just closed your eyes and went with whatever worked for you. That goes for everything this semester, including the work you produced for this course. You pushed yourself to do even more this semester, 5 courses plus 20 hours as a student employee working two jobs and also participating in many side school activities as well. You pushed and pushed until you received a lecture reminding yourself to slow down and take it bit by bit. I think your eyes being closed is a perfect representation of how you’re feeling about this semester, not to mention the whole academic year.

With the less intentional and purposeful direction you set for yourself this semester in this course, I personally felt like your writing didn’t improve that much in this course. I think most importantly, what you took most out of all the materials you read this semester, was to have fun and just be present at the moment when you write. It sounds simple but you know this course was key in you being able to just have fun and relax in a lot of stressful situations. If you didn’t stay focused on just having fun and enjoying the course, I think this semester would have been even more stressful for you. So, I think Jeanne deserves to know how grateful you are to have had her as your professor now for the third time and just have read great works and pieces by new authors you’ve never heard or read before.

As I’ve begun to notice from last semester as well is that you will need to improve on your imagery work. I think it’ll be good to continue to read more poetry from authors with great imagery so you too can channel some good imagery into your pieces as well. Maybe check out that list you made from last year back in the Summer? In general, I think if you just keep up the practice of writing and producing but having a clearer vision of where you want to go and how to get there will greatly improve your writing.

You’re going to turn 23 soon on June 20th, so as a reminder even though you already know this, be diligent. Life and college (both undergrad and grad school) will be difficult so when times are tough, remember to be resilient. I hope you’ll not dwell on the mistakes too much. And if there are punishments that come with it, face it squarely and head-on. It’s like medicine, it’s not supposed to be enjoyable.

Thank you again, and rest up this summer!


Best,
One Month Away from 23 Manting Xiong

---

Sadly, WordPress has format restrictions on what it can do so the end product on here will look somewhat different from how I intentionally wanted it to be. So if there are some parts that don’t quite look in the right place, I apologize for that.

Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.