Author’s Note: Heyo! I started writing this piece in 2021, but it’s taken me a while to finish it. For a long time, I wasn’t sure if I should even share it. I questioned what it meant for me and if I was truly ready to acknowledge and embrace this part of myself. As the title suggests, this poem explores my experiences as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), especially when I feel like I’ve made mistakes. For those unfamiliar, HSP refers to individuals with a heightened central nervous system sensitivity to the world around them—be it physical, emotional, or social stimuli. We’re often unfairly labeled “too sensitive.”
A mentor once told me I have high emotional intelligence (EQ), which they called “the gift.” High EQ is the ability to understand, use, and manage emotions positively, both your own and those of others. I believe being an HSP contributed to my high EQ, so there are both positives and negatives to this trait. It’s important to understand that being an HSP is not a mental illness or a disorder; it’s a completely normal, innate trait. If you’re curious to learn more, Psychology Today has some great resources.
5 Minutes Read
*Reflection Before the Curtain* I once had strong mental fortitude, but since 2021, my mental health would temporarily declined every few months. These dark thoughts about myself creep in and settle for a week or two before I eventually recover. Being an HSP only adds to the weight. I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I tell myself I need to grant myself grace, to accept I’ll never be perfect. I remind myself these thoughts aren’t true, but in those moments, they feel so convincing.
And yet, I don’t treat myself very well in general. The harshest voice in my life has always been my own. Especially after I’ve made mistakes. I overthink everything I do; every word, every glance, every silence. It’s exhausting, the way I replay the interactions I had with someone repeatedly in my head. If I hurt someone or made them uncomfortable, my mind won’t let it go. I keep asking myself: What could I have done differently? Why did it have to happen like that?
I don’t just feel my own emotions, I feel the weight of the people around me, especially those I think I’ve hurt. I can distract myself for a little while with work or school, but my mind always circles back. Even when I’ve apologized or been forgiven. Even when everything settled. It doesn’t matter. My mind keeps punishing me, over and over, for not knowing better. And when those thoughts return, they don’t knock politely. They arrive like this:
*The Curtain Lifts*
My hand moves to tear my roots, my stems. I can’t blossom, I can’t hope. I sever every path to light. I can never be someone who thrives. Someone strong? Someone who belongs? How could I? I was never meant to survive.
I’m sorry for moving too fast, scared it’ll never last. Each time it ends, I blame myself, for wanting too much, for feeling too deeply, for being a wound in search of warmth. Maybe if I loved myself, I could forgive Manting: who tried too hard, who struggles to breathe, who is afraid of abandonment. Knowing that I don’t have to be perfect, that my worth isn’t measured by how little I need.
I memorized every failure, every missed signal, every almost, but I never learned. I should’ve been my best, and maybe I was. Maybe this brokenness was all I had. I should’ve known better, but I still hoped. Will I ever learn?
I know I’m only human. I know I’m always healing, but what if I never fully heal? The gift of an HSP becomes a burden. Every goodbye echoes for years. The pain doesn’t stop, it changes costumes. I tell myself I don’t deserve happiness. Love? That’s for someone else. Not for someone like me.
Because I’m hard to love. I make it impossible. When you leave, as you always do, I call it fate, but I know the truth: it’s me. Maybe that is all I’m worth, mastering tragic roles, bleeding beautifully, turning emptiness into performance. If that’s all I am, then I’ll perfect this once more, cutting off all hope, vanishing behind the curtain, like I was never real.
So, that’s it. My experience in life being an HSP. It might feel like you have to reach out to me to check if I’m okay (especially if you’re a family or friend), but truly, I mean this with sincerity, I’m okay. I always recover after each time I fall. I typically don’t voice it when it happens because I know this is something I must deal with. And yes, I have gone to therapy before, and it helped. But I can’t always rely on that to assist me in this. I’ll sing, dance, write, listen to good music, eat good food, laugh at something funny, play volleyball, and lean on trust.
By doing that, I’ll be okay. I still have so much to do and so much to live for. I don’t plan on giving that up just because I feel bad or down about myself. I’ve been worse, I’ve survived worse. Does it suck that this happens? Sure, it does, but everyone has their struggles. This is mine. Maybe one day I’ll write about the things I love about myself to contrast with this piece.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hi there! This is my last post for 2024. Before the year ends, I wanted to share another piece because a lot has happened since summer. Not all of my writing is about this year; it’s a mix of my reflections on past events and how they connect to now. This is the only poem I’ve written since Gentle Hazel Crush, which was released last year. After the poem, I’ll explain my thoughts and what each part might mean. I enjoy writing that has a clear message but still allows for different interpretations. That’s what I aimed for in this poem. It draws inspiration from four different pieces of media: three songs and one Korean drama. The songs are “My Story” by Oxynova, “Pursuing The Happiness by LeeSSang“, and “The Spring Hunger by Homies“. The drama is called Twinkling Watermelon. I’ve mixed elements from these works with my own creativity to create the poem below. I hope you’ll take your time to read this piece. Each line has been methodically placed so that it builds as you read.
2 Minutes Read
Tied to dreams since I started crawling. Ghosts of grief have taken hold. The dying flames told me that we must live righteously… live well, even while scraping dirt for fragmented faith.
Poverty is my greatest fear. The embers extinguished, the thunder nears… How long can I suppress this hunger?
Struggle deals. Struggled evils. Poisoned wells. Hollow secrets. Hollowed perfection. Empty shells. Yeah, starting then, I had to be fuckin’ crazy, the kind of madness only survival understood.
When you didn’t live anymore, what dreams could you have then? What lies and laughter can conceal that trauma? Happiness… Is it strange that I still feel this way?
And yet…
Even if everything I do seems pathetic, even if everything burns away, even if the world is against me. I promised myself, no matter what, I will be successful. I believe I will, there is no choice.
And if this shit ain’t my calling then you know it’s my vendetta. If I succeed, you’ll love it. But if I fail… I become more obsessed.
Because I’m a million man I'm the type to make a million men to go and make a million plans so we can advance for one chance to make amends.
Happiness is a dream, so all the broken things will put on a smile. Happiness was the dream, so that one day, everything can shine.
I’m being honest: I don’t think anyone will read this part. I’d be very surprised if anyone’s curiosity went beyond the poem to this section.
Yay! You made it here. Interesting poem, right? Do you think the final stanza is positive or sad? There’s no clear answer. I’ll let you decide. The title, ‘Spring Hunger, When Happiness Is A Dream’, came from mixing titles of songs by Homies and LeeSSang. It went through several revisions before I chose this one. I aimed for the title and the poem to connect and reflect each other.
‘Spring Hunger’ shows my strong desire to chase dreams and overcome challenges. Spring represents new beginnings and growth but also carries a deep hunger for a better future, filled with pain and longing. ‘When Happiness Is A Dream’ highlights the main struggle: my quest for happiness as a distant goal. This dream, while yearned for, feels out of reach, showing the clash between hope and the realities of hardship.
The poem explores struggles, growth, dreams, ambition, leadership, redemption, and happiness. I especially like the last stanza. It presents an interesting idea: everyone changes after experiencing happiness, even if it comes with pain—whether physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological. Those who were hurt can still smile because it meant something. In the end, it might all be worth it.
I feel like over this past year, happiness has begun to transition to something that was the dream. Don’t get me wrong, I still strive for happiness (whatever that may look like for me in the future) but if I’m just focused and fixated on that, I might be missing out on the other important things in my life. If I achieve the things I need currently, then eventually that will lead to me being happy, right? Sometimes it feels like I’ll never truly be happy? I’d like to think that I’ve healed from my painful upbringing but the results and experiences of what I encounter from time to time presently remind me of why I haven’t.
It feels like a constant battle each year ever since I became an adult. Moments where I feel good about myself and my progress in life and then moments where I feel like the efforts I’ve put in haven’t amounted to what I want yet. This internal struggle often leaves me reflecting on my choices, questioning whether I’m on the right path or if I need to pivot in a new direction. There are days when I wake up feeling optimistic, energized by the possibilities that lie ahead, and it’s sad to admit this but that feeling is pretty rare for me.
I believe this poem captures my feelings from this year, especially after my summer trip to Michigan. Some of my writing is literal, while other parts are more abstract. If you’ve read this far, congrats! You get to know something special: I got accepted into graduate school! I’ll start in Spring 2025 at Chico State for an MA in Social Science. I’ll share more details on my Instagram later this month.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello! Before I continue, it is NOT required of you to have read the first story. I highly recommend reading it to get an even more complete experience with some references and connections between Ting and Teela. I know what you’re saying right now, WHAT?! A sequel? Haha, yes, this is the sequel to my story ‘Letter From Your Sister” This means we get to see more interactions between our protagonist and his younger sister Teela! But how am I going to write a sequel to a dream I had?
To be honest, I don’t know either. I guess that is where the fun comes in. I get to make things up now to connect this sequel to the first story or dream. Plus, I get to add some of my recent life events and experiences into this piece to spice things up. And if you haven’t figured it out yet, the prequel’s title is included in this one too! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this read! Stick around after the ending to read up on the creative process I went through to get to this point of writing this story!
20 Minutes Read
The door into the patient room closes. This causes Teela to turn and stare at the person in front of her from her seated position on the hospital bed. She’s unable to stop smiling because she’s been waiting for this person. “You made it.” said Teela. “Yeah, I did. Sorry, it took me so long to get here.” said Ting. Ting begins to get teary-eyed seeing his sister in this condition. It reminded him of how their Grandma was in her final years. Weak, fragile, and scared. “You’re crying already? Don’t cry too much. I don’t want my last memories of my Older Brother to be of him crying for me.” said Teela.
“Okay, sorry. I’ll try my best to minimize my crying but there are no guarantees. You already know how I am, still a crybaby even after all these years.” replied Ting. “Well, still try your best. Plus, I don’t have tissues for you this time around.” Teela teased Ting. “Where’s Sister-In-Law? I wanted to see her too.” asked Teela. “She’s waiting outside in the lobby area with Juneson and Caroline. She wanted to give us some privacy first. She’ll come in later with them. How do you feel?” asked Ting. “Better now with you here.” Teela smiled as she said that and blinked a few times sarcastically. Seeing how Ting didn’t smile back she knew he wanted a different reply. “But I know you want my honest answer… I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. I can feel it. I don’t want to continue living in this condition. I don’t want us to focus on that though. Let’s just talk and see how it goes. This may be my last conversation with you, Ting.” replied Teela.
Teela has gotten skinnier due to her ailment. She’s dying. Her strength and energy began to decline the year Ting got married. She didn’t share with anyone about her illness. The only person who knew was Ting and his wife. She kept up the act until it was too late. She held on for so long to see Ting grow with his new beautiful family. In the five years since Ting got married, he has one son named Juneson and one daughter named Caroline. Juneson was born first and Caroline a few years afterward. It’s an interesting juxtaposition here, Teela’s life is ending and Ting’s new life is flourishing.
Ting doesn’t reply as he ponders on Teela’s words. He nods while preparing himself for this conversation with his sister. He takes a minute to himself and looks around Teela’s room. The white and dark blue decorations create a homey feel as the orange and yellow sunset from outside paints the walls through the window. Ting walks over and sits in the chair by Teela’s bed and turns his whole body to face her. Teela breaks the silence by asking Ting first. “I have a lot to talk to you about. You have time for me, right?” Teela asked Ting. “Yes, I’ve been meaning to talk to you too.” Ting replied.
“Then, my first question is, do you think we’ll still have these same feelings? About each other? About the future? About where we will be?” asked Teela. “Maybe? We’re going to change so much. These feelings might change too. I don’t want to forget you. It will be difficult moving on without my Younger Sister to tease and nag at me.” replied Ting. “And what feelings are those that you’re meaning?” asked Teela. “That I love my sister so much. I wish she could have lived a beautiful life. One where the end of her story is filled with happiness and laughter. One where her goodbyes are few and her hellos are definite. One where… one where my sister is alive with me.”
Teela chuckles at that part of Ting’s reply. Teela explained “Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh at that, just now that you said it out loud, it makes me realize that is what I want too. I’ve been convincing myself that this is it and the more I try to reason with it, the more I push back. It’s as if my body isn’t willing to give up yet. And you don’t have to worry about that anymore, please. I did live a beautiful life, I was able to see you study abroad in South Korea. I was able to see you get your degree. And I was able to see you get married. All those memories of you made my life beautiful.” She continued “Can you believe that it’s been five years since then? Five years since I gave you that letter?” asked Teela. “Wow, five years. That’s half a decade already. Has it been that long? I can’t believe that five years went by just like that. It was an enjoyable and happy time we got to experience together. I still have that letter you wrote me. I read it often whenever I feel down or whenever I miss you.” said Ting.
“You still have that letter? Well, it does sound like you. Should’ve known that you would keep it, you big softie.” Teela teased Ting. “You know you never did tell me how you and Sister-In-Law met. I even mentioned it in the letter and you both never spilled the tea. Nor did you tell me the secret to why you both worked out” said Teela. “Right, I guess I never did tell you. Want me to start from the beginning?” asked Ting. Teela nodded and Ting began. “Forewarning, it’s not as exciting as you may think it is. Don’t hype yourself up just to be let down okay.” said Ting. “Just hurry up already Ting” Teela replied and also gave him a quick jab to his side. Compared to her previous punch at Ting’s wedding, this jab barely had any weight behind it.
“We met in the Spring after I graduated from college. I want to say it was at the beginning of March. We met through a mutual friend. Well, we didn’t formally meet each other. It was more like we were in a shared space and saw each other. I didn’t talk to her at first because I was shy and wasn’t trying to do too much. Even though I was shy, my palms were sweating, my body was heating up, and my face was feeling red… my heart wasn’t racing. Weirdly, it was calm. That was something I noticed about myself when I began to interact with her.” said Ting. He continued “Most of our early interactions were through text. And it never really went anywhere. Mainly because I’m a terrible flirt through text and was never really good at it. And you already know how I am. It’s easy for me to fall for someone. And when I fall, I fall hard. Just traits of a hopeful romantic.” Ting jokes.
“Keep going, I want to hear more about her.” Teela pleaded. “Well, you already know she’s not Hmong. Haha, I can hear Grandma turning in her grave right now. Grandma never liked the idea of me dating someone from a different race or culture. But I’m heavily attracted to white women and that’s not something I choose, it’s just enate.” said Ting. “Honestly, I wasn’t shocked when I found out my Sister-In-Law was white. That was your type. And I did mean it when I said in the letter that you outdid yourself with this one. My Sister-In-Law is gorgeous but she has an even more beautiful soul. My sister-in-law has a way of bringing people together.” Teela said happily.
“The first time we formally talked to each other was at a concert-like event. She was there to support her friends and I wanted to attend to support the event too. And a big part of me was secretly hoping that she was attending. And maybe I could muster up the courage to talk to her in person.” Ting smiled sheepishly as he said that. Teela rolled her eyes when he finished his sentence. “I arrived at the event a little late so I missed the opening act and most of the seats were taken up so I decided to stand in the back. As the next act was coming up, I noticed someone coming to stand next to me on my right side. I don’t think she knew it was me who she was standing next to. Or maybe she knew it was me and purposely stood next to me. I finally had enough courage to tap her shoulder and say ‘Hi’” said Ting
“She’s a bit shorter than me. She has straight and flowy black hair that reaches down past her shoulders. The reason she came late was because she had just gotten out of class. The semester is winding down and she’s busy finishing up her assignments and getting ready for graduation. In fact, she had a presentation showcase earlier that week talking about mental health for one of her classes. I found out that we actually liked the same artist due to me showing her the bracelet I was wearing. She’s an interesting person. She works hard and yet doesn’t feel a sense of accomplishment when she scores top of class. It’s just routine for her. Like, it is to be expected. I was shocked when she shared that. It’s such a flex to say that. It made me admire her and her abilities. It also makes me wonder where that level of confidence stems from. Like, what other experiences did she encounter to make her think like that?” Ting rambled on.
“Sorry, I’m going off-topic, anyways we watched the performances together until there was a minor accident in one of the acts that delayed the show. While that was getting sorted out, it allowed me an opportunity to talk to her. Although it didn’t turn out that way as a few of her friends came over and talked with her. Her attention was divided between her friends and me. As she kept talking it got more difficult paying attention to what she was saying because I was getting lost in her eyes. Funny enough she stopped talking and shared an interesting tendency about her eyes when she’s tired. She was a bit pouty when she revealed that small secret to me. And yet, that made her eyes even more beautiful especially when she smiled too.” said Ting “I told her that it was an interesting quirk. To be honest, I love finding out small details like that about a person.” said Ting.
“Can you describe what you saw in those eyes of hers?” asked Teela. “Her eyes held warmth. A warmth that can dispel any forces of winter that dare to stand in her way. A warmth that gives comfort and stability to those lucky enough to meet her eyes. A warmth that soothes the aching soul and reassures us that better things are coming. That’s what I noticed about her eyes. The accident was sorted out and they resumed the show. Until the intermission before the final act, I’d like to think we stood there together enjoying each other’s company and the show. We even learned a quick dance together too. It was as if we were on a semi-date.” said Ting. “Ting, you are so delusional. That’s not a date you dummy.” Teela shook her head as she said that. “Sadly, I ended up leaving early because I had a responsibility to attend so I couldn’t stay with her the whole time.” Ting sadly said.
“I was actually late to my responsibility and I had to make up a lie to appease the people I was meeting. I ended up saying that I was on a date and that made up for everything apparently. However, that did lead to them nagging at me wanting to learn more about who this mysterious date was.” Ting said while chuckling. Teela gave out a sigh and rolled her eyes again. “I ended up sharing the lie with her, your Sister-In-Law called me out saying that she ‘Knew the lie was that I was on a date with someone.’ She wasn’t mad, more like she was elated from predicting that was the lie I told. I ended up saying ‘It wasn’t a total lie. I was on a date… just with myself.’” Ting jokingly said. “WHAT?! Oh my god. You are so corny.” Teela interrupted not believing the cheesiness she was hearing.
“You want to know what really got me hooked though? She said ‘No, you weren’t alone. You were with me.’ I couldn’t tell if she was flirting with me or just teasing me. Probably just teasing me but you know I’m an overthinker so I interpreted as she was flirting with me. And from that, I asked her out on a date.” said Ting. “Just like that? And it worked?” Teela asked, perplexed. “Well… she rejected me. Not once, not twice, but three times actually.” Ting admitted embarrassingly. “Twice in one month and once the following month.” Ting concluded. “Holy shit Ting that’s brutal. Why did she reject you three times?” asked Teela. “She has her reasons why and I respect that. I’m just also a stubborn person so I kept trying.” Ting admitted.
“Should’ve known that you wouldn’t give up that easily. You always go after the difficult things don’t you? You know that’s your red flag right?” Teela stated to Ting. “I know, that is my red flag. I like to see it more as perseverance rather than me being stubborn.” Ting grinned after saying that. His grin fades and he continues “I can never have it easy huh?” “Nope, you never will. You don’t do yourself any favors too. You always go after the impossible and difficult things. Even when you know you’re not supposed to. I know your heart and how you are. Once you set your mind on something, it’s tough to convince you to stop. So, good luck and keep fighting.” said Teela.
“You two did end up getting married so something must’ve worked. What was it?” As Teela finished asking her question, she started coughing and blood dripped out from the corner of her mouth. Ting grabbed a tissue and wiped away the blood. “Sorry about that, I’ve been holding in that cough since you first walked in…” Teela took a deep breath. “So, how did you two get to this point?” Teela asked again. “It…” Ting began but then Teela stopped him by putting a hand up. “Actually, no. Don’t tell me. Save it.” Ting looked at her confusingly. “Tell it to both Grandma and I when you see us again.” Teela requested. “Why?” Ting asked. “It’s better this way.” Teela said smilingly.
As Teela finishes her sentence, it begins to rain outside. “Aww man. I’m running out of time and this is how Mother Earth is sending me off? In this terrible rainy weather?” Teela tried to uplift the mood with a joke. Seeing how that didn’t work she asked a question. “What was your impression of me?” asked Teela. “My first impression of you was that you were strong. Not in the physical sense but in mindset and your drive. You have a contagious optimism. You have a positive perspective on life and yet you don’t bullshit the realities that we encounter too.” replied Ting. Teela doesn’t reply, instead, she stares out the window thinking about Ting’s reply. “You know, I’m usually not that strong. Often I am scared. Scared that I might fail. Scared that everything I worked hard for might not satisfy me in the end. But I was able to get through it all because of you.” answered Teela. The conversation turns silent and they both stare out the window. The silence is filled with sounds of rain from outside. The rain doesn’t seem to slow down anytime soon. Teela stares back at Ting and he asks her.
Ting’s hands went to cover his eyes and he began to sob. “How… How can you say that? How can you say that when I couldn’t even protect you? Am I enough? Was I ever enough?” asked Ting. “You don’t have to be enough for me. Or for Sister-In-Law. You just have to be enough for yourself. And that will always be the most important thing.” replied Teela. Teela sadly asks “So, is this it? Is this where we part ways?” Ting takes a deep sigh and replies “Yes, it is.” Ting stares at her and asks “Did you ever look up what your name meant?” Teela shakes her head. “Can I make up a meaning for you then?” She nods.
“Teela, her name represents the essence of bravery. Rooted in Edelweiss lore, Teela symbolizes the flowers that guide life’s bravest warriors. Those bearing the name Teela are often seen as beacons of hope, a reminder of that the darkness will pass. Teela inspires others to embrace the beauty of each moment with grace and gratitude. People honor the name Teela by gifting the same enduring love to the world like how she has given them.” stated Ting. Teela and Ting stare back at each other holding back their tears.
“It’s selfish of me to be making so many requests to you but can you leave the room and send Sister-In-Law in here? I want to spend some of these last few moments with her alone.” Teela requested. “I don’t want you to see me get any worse and, I have one last letter addressed for Sister-In-Law’s eyes only.” Teela added. “Okay, if that’s what you want. I will grant it but what’s in the letter for her?” Ting curiously asked as he got up to leave. “That’s our little secret.” Teela teased Ting one last time. “So, where will you go after?” asked Ting. “I don’t know. I’m hoping to visit Grandma. It’s been a while since I last saw her. She should hear it from me about this.”Teela answered. “Say ‘Hi’ to Grandma for me?” asked Ting. “Of course.” said Teela.
Ting got up and started walking to the door. As he gets halfway to the door, he turns around and faces his sister. “You memorized it? The letter you wrote to me?” Ting asked. “Yes, I was the one who wrote it to you.” said Teela. “I have one request. May I hear you say that last paragraph to me? I never got to hear it directly from your voice.” asked Ting. “Congratulations again on your marriage big bro. Ting, I will forever be grateful to have a big brother like you. A big brother who continued to believe in the good of the world even when the world gave him every reason not to. You’re doing enough. You’re doing just fine. I know you and you’re trying your best right now. That’s all you need. Just keep your pace. You did a great job today, you worked so hard. You are my prize. Bye, big bro.” said Teela smiling at Ting. “Goodbye, Teela.” said Ting.
The End
Hello everyone! And with that comes the end of my story; LFYS: It’s Better This Way. I want to say thank you to you the readers who have taken the time to read this story. I hope you were able to enjoy it. This is the first story I’ve written post-graduation from college! I had previously gone through and updated my website back in Fall 2023 and was able to upload many of my works that were stored in my vault. Those works were mostly poems and pieces I wrote for school assignments. So, having to restart and write a new story after such a long time proved to be way more difficult than I had expected. I decided to read through some of my prior pieces to see if any of them could give me inspiration or ideas to explore.
I kept coming back to reread ‘Letter From Your Sister’ and the more I kept reading through, an idea popped into my head. Write a sequel for it! Like, it makes sense? What was weird about continuing the story was that it was solely based on a dream I had years ago. So, the difficult part was how am I going to expand on it? I decided to make it an alternative universe where those events did happen and are true. Then I was able to make an expanded story of Ting’s and Teela’s sibling relationship.
While writing this sequel, I still didn’t want to reveal the identity of the ‘Sister-In-Law’ because I still have no clue who that is. But I was able to give her some short interactions between her and Ting in this story to give her a little of character detail rather than the audience having no idea what she looked or acted like. This has been a tough piece to write about but also very enjoyable problem-solving and brainstorming! Thank you so much again for taking the time to read this. I hope everyone stays safe, stays healthy, and I hope this year treats you well. Bye!
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello! This is my letter/tribute to GOT7 for their 10th anniversary as a K-pop group. This piece has two parts. The first part is going to be my experience and journey of being an Ahgase and the second part is a thank you section to each GOT7 member. That second section will include some of my favorite songs that they’ve produced and what I like most about them. For the photos I chose, I want y’all to see each member smiling. Hopefully, seeing them smile will also brighten up your day. Congratulations to GOT7 for still being together and I look forward to the next time when you’re all together again. This will be a long piece so read at your own pace. Enjoy!
My Personal GOT7 Playlist
19 Minutes Read
I’ve been an Ahgase/IGOT7 since December 2016. I wasn’t a hardcore fan yet at that point, I just knew I liked GOT7. I don’t remember which music video was the first one I saw of GOT7. But I can say it is between Just Right and Hard Carry mainly because my formal introduction to K-pop was through the REACT channel on YouTube. GOT7 was one of the groups they showed and from there I began to listen to more and more K-pop. And to be honest, GOT7 was not my favorite group when I first started listening to them.
Mainly because I didn’t know what type of K-pop I liked yet. I truly had no idea there were so many groups out there to explore. I listened to other groups but I always kept coming back to GOT7. Eventually, by the time GOT7’s Flight Log Arrival was released in March 2017. I had become an Ahgase. I watched so many videos of GOT7 on various Korean Variety shows. Their variety shows such as GOT7ing, Real GOT7, GOT2DAY, etc. Not to even mention their other appearances on Weekly Idol and other programs. I burned through all of these shows in such a short time that I realized I hadn’t even dived deeper into their music yet.
I would say that GOT7’s first full EP/Album I came to like every song is Flight Log Turbulence. Before that, listening to GOT7’s discography that was produced before Flight Log Turbulence was difficult. I don’t blame that on them directly. If anything, it is the artists who produced it for GOT7. I understand that GOT7 didn’t have much influence or input into what they wanted their music to sound like early on in their career. That applies to a multitude of K-pop groups. And with GOT7, many of their B-Sides just didn’t hit with me when I listened to them early on. Keep in mind this was before I listened to Flight Log Turbulence.
This doesn’t also mean that all of their B-Sides before Flight Log Turbulence were bad. I feel like the only song from GOT7’s debut EP that had a feel and glimpse of what GOT7 could become was ‘Playground’. I say that because the song sounded good, the lyrics were good, and you can hear GOT7’s voice coming through. I can positively say that after each EP/Album that GOT7 releases, their music continuously improves. I think one huge factor why is that GOT7 began to have the ability to produce songs and have them be part of their next releases. I also say that mildly because I know, and other Ahgases know that GOT7 members have produced some great songs that never got approved or made the cut to be included in their releases.
The more I listened and watched GOT7 on different shows and platforms the more I realized why they are my favorite K-pop group. GOT7 does not compromise who they are in their interactions and intentions. I don’t personally know them and we are only able to see certain sides of GOT7. They have not given me any reason to doubt them or create distrust about them. Whenever they’re on variety shows, they are always willing to try new things and give a good effort on those shows. One of the best examples of this is GOT7’s appearance on Weekly Idol and slaying their 2x speed dance.
Whether it is the group deciding for it to be a funny bit or taking on the challenge seriously and nailing it. They’re always themselves and they fully commit to it. It is refreshing to see a group rarely filter who they are and what they’re doing. They’re also absolute savages. Not only to each other but to their fans too. And Ahgases embraces that about GOT7. I’m also grateful I’m part of a relatively mature fandom. Every K-pop fandom has a portion of fans who are toxic and crazy, I think that is inevitable in any fandom. For the majority of Ahgases, I think we are a chill and nice fandom for the most part.
Going back to GOT7’s discography, their color and uniqueness blossomed in Flight Log Turbulence. Every single EP and Album since that release has been fantastic overall. There might be one or two songs I don’t like as much from each release but overall, they are incredible. One of my best examples is GOT7’s 7 for 7 mini album released in October 2017. I enjoy all the songs in that mini album, the only two that I don’t listen to as much are ‘Moon U’ and ‘Remember You’. That doesn’t mean they’re bad songs, just not as much of my style (Please don’t get mad at me Youngjae and BamBam stans). There have been other songs by Youngjae and BamBam that I greatly enjoy too.
GOT7 stage performance and dancing is top tier. I’m constantly amazed at the creativity in their performances. Like the beginning of ‘You Calling My Name’ that cool formation of Jay B activating each GOT7 member. Or the bridge part of Eclipse where each GOT7 member covers a member’s eyes. Watching GOT7 dance makes me want to dance because I see the joy and excitement they experience and I want that too. I am still not over GOT7’s end-of-the-year performance for ‘Teenager’, they remixed the song and added in some choreo using their jackets. If you haven’t seen these, please go and check them out yourself. Let’s get to the second part.
Jay B, the chic and sexy member of GOT7. I’ve always admired your leadership in GOT7. Being the leader of any group is challenging; yet, you carry that role and position gracefully. I still think about what you said during one of your concerts. “As a leader, I do constantly think about where our fate will take us, and will I be good enough to lead [GOT7] to it.” It makes me sad seeing you having to deal with that kind of pressure. And on a positive note, it makes me glad to see you have a vision for GOT7 and where they can potentially become. As an Ahgase, I think, “If Jay B can endure this pressure and keep going. I can keep going as well.”
I thank you for taking such good care of the members. Especially Youngjae during your debut, knowing he did not have as much training compared to the rest of the members, you took really good care of him. Thank you for still being with us. Jay B, I hope you know Ahgases from around the world trust in your leadership and direction for GOT7. I hope when you are discharged from the military, you’ll enjoy some good food and time to yourself and with the rest of GOT7 before diving back into producing music.
I was sad when you shared with fans that you were depressed through your YouTube channel. Thank you for being willing to share and open up to us Ahgases about it. I’m happy you’re doing better and I hope you won’t have to go back into a depressive state. As someone who grew up also bboying, it was so cool seeing another K-pop idol bboy as well. I greatly enjoy the music you produce. The chill R&B vibes you produce are straight up my style of music and I look forward to hearing even more of your music in the future. My three favorite songs Jay B has produced in GOT7 are ‘Don’t Leave Me Alone’, ‘Come On’ and ‘Teenager.’ There are so many other songs I enjoy from you too, it was so difficult just choosing three. Some honorable mentions are ‘Save You/I’ll Protect You’, ‘Prove It’, ‘Page’, ‘Eclipse’, ‘Thursday’, and ‘You Are’.
Mark Tuan, the flying acrobatic member of GOT7. My bias in GOT7! One thing I admire about Mark is his kind heart. All GOT7 members have great character and are kind, with Mark I gravitate to him the most. He comes from a well-off family and yet he’s modest in behavior and demeanor. One of my favorite stories about him is from BamBam. He mentioned his days as a trainee when he first met Mark and Mark owned a pair of Vans (a brand of shoes). After asking Mark about the shoes, BamBam learned they were shoes from overseas. Fast forward a couple of months later to BamBam’s birthday, Mark had gifted him with a pair of Vans.
Mark, you are my ultimate bias for a K-pop idol. No one else will ever take that spot away from you. Congratulations on the successful tour you had for The Other Side. I know you are still touring and hope this later half will continue that success. You endured so much during your time in South Korea and you still came out on top. You don’t talk much but rather let your actions do the talking for you. And when you do speak, others listen because your words mean that much more knowing how you are. You’re the older brother of GOT7 who lets the other members lean on you when times are tough. It’s okay to be a bit selfish for yourself sometimes, so I hope that you’ll continue to keep flying.
My three favorite songs produced by Mark in GOT7 are ‘Let Me’, ‘My Home’, and ‘See The Light’. You know I can’t let off some honorable mentions, and they are ‘Shopping Mall’, ‘If’, ‘Face’, and ‘Born Ready’. ‘Let Me’ is in my top songs of all time. I listen to it religiously. I would even go as far as saying it is in my top five songs from GOT7. The lyrics, the instruments, and the vibes are just so freaking good. Chill and relaxing plus the cuteness of the lyrics go perfectly together. And who could forget the iconic switch version of ‘Let Me’?! Like, it is one of the best switch versions from any K-pop group.
Jackson, the wild and sexy member of GOT7. Jackson never fails to make me smile or laugh with his great energy. He took such a big risk to accept the contract to become a JYP trainee when he was already an Olympic athlete. I’m so happy to know and see that risk paid off for Jackson as he’s now a superstar. And that risk allowed him to meet his second family in GOT7. He was also the first GOT7 member to venture out into solo music activities back in 2017. That unlocked a new side of Jackson Wang that Ahgases didn’t know about. It was amazing and I fully supported it. It showed how hard-working you are as an artist and individual.
I greatly relate to you saying how you had to outwork your peers because they were more musically gifted or talented in dancing in your time as a trainee. Because I too had that same mentality in my adventures growing up when I faced others who had more than me. You’ve worked so hard and I know it can become a burden to continue that incredible work ethic, it becomes scary to think about slowing down. It is okay to slow down. You’ve done enough. You are enough. We are more than grateful for the amazing things you’ve given to Ahgases. I hope you’re able to take time to rest for yourself, for your soul, and for your heart.
My three favorite songs produced by Jackson in GOT7 are ‘Special’, ‘Go Higher’, and ‘Phoenix’. Jackson’s songs in GOT7 are upbeat and bring hype energy which I enjoy. Some honorable mentions are ‘Boom x3’ and ‘Out’. Jackson has released so much more music as a solo artist and it has been cool seeing his solo musical journey. He’s experimented a lot with new genres and sounds. I know that is not easy so I’m proud of him for trying out new things. I enjoy more of his solo music more than some of the music he’s produced in GOT7. Having said that, some songs vibe with me and some don’t which is perfectly fine. I’m still going to enjoy seeing Jackson evolve as an artist.
Jinyoung, the mom of the group in GOT7. My bias wrecker of GOT7! Ahgases also know him as Actor Park Jinyoung. His acting skills have continued to improve every year. I knew how good of an actor he was when I first watched ‘If You Do’ mv. His acting in that mv when he ripped up the painting of the girl and then screamed afterward was very powerful for me. I didn’t even need to hear the sound to know his acting was top-notch in that part of the mv. I’m also happy to see so many other Ahgases continue to support his ventures in acting.
Jinyoung, I cried and was happy when you said “Only Ahgases know how talented GOT7 are.” back in your Keep Spinning World Tour in 2019. I was happy because it showed how much you were grateful for Ahgases and that our efforts to promote and support GOT7 are noted and appreciated. And yet, I cried because it reminded me of the notion that GOT7 is somewhat underrated. Ahgases knows how amazing GOT7 is overall but the rest of the world has not come to see this yet. Ahgases will be here for GOT7 and, the anxiety you feel may never go away and when it reappears, I hope you’ll come back and find moments of Ahgases support to help you get through those anxieties. I hope you have an amazing time back once you’re discharged from your military service.
My three favorite songs produced by Jinyoung in GOT7 are ‘Thank You’, ‘Love You Better’, and ‘The End’. Again, it was challenging for me to choose, so I had to include some honorable mentions: ‘I Won’t Let You Go’, ‘I Am Me’, ‘Mayday’, ‘Paradise’, and ‘Firework’. Park Jinyoung! You have a strong talent for writing lyrics that evoke so many emotions from your fans. I even go as far as saying you are the best lyricist in GOT7. I noticed I listen to your songs the most whenever I am emotional and it often comforts me during those moments.
Youngjae, the powerful vocalist member of GOT7. He grew on me throughout my time as an Ahgase. Not that I didn’t like Youngjae because I do, it was just the impact and role that I wasn’t sure of with him. He was the vocalist and that was about it. And boy was I wrong, when Youngjae sings, it is immaculate. Like, I felt bad and stupid for not seeing how amazing he is as an artist (this was back in the first few months of me being an Ahgase). Early on as an Ahgase, it occurred to me that out of the vocalists, I recognized Youngjae’s voice the most. That helped me begin to like him more in GOT7.
One thing I will never forget about Youngjae was the spoiler he gave during the preparation for Flight Log Departure. It was Youngjae, Mark, BamBam, and Coco doing a VLive at Han River, and Youngjae accidentally sang a part of the chorus in ‘Fly’. I laughed so hard when I first saw that video knowing it was an innocent mistake that led to an incredible moment between the members and Ahgases. Youngjae also has the best laugh in GOT7. He laughs so proudly and energetically that when I see him do it, it makes me want to laugh along with him too. I’m so grateful Youngjae debuted with GOT7.
My three favorite songs produced by Youngjae in GOT7 are ‘Timeout’, ‘Sick’, and ‘Breath’. Honorable mentions are ‘Hesitate’, ‘Moon U’, ‘Sign’, and ‘Aura’. I’ve realized Youngjae’s music is the one I don’t vibe with the most out of GOT7. I’m sorry Youngjae stans! I do have to say I fell in love with ‘Timeout’ and ‘Breath’ on my first listen to those songs. They went straight into my playlist and were part of my rotation for a while. Youngjae’s solo music is interesting where they are light and chill. I like that about his music and I wonder if that’s something he’s planning to continue or experiment with some different sounds. I’ve listened a lot to his early unofficial releases on SoundCloud as ARS and I noticed back then his songs were about love and heartbreak.
BamBam, the cutie member of GOT7. The member that has undergone the biggest transformation is Double B. BamBam looked like a very cute kid when he debuted and puberty came in strong as he aged. Double B looks less like a kid and has now looked mature and grown. It also helps that BamBam is working out nowadays and is targeting his back and shoulder areas. The transformation is going to get even better and I know BamBam stans can’t wait to see it happen. I also love how BamBam does not shy away from rizzing up female idols that are comfortable with him (The best example I can think of is him and Wendy from Red Velvet). His pickup lines are both cringy and hilarious and I’ve included them in my game too. Thank you for that BamBam.
The one thing I greatly love about BamBam is his bravery. I say he is brave because he does things that he enjoys and it doesn’t bother him how others perceive him. He’s comfortable in his skin and who he is. Like when he was into dabbing and he was dabbing every single day when that was a thing. Seeing him be free with who he is makes me want to follow suit and emulate that as well. BamBam has unfiltered crazy funny energy that I love and it makes the interactions in GOT7 unpredictable and enjoyable. You make my life so much brighter and I thank you for all of the laughter you’ve gifted me.
My three favorite songs produced by BamBam in GOT7 are ‘Believe’, ‘Waiting For You’, and ‘The Reason’. There are no honorable mentions here because many of GOT7’s b-sides are collaborations by more than one member and I’ve mentioned them above already. I’ve enjoyed the b-sides that BamBam has been a part of and now as a solo artist, he’s gotten even better. I didn’t quite like riBBon as much compared to his newer releases of B(B) and Sour & Sweet. I’m excited to see the next time he releases new music.
Yugyeom, the Mr. Purity member of GOT7. Mr. Hit The Stage! Our dancing machine! And the maknae of the group. First of all, I just want to apologize to Yugyeom for being the target of GOT7’s difficult pranks when the group gets into acting mode and has a “serious” discussion back in Real GOT7 and GOT7ing. It must’ve been a bit difficult being the maknae of GOT7 and at the same time, you know all of your hyungs love you dearly. You also double down and give it back in the amount of teasing back to your hyungs and Ahgases love seeing those banters you have with your hyungs.
Yugyeom’s swagger on stage when he performs is so clean and good. One of my favorites is when he’s in the center of the choreo for ‘Hard Carry’, he slays so hard in that last section being semi-wet. Yugyeom, Jinyoung, and Jay B to me are like the three stabilizers in GOT7 because of how versatile they are. In dancing, singing, and rapping. He’s on par with Jinyoung and Jay B and that shows work ethic and improvement throughout his time with GOT7. You’re an amazing artist and know that Ahgases are forever grateful to have such a talented and savage maknae in GOT7.
My three favorite songs produced by Yugyeom in GOT7 are ‘Don’t Care’, ‘To Me’, and ‘1°’. There is only one honorable mention here from Yugyeom: ‘Thank You, Sorry’. I’ve enjoyed Yugyeom’s solo music because he’s really into hip-hop and R&B like Jay B. It also helped a lot that he joined the label AOMG which has allowed him creative freedom in his music. I love ‘Don’t Care’ and ‘To Me’, they just feel like slow grind music and I love the lyrics in these songs too. I’m excited to hear what new music he’s planning to realize in the future.
I hope this letter somehow in someway reaches GOT7 so that they know and understand how much they’ve impacted my life. I can go on and on about why I love and stan GOT7 and I will never be able to express what these seven beautiful humans mean to me truly. I’m so grateful to have found these guys when I did and how much they’ve helped me throughout my life with their existence as GOT7. So many great moments of laughter that brighten up my day. So many times their songs have given me the energy to get through the day. And the many nights of feeling sad and alone with GOT7’s music playing in the background comforting me. I’ve been truly blessed to have been born in a time to see GOT7’s journey in person. Like y’all said back when Spinning Top Album was released, let’s keep spinning together. Thank you so much GOT7.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello! This piece is dedicated to my first crush after post-grad. I didn’t expect myself to be crushing on someone so quickly after graduating. The universe works in strange ways so I just took it as is. It was difficult for me to come up with the title of this piece so I had followers on Facebook and Instagram vote on a name! This was the first time I ever tried to incorporate Spanish into a poem. My Spanish is still terrible but I think it worked really well in this piece. There is a special bonus hidden within this poem as well! If you’re reading this on your phone, please put it in landscape mode for the correct format! Hopefully, y’all will be able to enjoy this!
Can I relive the first time I got engulfed in your adorable amber eyes?
Your sweet voice inebriated every fiber of my being.
A 5’6 queen with the temper of a lioness.
"Oh, cómo el mundo aún no se ha enamorado de ella?"
I'm a historian and you're the history I want to learn.
History will know in 2023, I discovered the Eighth Wonder of the World.
Radiance. You must be the reason that word was created.
You are the heat wave the news keeps warning us about.
The world is a brighter and better place wherever you go.
I ran after you because I didn’t want you to go alone.
I couldn’t go with you but I still wanted you to be safe.
Your determination is admirable and that made me fall more for you.
No one could have prepared me for the fun I had with you.
I was smiling so much hearing your laughter.
Seeing your gentle smile every day onward gave me strength.
All I want is the best and only the best for you. That’s why
I didn’t mind getting in trouble because you were having fun.
I would do it all over again to see that radiant smile.
Let me stay here a little longer and let happiness linger.
Because I don’t know if I’ll get to see you again.
I’m already dreading the days ahead knowing I will miss you.
Every single day with you was bright and lovely.
The experiences we shared gave me meaning and value.
I'll cherish them and protect them, memories of our shared melody.
Although our time was limited, I’m grateful to have met you.
It probably meant very little to you but for me, it meant everything.
I’m someone that wants your life to have a happy ending.
Letting go of these feelings is something I don’t want to do. So,
I’ll cheer you on from afar on your journey. I know you’ll go on
and be great, even if I am not there with you. Thank you for everything.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello! This piece was for a writing assignment for my ENGL 327W – Creative Non-Fiction course. Specifically for this assignment, we had to write it in the format of a lyric essay. I decided to write about the Netflix Korean Drama show Run On. The reason why I wrote about Run On is because it is in my top three Korean Dramas of all time. It may seem boring to some watchers but it was super refreshing to me and the amount of life relatable things the show dives into just resonates so much with me. Something really cool about this essay I wrote is the structure and format of it. I really challenged myself and did something very far left field and I took that risk for this assignment. As you read this piece on the left side will be a short summary of the episode and the quote I took from that episode. Then on the right side, I will have my personal significance section and this is my input on why this quote resonates with me. My professor and classmates were really giddy with the format I chose so I think it was a hit. Spoilers ahead! If you have not watched it yet, please do so and then come back to read this. But if you don’t care about spoilers, go on ahead. There is definitely room to improve on visualization and making the reader feel rather than me telling. Still, I hope you will be able to enjoy this piece and in a way resonate with it.
33 Minutes Read
English Title: Run On
Korean Title: 런 온
Category: Korean Drama, Romance, Comedy, Slice of Life
Created by: JTBC Drama Headquarters
Written by: Park Shi Hyun
Directed by: Lee Jae Hoon
Starring:
Im Si Wan as Ki Seon GyeomKang Tae Oh as Lee Yeong Hwa
Shin Se Kyung as Oh Mi JooChoi Soo Young as Seo Dan Ah
Number of Episodes: 16
Time of Debut: December 16th, 2020
Korean Drama Premise: Run On tells the love story of Ki Seon-gyeom, a former sprinter who is working to become a sports agent, and Oh Mi-joo, a subtitle translator. They briefly work together and bond. Though the two speak very different languages, their mutual interest pushes them past their boundaries. As they get to know each other, they navigate the complexities of human nature and communication. The second lead Seo Dan Ah is a high-ranking CEO of her company and is very career-driven until she meets college art student Lee Yeong Hwa who challenges her ways. Will these second leads be able to live their lives normally after meeting each other?
Episode, Duration, Quote, and Summary
Personal Significance
Episode 1: 67 minutes
“So about that gun… Is it even worth owning when it’s fake?” “It doesn’t have to be real to be worth something.” – Ki Seon Gyeom and Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyeom notices bruises on his friend Kim Woo Sik’s body. To apologize to her professor, Oh Mi Joo agrees to work as a translator for an upcoming event. What sounds like a typical love story between a runner and a translator turns out to be quite atypical in this first episode of Run On. Ki Seon Gyeom’s cold rich boy persona is a mask as he is actually a crazy person, and the spunky poor girl Oh Mi Joo is a loser. However, these characters are much more than their labels, and as their paths cross, it feels inevitable for them to fall for each other.
How do you start off a story? It seems difficult for me lately. Like I have what I want in mind but making it into something comprehensible takes much longer than expected. Follow me on this journey as I talk about bits and pieces of my life to the show on the left that I fell in love with.
What is great about starting something new is the whole adventure of it. Learning the tendencies and behavior of the characters involved and what makes them unique. How will the plot connect all of these characters together? Which characters will we end up hating and which ones will deserve our love?
I often question the characters of shows that I watch. I understand they play a role and that has a purpose but if they were actually a real person. How would I actually conduct myself with them? Will our viewpoints and perspectives mold together or will there be opposition instead?
It makes me reflect on myself and what I’ve done. Things that are important to me but may not be important to others. And that is perfectly fine, I would like to be agreeable but if everyone always agrees on the same thing, it becomes bland and boring. I may not understand where someone’s thought process is coming from but I won’t discard it as unimportant nor will I place those ideas above my own. I recognized everyone’s uniqueness. So, if an adult still sleeps with a Charmander plushie in their early 20s, just let them be, that plushie probably means something important to them. I understand why Oh Mi Joo has a special affinity for fake guns, everyone’s values are different
Episode 2: 71 minutes
“Why do we fall? So we learn how to pick ourselves up.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyeom gets revenge for his friend Kim Woo Sik by getting into a fight. Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom bond over a business dinner. As our protagonists get to know each other a little better, we learn that our hero may not be as dispassionate or aloof as he first seemed. When some upsetting truths are revealed, Ki Seon Gyeom tries his best to serve his version of justice, but will the justice system play fair?
And because everyone’s values are different, everyone endures different hardships and pains in their life. It would be nice if we could progress through life without worries and stress. But then we would never learn the lessons that we need to survive and grow. For the first time, I got rejected by a volleyball team in the Fall of 2017. I could’ve been depressed and felt sad for myself. I didn’t have time to do that, if I had time to wallow in sadness then I had time to get better. I embraced the friction and frustration and got back to work because that grew the flame of my desire. The younger me didn’t allow time to rest when I fell. The first aid kit wouldn’t fix anything that I dealt with.
In high school, I worked so hard to become good at volleyball. Especially, during my younger years when I first began playing. I knew I didn’t have talent compared to some of my peers on my volleyball team in high school. But I knew that my work ethic far exceeded theirs. I would show up an hour before practice and grind even before practice officially started. If someone practiced for one hour, I had to work another hour or two after them just to make sure that I wasn’t getting left behind. I’ve been left behind too many times in my life and that creates an insecurity that doesn’t allow me to rest mentally.
Episode 3: 71 minutes
“Don’t do it if you don’t want to. You don’t have to always overcome everything. So, if you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. You can rest on the weekends.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyeom takes fate into his own hands and does something drastic. Oh Mi Joo contemplates how she can best support Ki Seon Gyeom and do her job well at the same time. Ki Seon Gyeom and Oh Mi Joo get closer as work and life (and mutual interest) pull them together. Important insight into Ki Seon Gyeom and his family life goes a long way in shedding light on the man he became, and the decision that might derail his career.
That is until I was taught the importance of rest. How much that plays a role in our overall well-being. Mr. “No Days Off” learned that the weekends are valuable. As a child, bumps, and bruises didn’t damage us as much because we healed quickly. But you learn soon that our bodies can only take so much stress until it begins to break. My two patella tendonitis, shin splints, strained hip flexor, and other injuries are proof of overworking.
When I first strained my hip back in 2016, it made me hate my body. I knew my body was hurting, the weakness in my ankles when I would walk up a flight of steps, the way how my knees would buckle slightly when I walked. The right side of my hip gave out on me after I went up for a block and I landed and turned too quickly. All eyes were on me while I knelt on the ground showing weakness, I felt as if I let everyone down. It made me wish I was born with a body that could keep up with my drive and ambition.
That is what I would have let my past self think. But I know now that my body did the very best it could. I was a spoiled brat, overworking myself and still expecting the best results with the risk of injury. I was naive in that way of thinking. Those days of recovering from the strained hip were one of the calmest times I had to assess myself and my passion for volleyball. “Can I keep going? How much do I really want this? Will I be happy in the end?” Those are questions I asked myself in my recovery stage.
Episode 4: 70 minutes
“You’re so strange. You worry about everyone else but yourself. Do you know what you seem like to me? A person who’s used to being hurt.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Seo Dan Ah cleans up Ki Seon Gyeom’s mess by talking to Kim Woo Sik. Ki Seon Gyeom leaves Jeju Island and confronts Oh Mi Joo. To run or not to run? Ki Seon Gyeom puts his career on the line as he answers this question, and though the repercussions may be harsh, he’s more than ready to face the aftermath. Meanwhile, Oh Mi Joo works hard not only to ensure his bold words won’t get lost in translation but that his unrelenting ethics won’t harm him in the process.
I wanted to be a source of strength to someone, to anyone. Maybe that stems from me being a people pleaser. So, if I were to be hurt in the process of someone being happy in an ethical way. I was fine with it. I understood the difference between that and bullying. I know that different way too well. As someone who has had bullying experiences in three of my six years of elementary education, it makes me extremely angry to see bullying go unpunished.
It’s better to be hurt than to hurt others. Nice people can be happy with just that. Those are thoughts I’ve had since I was little. It just becomes “normal,” being hurt but really there is nothing normal about it. But what could I do about it growing up? I could run away, but what would that really fix? I just learned to adjust my expectations of other people’s actions and words. It’s safer that way, to minimize the pain from others. It helped, I didn’t care to know who this tooth fairy was and I didn’t need to know who this person named Santa was. Because I knew the reindeer wouldn’t have to visit my house. “If you think there is someone better for you to go live at then call them and go live with them!” Those words my father said to me when I was younger really hurt me badly. At that moment, I knew I would never have a home anymore living under the same roof as this person that was my “father.”
I didn’t include this quote from the show because I only had one per episode but Oh Mi Joo said in episode three “A home is where you come back to. If you don’t have one, why not get something that is similar instead? That is what I did. A place I can come back to.” When I first heard that, it felt as if she was an older sibling talking and giving me advice on what I should do. I’ve already been doing that since my sophomore year of college, but I feel like if this show had come out during my high school years, I don’t know if it would have had the same impact on me.
Episode 5: 69 minutes
“You are considerate to everyone around you. Did you not think that kind boy would feel the same way? No one is born able to endure pain from the start. So do not try to seem okay if that is what you are doing.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: We finally get to have quality time with our second leads! It only took five episodes… Lee Yeong Hwa tries to compensate for Seo Dan Ah’s broken bracelet by agreeing to paint for her. Oh Mji Joo translates Kim Woo Sik’s interview online to clear Ki Seon Gyeom’s name. Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom face some hard truths about each other, but will that be enough to counter the magnetic pull that keeps bringing them into each other’s orbit? As Ki Seon Gyeom tries to adjust to life after retirement, Oh Mi Joo needs to decide if her very strong feelings for him can outweigh her fears about having someone like him in her life.
Weird how being hurt can become normal for some people. I say that with experience of being that person used to being hurt. I understand the pain and treatment I endured are unfair and unjust. Maybe it is fear of retaliation if I had my back. Maybe it is fear of appearing weak to ask for help. Maybe it is because asking for help is not normalized within Asian cultures. Or do I just seem like a crazy person? Thinking back to what I used to feel, it scares me that I normalized for myself that being hurt was okay. I see myself in so many ways with Ki Seon Gyeom, he kept enduring abuse from his father, and yet he wouldn’t stand to see others being hurt. So, when he stood up for Kim Woo Sik getting bullied, I wanted Ki Seon Gyeom to do that for himself against his abusive father too.
Seeing Ki Seon Gyeom’s behavior thus far in the show, it was the first time in my life that I saw another character has much of the same trauma I’ve endured with the same mannerisms. He was resilient, well, him and the three other leads. They all had resiliency around them, excelling in their areas in very unlikely situations.
Resilient is a word I often get told to me when I’ve shared my story and traumas. I wouldn’t want someone to be resilient if they had to endure the pain I’ve gone through. It’s like telling someone who lost a game “You lost but that was a great game.” Sure, they did great. But the end result doesn’t change. They still lost. Those words still drive me crazy (internally) whenever I walk off the court after a loss. The results are what they are, but even if the results are not in my favor, was the journey at least worth it with all of the lessons and experiences it came with? I’m still debating on that thought for myself. I’ve always loved the journey more than the result, but some journeys have taken me more than expected.
Episode 6: 71 minutes
“Of all the things I’ve loved. Why have I not loved myself?” – Ki Seon Gyeom
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyoem joins the unemployment force. In the face of this major life change, Ki Seon Gyeom finally has space to breathe and think about how he’s been living his life so far. An opportunity also springs up for him to spend more time with Oh Mi Joo, which leads to them slowly learning each other’s ways. Seo Dan Ah convinces Lee Yeong Hwa to submit his painting to her famous gallery.
On those journeys, we meet new people. People come into our lives for a reason. There must have been a reason why we ran into each other. Weirdly enough, getting into my first-ever relationship did that for me. It taught me how to love myself. It showed me what love is. How much it can hurt and heal us at the same time. How fragile and delicate it can be. It is bittersweet that some of the happiest moments I’ve endured are also some of the ones that have hurt me the most. Saying goodbye to my biological mother after spending a month with her was one of the most difficult moments of my life. How do you say goodbye to someone who was supposed to be part of your life? To someone that should have been there all of my life?
I’ve loved myself from time to time growing up but I rarely made myself a priority. I pushed myself to do better in the aspects of my life that I deemed important but in that process, I ended up being alienated by my Hmong classmates in my graduating class. Whether that is taking more difficult courses or putting in the extra time to make things work. So, even if I was alienated, at least I was somewhat happy. I thought loving yourself was this whole complex thing but it’s actually quite simple. Just gotta love where I am right now in my life, what I am doing, and how I am doing it. I think those are the essentials of being able to love yourself. Even if I have to learn it late, at least I can continue to work on it. It’s like putting together a puzzle, each piece is something new about loving yourself.
Episode 7: 70 minutes
“Why are you outside if you have nowhere to go?” “Because I think it’s time to leave. I wanted to practice.” – Ki Seon Gyeom and Lee Yeong Hwa
Episode Preview/Summary: Oh Mi Joo gets angry at Ki Seon Gyeom when he fails to return home one day from a night out drinking with Lee Yeong Hwa. Ki Seon Gyeom and Oh Mi Joo’s wires are crossed and are now hitting an unexpected snag in their developing relationship. Although it’s clear to anyone how much they care about each other, they’ll need to figure out how to communicate effectively if there’s hope for them to have the kind of rapport they deserve. Lee Yeong Hwa continues to nag Seo Dan Ah for her to visit him.
Usually, I like to plan ahead for what I’m going to do. If it’s something I’m already planning on doing, I try to practice if it is possible. Even if it is something uncomfortable like distancing myself from someone or preparing for a confrontation. But even though we plan ahead for things, the plan doesn’t always work how we want. So instead we resort to being stubborn toward the goal but be flexible on the plan. Which, now that I think about it, sounds like trying to get to the prize on a treasure map.
I didn’t plan to be in my sixth year of college, but here I am. It feels weird seeing my students graduate before me. I’m proud of them for completing their college journey, and I’ll be joining them soon. I was working to fit the expectations and hopes of someone else’s timeline when the most important timeline I should’ve prioritized was my own. I didn’t learn that until my senior year of college.
Dropping out has been on my mind this past year though. I’m so close to completing my degree and yet I feel this sheer weight burnt just shackling me down. I’ve never been one to believe in burnout but I’ve experienced it since the start of my fifth year and it has gotten worse over time. Now, I’m just trying to do my best to make it to the finish line. “If it is hard, you can stop at any time. No one will blame you.” I’ve been told those words before and when I watched Run On, I contemplated whether I should stop or keep running.
Episode 8: 69 minutes
“You feel safe only when you’re part of a group as a kid and as an adult, you live in fear of being ostracized.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: A work opportunity takes Oh Mi Joo out of the city, and the brief time Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom spend apart serves to bring them closer together. Lee Yeong Hwa clears up the misunderstanding between him and Ki Seon Gyeom’s night out to Oh Mi Joo. Seo Dan Ah’s protective walls against Lee Yeong Hwa begin to crumble.
I’ve been told that I have a resting bitch face, which I totally agree that I have. Mixing that in with my baby face creates a weird mixture. I look like a cute boy who doesn’t seem approachable because I just look like I’m miserable. I used to feel insecure about that but now I just embrace it. If someone is going to interact with me, I want them to approach me because of who I am and not what my outside perception is.
People are going to have their perceptions of me and who I am no matter where I go in life. I used to care so much about my reputation, but I stopped worrying about it. I care more about what my character is rather than what they think my reputation is. My character is who I am as opposed to my reputation is how people view me.
I think most people want to be understood and have their thoughts and feelings validated. With everyone being unique and different, we conform in ways to fit in with our environment or upbringing just to be “accepted.” I think people just have to decide for themselves if fitting in at the cost of their individuality is worth more than being independent but retaining their genuine selves. And in the end, was it worth it?
Episode 9: 71 minutes
“Once you see the credits, you’ll realize why you put up with so much. Names of others who were in the same boat will show up as well. You’ll know how exhausting and strenuous it was.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom make some progress with their reconciliation and work hard to get on the same page with each other. As soon as they take one step forward, it seems they always take two steps back. This episode is big on lessons about the power of a single word, and how difficult communication can be, especially when emotions are raw. A big case of intent versus impact. Lee Yeong Hwa becomes impulsive during an argument with Seo Dan Ah and her real nature comes out.
Just like at the end of each semester. It feels short, it is only 16 weeks but in the end, after all of the trials and tribulations, there is just a big sigh of relief that overcomes everyone it seems. You blink once or twice and boom, the beginning of the semester flew by and you’re already in a dead week swamped with assignments, papers, projects, and exams to complete.
It makes me think about the times I’ve said goodbye to good friends. On the night before graduation in my sophomore year and junior year of school, after I turned out the light and went to lie on my bed, I couldn’t sleep. I stayed awake thinking, “Wow… After graduation tomorrow, they’ll be gone. I probably will never see some of them ever again.” They gave me so much joy in my life and the thought of continuing high school without them and their enthusiasm was disheartening to the point where I wept. I was selfish in wanting them to stay, which I don’t have an entitled right to but I felt like with my friends who were seniors and juniors leaving, my journey itself seemed mysteriously lost some of its meaning.
I wonder if graduation from college will feel like that. A college education is important and I’ve been grateful for all the knowledge I’ve learned. I just hope that the end credits of graduation will give me fulfillment. Would it be a waste if I somehow didn’t experience those feelings at the end? I wonder if older people who went through this strenuous journey also had these questions too when they were close to being done.
Episode 10: 71 minutes
“Why are you saying that here? Try it first. If it doesn’t work, you can give up then.” Ki Seon Gyeom
Episode Preview/Summary: Spoilers! Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom are officially together! It only took ten episodes… One couple is doing great and the other one is in shambles. Confessing is never easy, whether it is in relationships or careers, but the main four quartets learn how to muster up the courage to admit their innermost thoughts and fears. Emotions rise as they struggle to understand each other’s feelings, but learning to communicate is necessary if they want to move forward together. Looking to figure out what went wrong, Seo Dan Ah seeks out help from Oh Mi Joo. Lee Yeong Hwa turns to Ki Seon Gyeom to help with paying rent for the next month.
I feel like trying out something first and seeing if we’ll like it very much is brave for people. I’m part of that too. I like new experiences but the thought of the worst-case scenario in the end result of me not liking something scares me as well. But it’s such a good feeling to actually like something after trying it. Or if the end result is not good, hopefully, at least the process of getting there will be good and enjoyable.
The thought and action of starting something but not knowing if it will succeed are daunting. I think some people are too quick to give up without trying first. There’s nothing too bad about trying, maybe just the time (and if there is money involved) that someone won’t get back. But it’ll either “work or not work,” or in some cases, it is either a “yes or no.” And if we’re lucky, it could be a “maybe.” Study abroad in Seoul, South Korea. I felt like that was one of the biggest challenges I endured in college, I legitimately didn’t know if I was going to succeed. The only thing I had was my determination.
Studying abroad in Seoul, South Korea at Yonsei University was surreal in that I couldn’t believe I was actually there living away from home and in a foreign country. It was my goal to study abroad ever since I entered college, that was something I wanted to do as part of my college career. I had friends and people who also wanted to study abroad too but they never followed through with those words. I feel like the difference that separated me from my friends who also had that aspiration is conviction. I didn’t have more wealth or resources compared to my friends and people who were better off. But I had the drive and determination to seek out the things I needed to obtain my dream. I think that is a life component that separates others, seeing if they have the conviction to follow through on their words and actions.
Episode 11: 70 minutes
“I was aware of what I did and didn’t need. If I never had it, I wasn’t greedy. If I still wanted it, I got something similar, even if it was fake. ” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyeom becomes Kim Woo Sik’s personal agent and trainer. Ki Seon Gyeom and Oh Mi Joo are exploring their new relationship with all the joy and freedom of two young semi-employed folks. Things aren’t going so smoothly for the second lead, though, as Lee Yeong Hwa tries to keep his distance, and Seo Dan Ah begins to understand why she admires Lee Yeong Hwa.
I say that with full belief in it, but at times, my belief has been challenged and made me reevaluate. Even with my conviction, effort, hope, faith, and support. I will still fall, crash, stumble, cry, and make mistakes because I am clumsy and still have many things to learn. I’ve learned that we can only travel for so long until we need someone to lean on. We’re not supposed to know everything in life.
The feeling of being content. It’s a very frustrating feeling for me personally. On the one hand, you’re happy with where you are in life. Which is great, no extra stress or lingering regrets. But I also have this other perspective about content. If I’m content, does that mean I don’t want to seek improvement anymore? Content means being comfortable. And being comfortable means I start to let my guard down.
I think it’s because I’ve been living in a constant fight or flight state that it is difficult for me to just let things be and finally let my guard down. I still have so much to learn and improve upon, I shouldn’t allow myself to feel content. I feel like if I become content that would become a weakness. But then, when will I ever let myself decide that what I’ve done is enough?
Episode 12: 69 minutes
“Only I can make myself feel better because they are my feelings. How can I make you go through that? That’s abuse.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Spoiler! The second leads finally are official too! It only took twelve episodes… Seo Dan Ah finally gives in to what she really wants but the most difficult thing is whether she’s willing to let herself have it. Lee Yeong Hwa is just overjoyed about this whole situation. The roles are switched, the second leads are now happy but Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom hit the first hurdle in their relationship, will their relationship survive this?
It’s amazing to see what having a healthy mindset can do for a person. When I don’t overthink and just live life and have confidence in myself and my actions. It makes me feel as if I’m on a runner’s high and I can achieve most things I want.
One weakness I had to work on a lot in high school is belief in myself. Funny how sometimes we let other people’s words and opinions dictate how we feel and view ourselves. When the only person who knows you the best is well, yourself. With that said, I think having things in moderation is the best. Listening to ourselves is great as we know how we feel best but the words from someone important give good insight and perspective too in handling life decisions.
Episode 13: 70 minutes
“I sometimes feel like I do not deserve him. When I am with him, I sometimes end up being faced with my flaws. And I lose focus on my work. Love is great but I never want to lose focus on my work no matter what happens. It is kind of like losing myself.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyeom and Oh Mi Joo decide to take a break from each other but they miss each other dearly. The problems between them aren’t so easily solved, and life still makes demands when you keep moving forward, even while being hurt. Seo Dan Ah and Lee Yeong Hwa are full of sunshine and laughter as they navigate their brand-new relationship. A birthday party became filled with more surprises than anticipated.
One of those things that I received the best advice for is finding the work that we’re most passionate about. The sense of fulfillment and calmness when a person finds their “purpose” or “spark” that feeling is so precious. No explanations or great debates are needed. Just a sense of comfort knowing this is where you are supposed to be and this is what you’re meant to do. I think it also comes down to loving yourself and defining what that means to you individually.
Episode 14: 71 minutes
“Who do you think will end up living with me forever? No, it’s me. Myself. And in your case, it is you. So, you need to take good care of yourself and fix yourself whenever something breaks.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Oh Mi Joo gets the perfect script to help her muddle through what life throws at her. Ki Seon Gyeom struggles to keep his father out of his work. Seo Dan Ah struggles with accumulating stress that not even a sweet seaside date in Lee Yeong Hwa’s hometown can soothe.
It is an easy concept to understand, and yet some people don’t figure it out until later in life. The most time we’ll spend in life is with ourselves, so it’s better to find ways to love who we are. It will make life a bit more bearable. The waves won’t wash us away, the earthquakes won’t tear us down, and the winds won’t hinder us. I’m less harsh on myself now when I make mistakes. If I were to use the words I say to myself when I make mistakes with my friends, I would probably never have friends ever again. If I know that to be true then I shouldn’t use those words on myself too. Treating myself better now, that’s the bottom line.
Episode 15: 65 minutes
“You can stay where you are. I’m going to keep some distance so that I can always see you. If I’m too far, I can’t see you. If I’m too close, you’ll block my field of vision.” – Lee Yeong Hwa
Episode Preview/Summary: Love is in the air, but a dark cloud lingers above the main quartet, it seems like family problems are rearing their ugly heads. The leads have learned to stop running away and instead step toward what they want. Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom help out Ki Seon Gyeom’s older sister Ki Eun Bi. Seo Dan Ah let go of Lee Yeong Hwa.
In treating myself better, it is necessary for me to not get tunnel vision in life. It’s fun to want something difficult to obtain, it makes life more enjoyable. Life wouldn’t be fun if everything was easy to obtain and effortless. So even if the treasure map and the puzzle take longer to complete, I know it will be worth it in the end. Because I made it into something important to me.
Episode 16: 70 minutes
“They say we all have a jewelry box we want to keep to ourselves. What’s in it doesn’t always have to be jewelry though. It can be sea glass you found at the beach, a shell, or it can be a button from someone’s school uniform. Anything that can be a memory. Something that serves as a sparkling memory that I keep in a jewelry box only I can open. It’s a way of saving the precious moment you might never get to experience again.” – Bartender
Episode Preview/Summary: The end has arrived, and Run On decides what a happy ending looks like for the two couples and all of their friends and family. Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom now speak the same language. Seo Dan Ah and Lee Yeong Hwa agree on the status of their relationship and both achieve their goals.
I understand that everybody has a different type of struggle that they must go through and that’s reasonable. I too, like many others, believe that their own struggle was unique and different. It is the people and lessons through those experiences that make those hardships worth it. We find who we can trust, and who cares about us, and we learn from it. Coming to college has done that for me. As much as I love the things I’ve learned, it is the people that I have met that both made my experience great and at times, horrible. I’m happy to say that my jewelry box is filled to the brim, it’s like an extra-large suitcase just overflowing. I think one big idea I came away with after watching Run On is that even after all the hardships and trials they have endured, they keep on running.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello! This piece was for a writing assignment for my ENGL 327W – Creative Non-Fiction course. Specifically for this assignment, we had to write it in the format of a reportage. I decided to write about love and how someone knows when they’ve experienced love. There is definitely room to improve on visualization and making the reader feel rather than me telling. Still, I hope you will be able to enjoy this piece and in a way resonate with it.
6 Minutes Read
How do you know when you’re in love? Being the recipient and the gifter of that question, it doesn’t feel comfortable in either situation. As the recipient, you have the burden of bestowing new knowledge to that person, but how do you know that what you experienced was love? And as the gifter, you ask a question that is so broad and profound that finding the starting line to begin answering the question is quite difficult. “Like, what type of love do you mean?” This is usually the first question I get back from people to clarify my question. But for the longest time growing up, I didn’t understand why there is a difference in love. How different can other loves be from each other? The love that interests me most is romantic love. The type of love that transcends space and time…(well, maybe not like that as it’s probably going overboard with it), the type of love that butterflies flock to and that is falsified with Disney Princesses and Prince Charming. Other loves just didn’t appeal to me, not yet anyways.
“When are you getting married?” The first time my grandma Zoua asked me that question was when I was 14 years old, that first conversation was filled with tears from my eyes and tears in my injured heart. Over time with calmer dialogue and cooler heads (more on my part), that question became less of a burden to answer. I learned that she wanted me to get married young so she could see and hold my kids… her great-grandchildren. I already had older cousins that had fulfilled that for her, but she would not be satisfied until she saw and held mine. That is what happens when you’re the favorite, dark hidden burdens are bestowed upon us and we carry them without knowing. Only when revealed to us do we know how heavy those burdens are. I knew I was going to disappoint her as what I wanted didn’t align with her aspirations for me. We were stuck on an impasse, me wanting kids that are interracial, and her wanting kids fully Hmong.
Grandma Zoua has that old-school mindset of being conservative and hates change. She was always distrustful of the land and home she migrated to, the United States of America provided her and her lineage with opportunities for a better life. However, she could never fully trust it, which included people outside of the Hmong culture. She had preconceived prejudices already made about non-Hmong people. Can you imagine her rage and shock when her favorite grandchild said he wanted interracial kids? Fast-forward two years later, I was naive and rebellious while Grandma Zoua was weak and brittle. However, she always had plenty of energy stored away to ask me that question. “When are you getting married?” I know how this ends already, we would go back and forth (politely) until reaching the impasse where emotions were high and logic was really low. Her stubbornness would make stains on clothes seem like child’s work. If you were going to convince her of her view, you had better be able to make the sun and the moon join together as evidence. We indeed reached the impasse, but this time Grandma Zoua’s eyes had other plans.
Luckily, the sun and moon were with us in that cramped living room that day. She asked, “How do you know when you’re in love?” which took me completely by surprise as she’s never asked me that question before. Seeing how I was having difficulty answering the question she decided to answer it for me. “You’ll know when you’re in love when you want the other person to be happy. There are many types of love out there in the world. Love for yourself, love for significant other, love for family… it takes many shapes and forms.” She would go on and say how she’s fine with me having interracial children in the future ending with a phrase that I have kept since then. “As long as you’re happy and you both love each other, I’ll be happy too.” I couldn’t tell if she truly believed what she said or if she said that to make me feel better.
Love is never that simple though as I’ve learned through first-hand experience and talking with various people. Because love does many things when people are in that state. It’s as if the person in love becomes intoxicated and addicted to the person they’re with. If these two people in love were to be separated, it would cause relapse and withdrawal. Emotions are sky-high, and logic in a way goes out the window accompanied by their inhibitions. This leads to the people in love planning for the future. Maybe it’s the old-fashion vision of the white picket fence on a little hill with children running around that comes to mind when people are in love. Love is a feeling but chemically, brain activity increases for these individuals, and this could vary based on how long someone has been in love.
There is no right or wrong answer to the question. It’s a mix of personal experience and science at work. It’s different for everyone and everyone could have a different answer for a particular love. Some people enter the world of love and find out how ruthless it can be. Love is a game to some people and for those who are willing to participate in the game, they won’t be the same once they’ve exited the stage. The true answer might never be found but we have small truths that can help us understand this a little more. So, how would you answer it? How do you know when you’re in love?
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello! This piece was for a writing assignment for my ENGL 327W – Creative Non-Fiction course. Specifically for this assignment, we had to write it in the format of a personal essay. I decided to write about how much anime has influenced my life. There is definitely room to improve on visualization and making the reader feel rather than me telling. Still, I hope you will be able to enjoy this piece and in a way resonate with it.
8 Minutes Read
Anime. It is a specific type of Japanese film and television animation aimed at adults and children. The genres and variety are very large and expansive. Anime has been around for a long time now since the 20th century and has now accumulated an international following. I first got into anime by accident as I watched cartoons growing up on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Pokemon, Yugioh, and Dragon Ball Z were the first introductory animes I watched as a youth. People watch anime for various reasons, for the suspenseful storytelling, for the crisp and clean artwork, and/or the iconic music (Seriously, some of the music that is composed is top tier). All I cared about when I was younger was just the cool action scenes and didn’t bat an eye at the plot, stories, or lessons that accompanied the anime. It wasn’t until I got into my first year of Junior High School that I began to pay closer attention to the animes I watched, that was when the fun began.
One thing that surprised me over time in watching different animes is the life lessons that are taught to the viewers. I know now that the animes I watched greatly influenced my way of thinking as the lessons I learned from those shows I applied to my life. Not all animes are created equal as some are better than each other so following the ones that are popular isn’t always the best choice (Also, keep in mind that this is 100% subjective so if you end up disliking my three favorite animes, that is totally fine as well). With that said in no particular order, my three favorite animes are Mobile Suit Gundam 00, Haikyuu, and Violet Evergarden. And here are three life lessons I learned from my three favorite animes. Let’s start off with Mobile Suit Gundam 00 and a quick back story.
Released on October 6th, 2007, and ended with its second season on March 29th, 2009. Gundam 00 is set on a futuristic Earth in the year 2307 AD. Due to the depletion of fossil fuels, humanity was in search of a new source of power. Three superpower nations fighting each other for control of new energy sources would lead to the formation of a group called Celestial Being, a paramilitary organization whose goal is the eradication of conflict and war with unique and technologically advanced mobile suits known as “Gundams.” (Think of it as a Transformer that has a human pilot in the middle of their body in a cockpit). The Gundam series is notoriously known for its giant robots piloted by adolescents and young adults fighting each other in wars and conflicts they get dragged into. Warfare is a huge theme and Gundam 00 is no exception to the trope in this series.
The lesson I learned from Gundam 00 is that war rarely is caused by irreconcilable disagreements among people. It mostly involves the people in high positions with power that abuse it for their own gain. Humans are not known to be rational creatures as people will end up going to war for the pettiest reasons. This leads to the regular people that suffer the most due to wars and conflicts as collateral damage. The moral lines of good and bad are extremely thin and narrow because depending on the perspective you’re viewing from, one action can be seen as both right and wrong. The world is very cruel, and the level of cruelty is sometimes hell on Earth (It made me aware that everyone is fighting their own personal war too, even those who are lactose intolerant sitting on the toilet). I am naturally a pretty positive person but due to the unfortunate circumstance of growing up in a toxic dysfunctional family, I knew early on how cruel the world can be. That is why I related intensely to the lessons in Gundam 00 because I was fucked over by the world as collateral damage too. It was an anime that helped validate the feelings I had and that was what I needed most in my life.
Moving on to a less violent and depressing anime, we have Haikyuu, which is a comedic coming-of-age anime about volleyball. Debuted on April 6th, 2014, Haikyuu follows rivals Hinata and Kageyama’s first year of volleyball together at Karasuno High School. Hinata is short and lacks volleyball experience but has incredible athletic reflexes while Kageyama is a born genius on the court with complete command of the sport. The anime is currently still in production gearing towards its final arcs and seasons (Which I’m very conflicted on as I hope I don’t get disappointed like season eight of Game of Thrones).
The year that Haikyuu debuted was also the same year I had just got done in my first season of playing volleyball for Chico High School. Haikyuu fed my volleyball cravings so well that I dreamt that I was on the court with the Karasuno team. One lesson I learned from watching Haikyuu is that being weak means that there is room to grow. I am a highly competitive person, I just don’t have the skills nor am I good enough sometimes to back it up. Losing would make me feel frustrated because I hated how it felt (It was also because we got our asses kicked for the majority of the volleyball season in my Freshman year). I just had a negative perspective on failure because there was no room for me to fail. I held onto that for many aspects of my life in my adolescent years, failure was not an option and that was how I survived. It wasn’t until I watched Haikyuu that my mindset and perspective changed. I began to enjoy the journey more than the result. I truly embraced what it meant to be a learner, learning both the positive and the negative. I enjoyed my classes more, my growth in volleyball was accelerated, and I became happier, even if it was for a brief time. And finding happiness in life can be quite difficult.
Just ask Violet Evergarden. The title is both the name of the anime and the main protagonist that first aired from January 11th, 2018 to April 5th, 2018, and concluded its story with a film in 2020. Working as an Auto Memory Doll, someone who writes for others as the majority of the people in this time period is illiterate, the story follows Violet’s journey to reintegration into society after spending the majority of her young life as a soldier (She’s 14 when she begins working as an Auto Memory Doll). Her reasoning for becoming an Auto Memory Doll is to understand the words “I love you,” the last words said to her by her mentor and guardian, Major Gilbert. Getting to know how the story of Violet Evergarden ended in 2020 was one of the few highs of that year.
2018 was the year I began to explore my creative writing and watching Violet Evergarden while that was happening made the experience even more fun and exhilarating. One life lesson I learned from Violet Evergarden is that reflection is important to truly progress. Whether it is about the journey that was taken or coming to terms with our decisions in the past. In one way or another, our past and our present are connected (A few decisions from the past always decide to come and stab us in the back just when we’re not expecting it). The only thing that changes about the past is how we feel about it in the present. One outlet for figuring out those emotions and having intentional reflection is through writing. Reflecting is difficult for me as an adolescent as I tend to not want to remember my early years as they weren’t colorful like skittle rainbows but more like piano keys, black and white. Being able to come to terms with a reflection in asking the important questions of why and how can help with the healing process.
War is hell and the world is cruel, failure does not simply mean weakness because it also means room for growth and improvement, and reflection is key for true progress. Those are a few lessons I learned from watching anime over the years. I’m sure I’ll learn more in the future as new animes are always in the works. Anime is great and more people should give it a try (I also recommend these three animes I mentioned if you’re ever bored or want to try something new).
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello! This piece was for a writing assignment for my ENGL 327W – Creative Non-Fiction course. Specifically for this assignment, we had to write it in the format of a memoir. I don’t remember why I wrote about this topic but it turned out well. There is definitely room to improve on visualization and making the reader feel rather than me telling. Still, I hope you will be able to enjoy this piece and in a way resonate with it.
5 Minutes Read
I don’t remember when was the last time I smiled genuinely. I do smile because it is an innate human emotion, but the emotion that I project may not always be the happiness that accompanies my smile. A genuine smile that can illuminate the room with positivity. Now, it’s like sometimes I smile but I don’t feel happy and I would ask myself why sometimes. I was once told “You smile and laugh loudly but your eyes tell me a different story. It must’ve been difficult for you to have practiced so much to smile like that.” It shocked me that someone was able to see through how easily they saw through my mask. This mask I’ve worked hard to craft to hide away my emotions from the world. The more interesting question is why did I develop this mask? Maybe I can blame this on all the depression I’ve experienced in my life. Or maybe it’s still that idea I concentrated on when I was younger. “I’m not allowed to be happy. I don’t have much to smile about in my life.” Maybe it’s because of that way of thinking, my smile always felt off.
Remember how I said, “I don’t remember when was the last time I smiled genuinely?” I lied because I do remember. The Year of the Pig, 2019, was the year I smiled more than I ever did in my life. Manting in 2019 still looked the same as now but his ambition would intimidate others. If you could not keep up with him, you would be left behind in the dust. And yet people didn’t know how difficult it was for him because he was constantly living in winter since his Junior year of high school. Until one day, the long cold winter that had nothing but rainstorms cleared up, and the water lilies began to blossom for me. My friends in 2019 said something to me that surprised me. “Dude, I’ve never seen you smile like that before. Like the way you’re smiling is like someone who is experiencing pure happiness for the first time in their life.” I was quite sad when they told me that. Because if that is how they’re seeing me, then what was I like before experiencing this smile? Was all of the happiness I experienced prior to 2019 just fabrications? My friends were right but it’s been three years since 2019 and now I don’t want to remember it. Weird how that works right? The happiest moments of my life were in 2019 and now I don’t want anything to do with it.
The water lilies withered away and the rainstorm returned, this time with lightning and thunder. The sound of the thunder felt like nature was taunting me for even having the audacity to believe that the water lilies would stay permanent. Because that smile in 2019 is a reminder of my weakness, failure, and imperfections. It’s ironic really how the course of my life has developed. So many misfortunes have been bestowed upon me and yet, I continue to be resilient, clawing my way toward the light at the end of the tunnel only to emerge into another tunnel that is even darker. “Maybe if I live long enough, there is something good that might happen?” Or maybe I should be more grateful for what I have in my life and just smile? I was a lot more optimistic in 2019 than I am currently, and I miss that part of me.
I remember being asked “Why not include your failures too? They are also part of your journey towards success.” And that simple question gave me hope, which is not a feeling I quite like because having hope is dangerous. It is cruel to have hope only for it to be destroyed by the expectations you set upon others. But if I was able to smile like that for the wrong one, I know the smile I have for the right one will overcome everything. I won’t worry about my weakness, failures, and imperfections and let them hinder me as much anymore. If I’m perfect without any flaws, then what else can I work towards or strive to be? I’ve been hiding all of that pain with a smile. I know that I shouldn’t be doing that anymore but I’m slowly tearing that down to smile correctly. Instead, I’ll just make sure to feel everything for what it is. So, if you see me smile in the future, know that the water lilies are revived and the rainstorm has passed.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last uploaded new works on my WordPress. I recently graduated from CSU, Chico! In my last semester, I took ENGL 420W once again as a fun class for myself. This is one of the pieces I wrote for class. I wrote about the feelings of how a loving parent would tell and think about their children. Specifically, I wrote it from the perspective of a father. I’m not a dad yet but I tried my best to convey some of the emotions I think I would eventually come to feel and think too. I hope you all are doing well and enjoy!
1 Minute Read
When you were born, it became real to me.
Real in the things I needed to do.
I’ve never done this before, so I apologize first.
I may not say the right things, and I will irritate you greatly
It is because I want what is best for you.
But when the day comes you know what you want.
I will gladly accept your decisions.
When you fall in love, I will be both happy and sad.
The experiences of love are unimaginable.
It will take you to the greatest of highs and the deepest of lows.
Whoever you love, all I ask is for you to be happy.
The day I die and pass away. I hope the sadness and tears
will only last briefly. More than anything, you must
continue to live, there is still so much for you to do.
We can continue all the conversations we didn’t have
when I see you again in heaven.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
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