Author’s Note: Heyo! I started writing this piece in 2021, but it’s taken me a while to finish it. For a long time, I wasn’t sure if I should even share it. I questioned what it meant for me and if I was truly ready to acknowledge and embrace this part of myself. As the title suggests, this poem explores my experiences as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), especially when I feel like I’ve made mistakes. For those unfamiliar, HSP refers to individuals with a heightened central nervous system sensitivity to the world around them—be it physical, emotional, or social stimuli. We’re often unfairly labeled “too sensitive.”
A mentor once told me I have high emotional intelligence (EQ), which they called “the gift.” High EQ is the ability to understand, use, and manage emotions positively, both your own and those of others. I believe being an HSP contributed to my high EQ, so there are both positives and negatives to this trait. It’s important to understand that being an HSP is not a mental illness or a disorder; it’s a completely normal, innate trait. If you’re curious to learn more, Psychology Today has some great resources.
5 Minutes Read
*Reflection Before the Curtain* I once had strong mental fortitude, but since 2021, my mental health would temporarily declined every few months. These dark thoughts about myself creep in and settle for a week or two before I eventually recover. Being an HSP only adds to the weight. I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I tell myself I need to grant myself grace, to accept I’ll never be perfect. I remind myself these thoughts aren’t true, but in those moments, they feel so convincing.
And yet, I don’t treat myself very well in general. The harshest voice in my life has always been my own. Especially after I’ve made mistakes. I overthink everything I do; every word, every glance, every silence. It’s exhausting, the way I replay the interactions I had with someone repeatedly in my head. If I hurt someone or made them uncomfortable, my mind won’t let it go. I keep asking myself: What could I have done differently? Why did it have to happen like that?
I don’t just feel my own emotions, I feel the weight of the people around me, especially those I think I’ve hurt. I can distract myself for a little while with work or school, but my mind always circles back. Even when I’ve apologized or been forgiven. Even when everything settled. It doesn’t matter. My mind keeps punishing me, over and over, for not knowing better. And when those thoughts return, they don’t knock politely. They arrive like this:
*The Curtain Lifts*
My hand moves to tear my roots, my stems. I can’t blossom, I can’t hope. I sever every path to light. I can never be someone who thrives. Someone strong? Someone who belongs? How could I? I was never meant to survive.
I’m sorry for moving too fast, scared it’ll never last. Each time it ends, I blame myself, for wanting too much, for feeling too deeply, for being a wound in search of warmth. Maybe if I loved myself, I could forgive Manting: who tried too hard, who struggles to breathe, who is afraid of abandonment. Knowing that I don’t have to be perfect, that my worth isn’t measured by how little I need.
I memorized every failure, every missed signal, every almost, but I never learned. I should’ve been my best, and maybe I was. Maybe this brokenness was all I had. I should’ve known better, but I still hoped. Will I ever learn?
I know I’m only human. I know I’m always healing, but what if I never fully heal? The gift of an HSP becomes a burden. Every goodbye echoes for years. The pain doesn’t stop, it changes costumes. I tell myself I don’t deserve happiness. Love? That’s for someone else. Not for someone like me.
Because I’m hard to love. I make it impossible. When you leave, as you always do, I call it fate, but I know the truth: it’s me. Maybe that is all I’m worth, mastering tragic roles, bleeding beautifully, turning emptiness into performance. If that’s all I am, then I’ll perfect this once more, cutting off all hope, vanishing behind the curtain, like I was never real.
So, that’s it. My experience in life being an HSP. It might feel like you have to reach out to me to check if I’m okay (especially if you’re a family or friend), but truly, I mean this with sincerity, I’m okay. I always recover after each time I fall. I typically don’t voice it when it happens because I know this is something I must deal with. And yes, I have gone to therapy before, and it helped. But I can’t always rely on that to assist me in this. I’ll sing, dance, write, listen to good music, eat good food, laugh at something funny, play volleyball, and lean on trust.
By doing that, I’ll be okay. I still have so much to do and so much to live for. I don’t plan on giving that up just because I feel bad or down about myself. I’ve been worse, I’ve survived worse. Does it suck that this happens? Sure, it does, but everyone has their struggles. This is mine. Maybe one day I’ll write about the things I love about myself to contrast with this piece.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hi there! This is my last post for 2024. Before the year ends, I wanted to share another piece because a lot has happened since summer. Not all of my writing is about this year; it’s a mix of my reflections on past events and how they connect to now. This is the only poem I’ve written since Gentle Hazel Crush, which was released last year. After the poem, I’ll explain my thoughts and what each part might mean. I enjoy writing that has a clear message but still allows for different interpretations. That’s what I aimed for in this poem. It draws inspiration from four different pieces of media: three songs and one Korean drama. The songs are “My Story” by Oxynova, “Pursuing The Happiness by LeeSSang“, and “The Spring Hunger by Homies“. The drama is called Twinkling Watermelon. I’ve mixed elements from these works with my own creativity to create the poem below. I hope you’ll take your time to read this piece. Each line has been methodically placed so that it builds as you read.
2 Minutes Read
Tied to dreams since I started crawling. Ghosts of grief have taken hold. The dying flames told me that we must live righteously… live well, even while scraping dirt for fragmented faith.
Poverty is my greatest fear. The embers extinguished, the thunder nears… How long can I suppress this hunger?
Struggle deals. Struggled evils. Poisoned wells. Hollow secrets. Hollowed perfection. Empty shells. Yeah, starting then, I had to be fuckin’ crazy, the kind of madness only survival understood.
When you didn’t live anymore, what dreams could you have then? What lies and laughter can conceal that trauma? Happiness… Is it strange that I still feel this way?
And yet…
Even if everything I do seems pathetic, even if everything burns away, even if the world is against me. I promised myself, no matter what, I will be successful. I believe I will, there is no choice.
And if this shit ain’t my calling then you know it’s my vendetta. If I succeed, you’ll love it. But if I fail… I become more obsessed.
Because I’m a million man I'm the type to make a million men to go and make a million plans so we can advance for one chance to make amends.
Happiness is a dream, so all the broken things will put on a smile. Happiness was the dream, so that one day, everything can shine.
I’m being honest: I don’t think anyone will read this part. I’d be very surprised if anyone’s curiosity went beyond the poem to this section.
Yay! You made it here. Interesting poem, right? Do you think the final stanza is positive or sad? There’s no clear answer. I’ll let you decide. The title, ‘Spring Hunger, When Happiness Is A Dream’, came from mixing titles of songs by Homies and LeeSSang. It went through several revisions before I chose this one. I aimed for the title and the poem to connect and reflect each other.
‘Spring Hunger’ shows my strong desire to chase dreams and overcome challenges. Spring represents new beginnings and growth but also carries a deep hunger for a better future, filled with pain and longing. ‘When Happiness Is A Dream’ highlights the main struggle: my quest for happiness as a distant goal. This dream, while yearned for, feels out of reach, showing the clash between hope and the realities of hardship.
The poem explores struggles, growth, dreams, ambition, leadership, redemption, and happiness. I especially like the last stanza. It presents an interesting idea: everyone changes after experiencing happiness, even if it comes with pain—whether physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological. Those who were hurt can still smile because it meant something. In the end, it might all be worth it.
I feel like over this past year, happiness has begun to transition to something that was the dream. Don’t get me wrong, I still strive for happiness (whatever that may look like for me in the future) but if I’m just focused and fixated on that, I might be missing out on the other important things in my life. If I achieve the things I need currently, then eventually that will lead to me being happy, right? Sometimes it feels like I’ll never truly be happy? I’d like to think that I’ve healed from my painful upbringing but the results and experiences of what I encounter from time to time presently remind me of why I haven’t.
It feels like a constant battle each year ever since I became an adult. Moments where I feel good about myself and my progress in life and then moments where I feel like the efforts I’ve put in haven’t amounted to what I want yet. This internal struggle often leaves me reflecting on my choices, questioning whether I’m on the right path or if I need to pivot in a new direction. There are days when I wake up feeling optimistic, energized by the possibilities that lie ahead, and it’s sad to admit this but that feeling is pretty rare for me.
I believe this poem captures my feelings from this year, especially after my summer trip to Michigan. Some of my writing is literal, while other parts are more abstract. If you’ve read this far, congrats! You get to know something special: I got accepted into graduate school! I’ll start in Spring 2025 at Chico State for an MA in Social Science. I’ll share more details on my Instagram later this month.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello! Before I continue, it is NOT required of you to have read the first story. I highly recommend reading it to get an even more complete experience with some references and connections between Ting and Teela. I know what you’re saying right now, WHAT?! A sequel? Haha, yes, this is the sequel to my story ‘Letter From Your Sister” This means we get to see more interactions between our protagonist and his younger sister Teela! But how am I going to write a sequel to a dream I had?
To be honest, I don’t know either. I guess that is where the fun comes in. I get to make things up now to connect this sequel to the first story or dream. Plus, I get to add some of my recent life events and experiences into this piece to spice things up. And if you haven’t figured it out yet, the prequel’s title is included in this one too! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this read! Stick around after the ending to read up on the creative process I went through to get to this point of writing this story!
20 Minutes Read
The door into the patient room closes. This causes Teela to turn and stare at the person in front of her from her seated position on the hospital bed. She’s unable to stop smiling because she’s been waiting for this person. “You made it.” said Teela. “Yeah, I did. Sorry, it took me so long to get here.” said Ting. Ting begins to get teary-eyed seeing his sister in this condition. It reminded him of how their Grandma was in her final years. Weak, fragile, and scared. “You’re crying already? Don’t cry too much. I don’t want my last memories of my Older Brother to be of him crying for me.” said Teela.
“Okay, sorry. I’ll try my best to minimize my crying but there are no guarantees. You already know how I am, still a crybaby even after all these years.” replied Ting. “Well, still try your best. Plus, I don’t have tissues for you this time around.” Teela teased Ting. “Where’s Sister-In-Law? I wanted to see her too.” asked Teela. “She’s waiting outside in the lobby area with Juneson and Caroline. She wanted to give us some privacy first. She’ll come in later with them. How do you feel?” asked Ting. “Better now with you here.” Teela smiled as she said that and blinked a few times sarcastically. Seeing how Ting didn’t smile back she knew he wanted a different reply. “But I know you want my honest answer… I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. I can feel it. I don’t want to continue living in this condition. I don’t want us to focus on that though. Let’s just talk and see how it goes. This may be my last conversation with you, Ting.” replied Teela.
Teela has gotten skinnier due to her ailment. She’s dying. Her strength and energy began to decline the year Ting got married. She didn’t share with anyone about her illness. The only person who knew was Ting and his wife. She kept up the act until it was too late. She held on for so long to see Ting grow with his new beautiful family. In the five years since Ting got married, he has one son named Juneson and one daughter named Caroline. Juneson was born first and Caroline a few years afterward. It’s an interesting juxtaposition here, Teela’s life is ending and Ting’s new life is flourishing.
Ting doesn’t reply as he ponders on Teela’s words. He nods while preparing himself for this conversation with his sister. He takes a minute to himself and looks around Teela’s room. The white and dark blue decorations create a homey feel as the orange and yellow sunset from outside paints the walls through the window. Ting walks over and sits in the chair by Teela’s bed and turns his whole body to face her. Teela breaks the silence by asking Ting first. “I have a lot to talk to you about. You have time for me, right?” Teela asked Ting. “Yes, I’ve been meaning to talk to you too.” Ting replied.
“Then, my first question is, do you think we’ll still have these same feelings? About each other? About the future? About where we will be?” asked Teela. “Maybe? We’re going to change so much. These feelings might change too. I don’t want to forget you. It will be difficult moving on without my Younger Sister to tease and nag at me.” replied Ting. “And what feelings are those that you’re meaning?” asked Teela. “That I love my sister so much. I wish she could have lived a beautiful life. One where the end of her story is filled with happiness and laughter. One where her goodbyes are few and her hellos are definite. One where… one where my sister is alive with me.”
Teela chuckles at that part of Ting’s reply. Teela explained “Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh at that, just now that you said it out loud, it makes me realize that is what I want too. I’ve been convincing myself that this is it and the more I try to reason with it, the more I push back. It’s as if my body isn’t willing to give up yet. And you don’t have to worry about that anymore, please. I did live a beautiful life, I was able to see you study abroad in South Korea. I was able to see you get your degree. And I was able to see you get married. All those memories of you made my life beautiful.” She continued “Can you believe that it’s been five years since then? Five years since I gave you that letter?” asked Teela. “Wow, five years. That’s half a decade already. Has it been that long? I can’t believe that five years went by just like that. It was an enjoyable and happy time we got to experience together. I still have that letter you wrote me. I read it often whenever I feel down or whenever I miss you.” said Ting.
“You still have that letter? Well, it does sound like you. Should’ve known that you would keep it, you big softie.” Teela teased Ting. “You know you never did tell me how you and Sister-In-Law met. I even mentioned it in the letter and you both never spilled the tea. Nor did you tell me the secret to why you both worked out” said Teela. “Right, I guess I never did tell you. Want me to start from the beginning?” asked Ting. Teela nodded and Ting began. “Forewarning, it’s not as exciting as you may think it is. Don’t hype yourself up just to be let down okay.” said Ting. “Just hurry up already Ting” Teela replied and also gave him a quick jab to his side. Compared to her previous punch at Ting’s wedding, this jab barely had any weight behind it.
“We met in the Spring after I graduated from college. I want to say it was at the beginning of March. We met through a mutual friend. Well, we didn’t formally meet each other. It was more like we were in a shared space and saw each other. I didn’t talk to her at first because I was shy and wasn’t trying to do too much. Even though I was shy, my palms were sweating, my body was heating up, and my face was feeling red… my heart wasn’t racing. Weirdly, it was calm. That was something I noticed about myself when I began to interact with her.” said Ting. He continued “Most of our early interactions were through text. And it never really went anywhere. Mainly because I’m a terrible flirt through text and was never really good at it. And you already know how I am. It’s easy for me to fall for someone. And when I fall, I fall hard. Just traits of a hopeful romantic.” Ting jokes.
“Keep going, I want to hear more about her.” Teela pleaded. “Well, you already know she’s not Hmong. Haha, I can hear Grandma turning in her grave right now. Grandma never liked the idea of me dating someone from a different race or culture. But I’m heavily attracted to white women and that’s not something I choose, it’s just enate.” said Ting. “Honestly, I wasn’t shocked when I found out my Sister-In-Law was white. That was your type. And I did mean it when I said in the letter that you outdid yourself with this one. My Sister-In-Law is gorgeous but she has an even more beautiful soul. My sister-in-law has a way of bringing people together.” Teela said happily.
“The first time we formally talked to each other was at a concert-like event. She was there to support her friends and I wanted to attend to support the event too. And a big part of me was secretly hoping that she was attending. And maybe I could muster up the courage to talk to her in person.” Ting smiled sheepishly as he said that. Teela rolled her eyes when he finished his sentence. “I arrived at the event a little late so I missed the opening act and most of the seats were taken up so I decided to stand in the back. As the next act was coming up, I noticed someone coming to stand next to me on my right side. I don’t think she knew it was me who she was standing next to. Or maybe she knew it was me and purposely stood next to me. I finally had enough courage to tap her shoulder and say ‘Hi’” said Ting
“She’s a bit shorter than me. She has straight and flowy black hair that reaches down past her shoulders. The reason she came late was because she had just gotten out of class. The semester is winding down and she’s busy finishing up her assignments and getting ready for graduation. In fact, she had a presentation showcase earlier that week talking about mental health for one of her classes. I found out that we actually liked the same artist due to me showing her the bracelet I was wearing. She’s an interesting person. She works hard and yet doesn’t feel a sense of accomplishment when she scores top of class. It’s just routine for her. Like, it is to be expected. I was shocked when she shared that. It’s such a flex to say that. It made me admire her and her abilities. It also makes me wonder where that level of confidence stems from. Like, what other experiences did she encounter to make her think like that?” Ting rambled on.
“Sorry, I’m going off-topic, anyways we watched the performances together until there was a minor accident in one of the acts that delayed the show. While that was getting sorted out, it allowed me an opportunity to talk to her. Although it didn’t turn out that way as a few of her friends came over and talked with her. Her attention was divided between her friends and me. As she kept talking it got more difficult paying attention to what she was saying because I was getting lost in her eyes. Funny enough she stopped talking and shared an interesting tendency about her eyes when she’s tired. She was a bit pouty when she revealed that small secret to me. And yet, that made her eyes even more beautiful especially when she smiled too.” said Ting “I told her that it was an interesting quirk. To be honest, I love finding out small details like that about a person.” said Ting.
“Can you describe what you saw in those eyes of hers?” asked Teela. “Her eyes held warmth. A warmth that can dispel any forces of winter that dare to stand in her way. A warmth that gives comfort and stability to those lucky enough to meet her eyes. A warmth that soothes the aching soul and reassures us that better things are coming. That’s what I noticed about her eyes. The accident was sorted out and they resumed the show. Until the intermission before the final act, I’d like to think we stood there together enjoying each other’s company and the show. We even learned a quick dance together too. It was as if we were on a semi-date.” said Ting. “Ting, you are so delusional. That’s not a date you dummy.” Teela shook her head as she said that. “Sadly, I ended up leaving early because I had a responsibility to attend so I couldn’t stay with her the whole time.” Ting sadly said.
“I was actually late to my responsibility and I had to make up a lie to appease the people I was meeting. I ended up saying that I was on a date and that made up for everything apparently. However, that did lead to them nagging at me wanting to learn more about who this mysterious date was.” Ting said while chuckling. Teela gave out a sigh and rolled her eyes again. “I ended up sharing the lie with her, your Sister-In-Law called me out saying that she ‘Knew the lie was that I was on a date with someone.’ She wasn’t mad, more like she was elated from predicting that was the lie I told. I ended up saying ‘It wasn’t a total lie. I was on a date… just with myself.’” Ting jokingly said. “WHAT?! Oh my god. You are so corny.” Teela interrupted not believing the cheesiness she was hearing.
“You want to know what really got me hooked though? She said ‘No, you weren’t alone. You were with me.’ I couldn’t tell if she was flirting with me or just teasing me. Probably just teasing me but you know I’m an overthinker so I interpreted as she was flirting with me. And from that, I asked her out on a date.” said Ting. “Just like that? And it worked?” Teela asked, perplexed. “Well… she rejected me. Not once, not twice, but three times actually.” Ting admitted embarrassingly. “Twice in one month and once the following month.” Ting concluded. “Holy shit Ting that’s brutal. Why did she reject you three times?” asked Teela. “She has her reasons why and I respect that. I’m just also a stubborn person so I kept trying.” Ting admitted.
“Should’ve known that you wouldn’t give up that easily. You always go after the difficult things don’t you? You know that’s your red flag right?” Teela stated to Ting. “I know, that is my red flag. I like to see it more as perseverance rather than me being stubborn.” Ting grinned after saying that. His grin fades and he continues “I can never have it easy huh?” “Nope, you never will. You don’t do yourself any favors too. You always go after the impossible and difficult things. Even when you know you’re not supposed to. I know your heart and how you are. Once you set your mind on something, it’s tough to convince you to stop. So, good luck and keep fighting.” said Teela.
“You two did end up getting married so something must’ve worked. What was it?” As Teela finished asking her question, she started coughing and blood dripped out from the corner of her mouth. Ting grabbed a tissue and wiped away the blood. “Sorry about that, I’ve been holding in that cough since you first walked in…” Teela took a deep breath. “So, how did you two get to this point?” Teela asked again. “It…” Ting began but then Teela stopped him by putting a hand up. “Actually, no. Don’t tell me. Save it.” Ting looked at her confusingly. “Tell it to both Grandma and I when you see us again.” Teela requested. “Why?” Ting asked. “It’s better this way.” Teela said smilingly.
As Teela finishes her sentence, it begins to rain outside. “Aww man. I’m running out of time and this is how Mother Earth is sending me off? In this terrible rainy weather?” Teela tried to uplift the mood with a joke. Seeing how that didn’t work she asked a question. “What was your impression of me?” asked Teela. “My first impression of you was that you were strong. Not in the physical sense but in mindset and your drive. You have a contagious optimism. You have a positive perspective on life and yet you don’t bullshit the realities that we encounter too.” replied Ting. Teela doesn’t reply, instead, she stares out the window thinking about Ting’s reply. “You know, I’m usually not that strong. Often I am scared. Scared that I might fail. Scared that everything I worked hard for might not satisfy me in the end. But I was able to get through it all because of you.” answered Teela. The conversation turns silent and they both stare out the window. The silence is filled with sounds of rain from outside. The rain doesn’t seem to slow down anytime soon. Teela stares back at Ting and he asks her.
Ting’s hands went to cover his eyes and he began to sob. “How… How can you say that? How can you say that when I couldn’t even protect you? Am I enough? Was I ever enough?” asked Ting. “You don’t have to be enough for me. Or for Sister-In-Law. You just have to be enough for yourself. And that will always be the most important thing.” replied Teela. Teela sadly asks “So, is this it? Is this where we part ways?” Ting takes a deep sigh and replies “Yes, it is.” Ting stares at her and asks “Did you ever look up what your name meant?” Teela shakes her head. “Can I make up a meaning for you then?” She nods.
“Teela, her name represents the essence of bravery. Rooted in Edelweiss lore, Teela symbolizes the flowers that guide life’s bravest warriors. Those bearing the name Teela are often seen as beacons of hope, a reminder of that the darkness will pass. Teela inspires others to embrace the beauty of each moment with grace and gratitude. People honor the name Teela by gifting the same enduring love to the world like how she has given them.” stated Ting. Teela and Ting stare back at each other holding back their tears.
“It’s selfish of me to be making so many requests to you but can you leave the room and send Sister-In-Law in here? I want to spend some of these last few moments with her alone.” Teela requested. “I don’t want you to see me get any worse and, I have one last letter addressed for Sister-In-Law’s eyes only.” Teela added. “Okay, if that’s what you want. I will grant it but what’s in the letter for her?” Ting curiously asked as he got up to leave. “That’s our little secret.” Teela teased Ting one last time. “So, where will you go after?” asked Ting. “I don’t know. I’m hoping to visit Grandma. It’s been a while since I last saw her. She should hear it from me about this.”Teela answered. “Say ‘Hi’ to Grandma for me?” asked Ting. “Of course.” said Teela.
Ting got up and started walking to the door. As he gets halfway to the door, he turns around and faces his sister. “You memorized it? The letter you wrote to me?” Ting asked. “Yes, I was the one who wrote it to you.” said Teela. “I have one request. May I hear you say that last paragraph to me? I never got to hear it directly from your voice.” asked Ting. “Congratulations again on your marriage big bro. Ting, I will forever be grateful to have a big brother like you. A big brother who continued to believe in the good of the world even when the world gave him every reason not to. You’re doing enough. You’re doing just fine. I know you and you’re trying your best right now. That’s all you need. Just keep your pace. You did a great job today, you worked so hard. You are my prize. Bye, big bro.” said Teela smiling at Ting. “Goodbye, Teela.” said Ting.
The End
Hello everyone! And with that comes the end of my story; LFYS: It’s Better This Way. I want to say thank you to you the readers who have taken the time to read this story. I hope you were able to enjoy it. This is the first story I’ve written post-graduation from college! I had previously gone through and updated my website back in Fall 2023 and was able to upload many of my works that were stored in my vault. Those works were mostly poems and pieces I wrote for school assignments. So, having to restart and write a new story after such a long time proved to be way more difficult than I had expected. I decided to read through some of my prior pieces to see if any of them could give me inspiration or ideas to explore.
I kept coming back to reread ‘Letter From Your Sister’ and the more I kept reading through, an idea popped into my head. Write a sequel for it! Like, it makes sense? What was weird about continuing the story was that it was solely based on a dream I had years ago. So, the difficult part was how am I going to expand on it? I decided to make it an alternative universe where those events did happen and are true. Then I was able to make an expanded story of Ting’s and Teela’s sibling relationship.
While writing this sequel, I still didn’t want to reveal the identity of the ‘Sister-In-Law’ because I still have no clue who that is. But I was able to give her some short interactions between her and Ting in this story to give her a little of character detail rather than the audience having no idea what she looked or acted like. This has been a tough piece to write about but also very enjoyable problem-solving and brainstorming! Thank you so much again for taking the time to read this. I hope everyone stays safe, stays healthy, and I hope this year treats you well. Bye!
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello! This piece was for a writing assignment for my ENGL 327W – Creative Non-Fiction course. Specifically for this assignment, we had to write it in the format of a lyric essay. I decided to write about the Netflix Korean Drama show Run On. The reason why I wrote about Run On is because it is in my top three Korean Dramas of all time. It may seem boring to some watchers but it was super refreshing to me and the amount of life relatable things the show dives into just resonates so much with me. Something really cool about this essay I wrote is the structure and format of it. I really challenged myself and did something very far left field and I took that risk for this assignment. As you read this piece on the left side will be a short summary of the episode and the quote I took from that episode. Then on the right side, I will have my personal significance section and this is my input on why this quote resonates with me. My professor and classmates were really giddy with the format I chose so I think it was a hit. Spoilers ahead! If you have not watched it yet, please do so and then come back to read this. But if you don’t care about spoilers, go on ahead. There is definitely room to improve on visualization and making the reader feel rather than me telling. Still, I hope you will be able to enjoy this piece and in a way resonate with it.
33 Minutes Read
English Title: Run On
Korean Title: 런 온
Category: Korean Drama, Romance, Comedy, Slice of Life
Created by: JTBC Drama Headquarters
Written by: Park Shi Hyun
Directed by: Lee Jae Hoon
Starring:
Im Si Wan as Ki Seon GyeomKang Tae Oh as Lee Yeong Hwa
Shin Se Kyung as Oh Mi JooChoi Soo Young as Seo Dan Ah
Number of Episodes: 16
Time of Debut: December 16th, 2020
Korean Drama Premise: Run On tells the love story of Ki Seon-gyeom, a former sprinter who is working to become a sports agent, and Oh Mi-joo, a subtitle translator. They briefly work together and bond. Though the two speak very different languages, their mutual interest pushes them past their boundaries. As they get to know each other, they navigate the complexities of human nature and communication. The second lead Seo Dan Ah is a high-ranking CEO of her company and is very career-driven until she meets college art student Lee Yeong Hwa who challenges her ways. Will these second leads be able to live their lives normally after meeting each other?
Episode, Duration, Quote, and Summary
Personal Significance
Episode 1: 67 minutes
“So about that gun… Is it even worth owning when it’s fake?” “It doesn’t have to be real to be worth something.” – Ki Seon Gyeom and Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyeom notices bruises on his friend Kim Woo Sik’s body. To apologize to her professor, Oh Mi Joo agrees to work as a translator for an upcoming event. What sounds like a typical love story between a runner and a translator turns out to be quite atypical in this first episode of Run On. Ki Seon Gyeom’s cold rich boy persona is a mask as he is actually a crazy person, and the spunky poor girl Oh Mi Joo is a loser. However, these characters are much more than their labels, and as their paths cross, it feels inevitable for them to fall for each other.
How do you start off a story? It seems difficult for me lately. Like I have what I want in mind but making it into something comprehensible takes much longer than expected. Follow me on this journey as I talk about bits and pieces of my life to the show on the left that I fell in love with.
What is great about starting something new is the whole adventure of it. Learning the tendencies and behavior of the characters involved and what makes them unique. How will the plot connect all of these characters together? Which characters will we end up hating and which ones will deserve our love?
I often question the characters of shows that I watch. I understand they play a role and that has a purpose but if they were actually a real person. How would I actually conduct myself with them? Will our viewpoints and perspectives mold together or will there be opposition instead?
It makes me reflect on myself and what I’ve done. Things that are important to me but may not be important to others. And that is perfectly fine, I would like to be agreeable but if everyone always agrees on the same thing, it becomes bland and boring. I may not understand where someone’s thought process is coming from but I won’t discard it as unimportant nor will I place those ideas above my own. I recognized everyone’s uniqueness. So, if an adult still sleeps with a Charmander plushie in their early 20s, just let them be, that plushie probably means something important to them. I understand why Oh Mi Joo has a special affinity for fake guns, everyone’s values are different
Episode 2: 71 minutes
“Why do we fall? So we learn how to pick ourselves up.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyeom gets revenge for his friend Kim Woo Sik by getting into a fight. Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom bond over a business dinner. As our protagonists get to know each other a little better, we learn that our hero may not be as dispassionate or aloof as he first seemed. When some upsetting truths are revealed, Ki Seon Gyeom tries his best to serve his version of justice, but will the justice system play fair?
And because everyone’s values are different, everyone endures different hardships and pains in their life. It would be nice if we could progress through life without worries and stress. But then we would never learn the lessons that we need to survive and grow. For the first time, I got rejected by a volleyball team in the Fall of 2017. I could’ve been depressed and felt sad for myself. I didn’t have time to do that, if I had time to wallow in sadness then I had time to get better. I embraced the friction and frustration and got back to work because that grew the flame of my desire. The younger me didn’t allow time to rest when I fell. The first aid kit wouldn’t fix anything that I dealt with.
In high school, I worked so hard to become good at volleyball. Especially, during my younger years when I first began playing. I knew I didn’t have talent compared to some of my peers on my volleyball team in high school. But I knew that my work ethic far exceeded theirs. I would show up an hour before practice and grind even before practice officially started. If someone practiced for one hour, I had to work another hour or two after them just to make sure that I wasn’t getting left behind. I’ve been left behind too many times in my life and that creates an insecurity that doesn’t allow me to rest mentally.
Episode 3: 71 minutes
“Don’t do it if you don’t want to. You don’t have to always overcome everything. So, if you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. You can rest on the weekends.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyeom takes fate into his own hands and does something drastic. Oh Mi Joo contemplates how she can best support Ki Seon Gyeom and do her job well at the same time. Ki Seon Gyeom and Oh Mi Joo get closer as work and life (and mutual interest) pull them together. Important insight into Ki Seon Gyeom and his family life goes a long way in shedding light on the man he became, and the decision that might derail his career.
That is until I was taught the importance of rest. How much that plays a role in our overall well-being. Mr. “No Days Off” learned that the weekends are valuable. As a child, bumps, and bruises didn’t damage us as much because we healed quickly. But you learn soon that our bodies can only take so much stress until it begins to break. My two patella tendonitis, shin splints, strained hip flexor, and other injuries are proof of overworking.
When I first strained my hip back in 2016, it made me hate my body. I knew my body was hurting, the weakness in my ankles when I would walk up a flight of steps, the way how my knees would buckle slightly when I walked. The right side of my hip gave out on me after I went up for a block and I landed and turned too quickly. All eyes were on me while I knelt on the ground showing weakness, I felt as if I let everyone down. It made me wish I was born with a body that could keep up with my drive and ambition.
That is what I would have let my past self think. But I know now that my body did the very best it could. I was a spoiled brat, overworking myself and still expecting the best results with the risk of injury. I was naive in that way of thinking. Those days of recovering from the strained hip were one of the calmest times I had to assess myself and my passion for volleyball. “Can I keep going? How much do I really want this? Will I be happy in the end?” Those are questions I asked myself in my recovery stage.
Episode 4: 70 minutes
“You’re so strange. You worry about everyone else but yourself. Do you know what you seem like to me? A person who’s used to being hurt.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Seo Dan Ah cleans up Ki Seon Gyeom’s mess by talking to Kim Woo Sik. Ki Seon Gyeom leaves Jeju Island and confronts Oh Mi Joo. To run or not to run? Ki Seon Gyeom puts his career on the line as he answers this question, and though the repercussions may be harsh, he’s more than ready to face the aftermath. Meanwhile, Oh Mi Joo works hard not only to ensure his bold words won’t get lost in translation but that his unrelenting ethics won’t harm him in the process.
I wanted to be a source of strength to someone, to anyone. Maybe that stems from me being a people pleaser. So, if I were to be hurt in the process of someone being happy in an ethical way. I was fine with it. I understood the difference between that and bullying. I know that different way too well. As someone who has had bullying experiences in three of my six years of elementary education, it makes me extremely angry to see bullying go unpunished.
It’s better to be hurt than to hurt others. Nice people can be happy with just that. Those are thoughts I’ve had since I was little. It just becomes “normal,” being hurt but really there is nothing normal about it. But what could I do about it growing up? I could run away, but what would that really fix? I just learned to adjust my expectations of other people’s actions and words. It’s safer that way, to minimize the pain from others. It helped, I didn’t care to know who this tooth fairy was and I didn’t need to know who this person named Santa was. Because I knew the reindeer wouldn’t have to visit my house. “If you think there is someone better for you to go live at then call them and go live with them!” Those words my father said to me when I was younger really hurt me badly. At that moment, I knew I would never have a home anymore living under the same roof as this person that was my “father.”
I didn’t include this quote from the show because I only had one per episode but Oh Mi Joo said in episode three “A home is where you come back to. If you don’t have one, why not get something that is similar instead? That is what I did. A place I can come back to.” When I first heard that, it felt as if she was an older sibling talking and giving me advice on what I should do. I’ve already been doing that since my sophomore year of college, but I feel like if this show had come out during my high school years, I don’t know if it would have had the same impact on me.
Episode 5: 69 minutes
“You are considerate to everyone around you. Did you not think that kind boy would feel the same way? No one is born able to endure pain from the start. So do not try to seem okay if that is what you are doing.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: We finally get to have quality time with our second leads! It only took five episodes… Lee Yeong Hwa tries to compensate for Seo Dan Ah’s broken bracelet by agreeing to paint for her. Oh Mji Joo translates Kim Woo Sik’s interview online to clear Ki Seon Gyeom’s name. Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom face some hard truths about each other, but will that be enough to counter the magnetic pull that keeps bringing them into each other’s orbit? As Ki Seon Gyeom tries to adjust to life after retirement, Oh Mi Joo needs to decide if her very strong feelings for him can outweigh her fears about having someone like him in her life.
Weird how being hurt can become normal for some people. I say that with experience of being that person used to being hurt. I understand the pain and treatment I endured are unfair and unjust. Maybe it is fear of retaliation if I had my back. Maybe it is fear of appearing weak to ask for help. Maybe it is because asking for help is not normalized within Asian cultures. Or do I just seem like a crazy person? Thinking back to what I used to feel, it scares me that I normalized for myself that being hurt was okay. I see myself in so many ways with Ki Seon Gyeom, he kept enduring abuse from his father, and yet he wouldn’t stand to see others being hurt. So, when he stood up for Kim Woo Sik getting bullied, I wanted Ki Seon Gyeom to do that for himself against his abusive father too.
Seeing Ki Seon Gyeom’s behavior thus far in the show, it was the first time in my life that I saw another character has much of the same trauma I’ve endured with the same mannerisms. He was resilient, well, him and the three other leads. They all had resiliency around them, excelling in their areas in very unlikely situations.
Resilient is a word I often get told to me when I’ve shared my story and traumas. I wouldn’t want someone to be resilient if they had to endure the pain I’ve gone through. It’s like telling someone who lost a game “You lost but that was a great game.” Sure, they did great. But the end result doesn’t change. They still lost. Those words still drive me crazy (internally) whenever I walk off the court after a loss. The results are what they are, but even if the results are not in my favor, was the journey at least worth it with all of the lessons and experiences it came with? I’m still debating on that thought for myself. I’ve always loved the journey more than the result, but some journeys have taken me more than expected.
Episode 6: 71 minutes
“Of all the things I’ve loved. Why have I not loved myself?” – Ki Seon Gyeom
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyoem joins the unemployment force. In the face of this major life change, Ki Seon Gyeom finally has space to breathe and think about how he’s been living his life so far. An opportunity also springs up for him to spend more time with Oh Mi Joo, which leads to them slowly learning each other’s ways. Seo Dan Ah convinces Lee Yeong Hwa to submit his painting to her famous gallery.
On those journeys, we meet new people. People come into our lives for a reason. There must have been a reason why we ran into each other. Weirdly enough, getting into my first-ever relationship did that for me. It taught me how to love myself. It showed me what love is. How much it can hurt and heal us at the same time. How fragile and delicate it can be. It is bittersweet that some of the happiest moments I’ve endured are also some of the ones that have hurt me the most. Saying goodbye to my biological mother after spending a month with her was one of the most difficult moments of my life. How do you say goodbye to someone who was supposed to be part of your life? To someone that should have been there all of my life?
I’ve loved myself from time to time growing up but I rarely made myself a priority. I pushed myself to do better in the aspects of my life that I deemed important but in that process, I ended up being alienated by my Hmong classmates in my graduating class. Whether that is taking more difficult courses or putting in the extra time to make things work. So, even if I was alienated, at least I was somewhat happy. I thought loving yourself was this whole complex thing but it’s actually quite simple. Just gotta love where I am right now in my life, what I am doing, and how I am doing it. I think those are the essentials of being able to love yourself. Even if I have to learn it late, at least I can continue to work on it. It’s like putting together a puzzle, each piece is something new about loving yourself.
Episode 7: 70 minutes
“Why are you outside if you have nowhere to go?” “Because I think it’s time to leave. I wanted to practice.” – Ki Seon Gyeom and Lee Yeong Hwa
Episode Preview/Summary: Oh Mi Joo gets angry at Ki Seon Gyeom when he fails to return home one day from a night out drinking with Lee Yeong Hwa. Ki Seon Gyeom and Oh Mi Joo’s wires are crossed and are now hitting an unexpected snag in their developing relationship. Although it’s clear to anyone how much they care about each other, they’ll need to figure out how to communicate effectively if there’s hope for them to have the kind of rapport they deserve. Lee Yeong Hwa continues to nag Seo Dan Ah for her to visit him.
Usually, I like to plan ahead for what I’m going to do. If it’s something I’m already planning on doing, I try to practice if it is possible. Even if it is something uncomfortable like distancing myself from someone or preparing for a confrontation. But even though we plan ahead for things, the plan doesn’t always work how we want. So instead we resort to being stubborn toward the goal but be flexible on the plan. Which, now that I think about it, sounds like trying to get to the prize on a treasure map.
I didn’t plan to be in my sixth year of college, but here I am. It feels weird seeing my students graduate before me. I’m proud of them for completing their college journey, and I’ll be joining them soon. I was working to fit the expectations and hopes of someone else’s timeline when the most important timeline I should’ve prioritized was my own. I didn’t learn that until my senior year of college.
Dropping out has been on my mind this past year though. I’m so close to completing my degree and yet I feel this sheer weight burnt just shackling me down. I’ve never been one to believe in burnout but I’ve experienced it since the start of my fifth year and it has gotten worse over time. Now, I’m just trying to do my best to make it to the finish line. “If it is hard, you can stop at any time. No one will blame you.” I’ve been told those words before and when I watched Run On, I contemplated whether I should stop or keep running.
Episode 8: 69 minutes
“You feel safe only when you’re part of a group as a kid and as an adult, you live in fear of being ostracized.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: A work opportunity takes Oh Mi Joo out of the city, and the brief time Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom spend apart serves to bring them closer together. Lee Yeong Hwa clears up the misunderstanding between him and Ki Seon Gyeom’s night out to Oh Mi Joo. Seo Dan Ah’s protective walls against Lee Yeong Hwa begin to crumble.
I’ve been told that I have a resting bitch face, which I totally agree that I have. Mixing that in with my baby face creates a weird mixture. I look like a cute boy who doesn’t seem approachable because I just look like I’m miserable. I used to feel insecure about that but now I just embrace it. If someone is going to interact with me, I want them to approach me because of who I am and not what my outside perception is.
People are going to have their perceptions of me and who I am no matter where I go in life. I used to care so much about my reputation, but I stopped worrying about it. I care more about what my character is rather than what they think my reputation is. My character is who I am as opposed to my reputation is how people view me.
I think most people want to be understood and have their thoughts and feelings validated. With everyone being unique and different, we conform in ways to fit in with our environment or upbringing just to be “accepted.” I think people just have to decide for themselves if fitting in at the cost of their individuality is worth more than being independent but retaining their genuine selves. And in the end, was it worth it?
Episode 9: 71 minutes
“Once you see the credits, you’ll realize why you put up with so much. Names of others who were in the same boat will show up as well. You’ll know how exhausting and strenuous it was.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom make some progress with their reconciliation and work hard to get on the same page with each other. As soon as they take one step forward, it seems they always take two steps back. This episode is big on lessons about the power of a single word, and how difficult communication can be, especially when emotions are raw. A big case of intent versus impact. Lee Yeong Hwa becomes impulsive during an argument with Seo Dan Ah and her real nature comes out.
Just like at the end of each semester. It feels short, it is only 16 weeks but in the end, after all of the trials and tribulations, there is just a big sigh of relief that overcomes everyone it seems. You blink once or twice and boom, the beginning of the semester flew by and you’re already in a dead week swamped with assignments, papers, projects, and exams to complete.
It makes me think about the times I’ve said goodbye to good friends. On the night before graduation in my sophomore year and junior year of school, after I turned out the light and went to lie on my bed, I couldn’t sleep. I stayed awake thinking, “Wow… After graduation tomorrow, they’ll be gone. I probably will never see some of them ever again.” They gave me so much joy in my life and the thought of continuing high school without them and their enthusiasm was disheartening to the point where I wept. I was selfish in wanting them to stay, which I don’t have an entitled right to but I felt like with my friends who were seniors and juniors leaving, my journey itself seemed mysteriously lost some of its meaning.
I wonder if graduation from college will feel like that. A college education is important and I’ve been grateful for all the knowledge I’ve learned. I just hope that the end credits of graduation will give me fulfillment. Would it be a waste if I somehow didn’t experience those feelings at the end? I wonder if older people who went through this strenuous journey also had these questions too when they were close to being done.
Episode 10: 71 minutes
“Why are you saying that here? Try it first. If it doesn’t work, you can give up then.” Ki Seon Gyeom
Episode Preview/Summary: Spoilers! Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom are officially together! It only took ten episodes… One couple is doing great and the other one is in shambles. Confessing is never easy, whether it is in relationships or careers, but the main four quartets learn how to muster up the courage to admit their innermost thoughts and fears. Emotions rise as they struggle to understand each other’s feelings, but learning to communicate is necessary if they want to move forward together. Looking to figure out what went wrong, Seo Dan Ah seeks out help from Oh Mi Joo. Lee Yeong Hwa turns to Ki Seon Gyeom to help with paying rent for the next month.
I feel like trying out something first and seeing if we’ll like it very much is brave for people. I’m part of that too. I like new experiences but the thought of the worst-case scenario in the end result of me not liking something scares me as well. But it’s such a good feeling to actually like something after trying it. Or if the end result is not good, hopefully, at least the process of getting there will be good and enjoyable.
The thought and action of starting something but not knowing if it will succeed are daunting. I think some people are too quick to give up without trying first. There’s nothing too bad about trying, maybe just the time (and if there is money involved) that someone won’t get back. But it’ll either “work or not work,” or in some cases, it is either a “yes or no.” And if we’re lucky, it could be a “maybe.” Study abroad in Seoul, South Korea. I felt like that was one of the biggest challenges I endured in college, I legitimately didn’t know if I was going to succeed. The only thing I had was my determination.
Studying abroad in Seoul, South Korea at Yonsei University was surreal in that I couldn’t believe I was actually there living away from home and in a foreign country. It was my goal to study abroad ever since I entered college, that was something I wanted to do as part of my college career. I had friends and people who also wanted to study abroad too but they never followed through with those words. I feel like the difference that separated me from my friends who also had that aspiration is conviction. I didn’t have more wealth or resources compared to my friends and people who were better off. But I had the drive and determination to seek out the things I needed to obtain my dream. I think that is a life component that separates others, seeing if they have the conviction to follow through on their words and actions.
Episode 11: 70 minutes
“I was aware of what I did and didn’t need. If I never had it, I wasn’t greedy. If I still wanted it, I got something similar, even if it was fake. ” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyeom becomes Kim Woo Sik’s personal agent and trainer. Ki Seon Gyeom and Oh Mi Joo are exploring their new relationship with all the joy and freedom of two young semi-employed folks. Things aren’t going so smoothly for the second lead, though, as Lee Yeong Hwa tries to keep his distance, and Seo Dan Ah begins to understand why she admires Lee Yeong Hwa.
I say that with full belief in it, but at times, my belief has been challenged and made me reevaluate. Even with my conviction, effort, hope, faith, and support. I will still fall, crash, stumble, cry, and make mistakes because I am clumsy and still have many things to learn. I’ve learned that we can only travel for so long until we need someone to lean on. We’re not supposed to know everything in life.
The feeling of being content. It’s a very frustrating feeling for me personally. On the one hand, you’re happy with where you are in life. Which is great, no extra stress or lingering regrets. But I also have this other perspective about content. If I’m content, does that mean I don’t want to seek improvement anymore? Content means being comfortable. And being comfortable means I start to let my guard down.
I think it’s because I’ve been living in a constant fight or flight state that it is difficult for me to just let things be and finally let my guard down. I still have so much to learn and improve upon, I shouldn’t allow myself to feel content. I feel like if I become content that would become a weakness. But then, when will I ever let myself decide that what I’ve done is enough?
Episode 12: 69 minutes
“Only I can make myself feel better because they are my feelings. How can I make you go through that? That’s abuse.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Spoiler! The second leads finally are official too! It only took twelve episodes… Seo Dan Ah finally gives in to what she really wants but the most difficult thing is whether she’s willing to let herself have it. Lee Yeong Hwa is just overjoyed about this whole situation. The roles are switched, the second leads are now happy but Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom hit the first hurdle in their relationship, will their relationship survive this?
It’s amazing to see what having a healthy mindset can do for a person. When I don’t overthink and just live life and have confidence in myself and my actions. It makes me feel as if I’m on a runner’s high and I can achieve most things I want.
One weakness I had to work on a lot in high school is belief in myself. Funny how sometimes we let other people’s words and opinions dictate how we feel and view ourselves. When the only person who knows you the best is well, yourself. With that said, I think having things in moderation is the best. Listening to ourselves is great as we know how we feel best but the words from someone important give good insight and perspective too in handling life decisions.
Episode 13: 70 minutes
“I sometimes feel like I do not deserve him. When I am with him, I sometimes end up being faced with my flaws. And I lose focus on my work. Love is great but I never want to lose focus on my work no matter what happens. It is kind of like losing myself.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Ki Seon Gyeom and Oh Mi Joo decide to take a break from each other but they miss each other dearly. The problems between them aren’t so easily solved, and life still makes demands when you keep moving forward, even while being hurt. Seo Dan Ah and Lee Yeong Hwa are full of sunshine and laughter as they navigate their brand-new relationship. A birthday party became filled with more surprises than anticipated.
One of those things that I received the best advice for is finding the work that we’re most passionate about. The sense of fulfillment and calmness when a person finds their “purpose” or “spark” that feeling is so precious. No explanations or great debates are needed. Just a sense of comfort knowing this is where you are supposed to be and this is what you’re meant to do. I think it also comes down to loving yourself and defining what that means to you individually.
Episode 14: 71 minutes
“Who do you think will end up living with me forever? No, it’s me. Myself. And in your case, it is you. So, you need to take good care of yourself and fix yourself whenever something breaks.” – Oh Mi Joo
Episode Preview/Summary: Oh Mi Joo gets the perfect script to help her muddle through what life throws at her. Ki Seon Gyeom struggles to keep his father out of his work. Seo Dan Ah struggles with accumulating stress that not even a sweet seaside date in Lee Yeong Hwa’s hometown can soothe.
It is an easy concept to understand, and yet some people don’t figure it out until later in life. The most time we’ll spend in life is with ourselves, so it’s better to find ways to love who we are. It will make life a bit more bearable. The waves won’t wash us away, the earthquakes won’t tear us down, and the winds won’t hinder us. I’m less harsh on myself now when I make mistakes. If I were to use the words I say to myself when I make mistakes with my friends, I would probably never have friends ever again. If I know that to be true then I shouldn’t use those words on myself too. Treating myself better now, that’s the bottom line.
Episode 15: 65 minutes
“You can stay where you are. I’m going to keep some distance so that I can always see you. If I’m too far, I can’t see you. If I’m too close, you’ll block my field of vision.” – Lee Yeong Hwa
Episode Preview/Summary: Love is in the air, but a dark cloud lingers above the main quartet, it seems like family problems are rearing their ugly heads. The leads have learned to stop running away and instead step toward what they want. Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom help out Ki Seon Gyeom’s older sister Ki Eun Bi. Seo Dan Ah let go of Lee Yeong Hwa.
In treating myself better, it is necessary for me to not get tunnel vision in life. It’s fun to want something difficult to obtain, it makes life more enjoyable. Life wouldn’t be fun if everything was easy to obtain and effortless. So even if the treasure map and the puzzle take longer to complete, I know it will be worth it in the end. Because I made it into something important to me.
Episode 16: 70 minutes
“They say we all have a jewelry box we want to keep to ourselves. What’s in it doesn’t always have to be jewelry though. It can be sea glass you found at the beach, a shell, or it can be a button from someone’s school uniform. Anything that can be a memory. Something that serves as a sparkling memory that I keep in a jewelry box only I can open. It’s a way of saving the precious moment you might never get to experience again.” – Bartender
Episode Preview/Summary: The end has arrived, and Run On decides what a happy ending looks like for the two couples and all of their friends and family. Oh Mi Joo and Ki Seon Gyeom now speak the same language. Seo Dan Ah and Lee Yeong Hwa agree on the status of their relationship and both achieve their goals.
I understand that everybody has a different type of struggle that they must go through and that’s reasonable. I too, like many others, believe that their own struggle was unique and different. It is the people and lessons through those experiences that make those hardships worth it. We find who we can trust, and who cares about us, and we learn from it. Coming to college has done that for me. As much as I love the things I’ve learned, it is the people that I have met that both made my experience great and at times, horrible. I’m happy to say that my jewelry box is filled to the brim, it’s like an extra-large suitcase just overflowing. I think one big idea I came away with after watching Run On is that even after all the hardships and trials they have endured, they keep on running.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
My fifth and final performance for Hmong Legacy. I had originally wanted to go with a piece that encapsulated my time and experience in Hmong Legacy. But that was not what I learned in Hmong Legacy. In Hmong Legacy, we continue to push ourselves and confront some of our deepest fears and traumas. So, with that, I wrote a whole new piece the night before the performance.
I thought I had finished writing about the topic of family as I wrote about my mom, my stepmom, and my mot grandma. There are two topics I’ve avoided writing about for the longest time because they are the two that caused me the most damage and pain. They are my older brother and my father. So, for my last piece, I decided to write about my older brother.
Hmong Legacy has been such an amazing experience throughout my undergraduate career. It allowed me to have a space where I can go to and just be Hmong. Somewhere I didn’t feel like I was fighting to just simply exist on campus. I truly hope Hmong Legacy will continue because it does wonders for our Hmong community at Chico State. Thank you to Raquel Lee and the Cross-Cultural Leadership Center for keeping Hmong Legacy going.
7 minutes and 30 seconds
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
My fourth performance for Hmong Legacy’s Reading event. It had been a very long time since my last spoken word performance so I was pretty nervous about this one. The background of this piece is talking about the fragile masculinity I’ve witnessed in the Hmong community. I had the opportunity to attend APAHE earlier that year and I listened to a workshop presented by Vince Moua. They talked about the struggles of being a Hmong professional at higher education institutions and having to be one or one of the few AAPI individuals fighting for our Hmong youths.
I sent this email to Vince after the conference because of how impactful his workshop was to me. “Thank you again for such a strong and powerful workshop you presented here at APAHE. I feel so privileged and honored to have attended and gotten to meet you and hear about your story. I resonated so much with many of the things you mentioned, especially the part about going to higher education and getting that exposure and then going back home and people who you used to go to school with, your own community, outcasts you. I hear you, and I see you and the pain that comes with that experience because I have gone through that too.”
On the right side here, you’ll see a few of Vince’s slides that I was able to capture.
The other media that I incorporated into this piece was from Joyner Lucas’ song called Things I’ve Seen. It is such a powerful song and raw in how he points to the struggles that Black women face and encounter. I wanted to incorporate that and switch to something that is more geared toward Hmong women. Also, I apologize for my usage of Hmong, I got too emotional during my piece and I was not able to correctly pronounce some of the Hmong words I had written down.
We even had a reporter from our university’s independent news source in attendance to capture the thoughts and feelings of the performers. You can read it here! Am I Hmong enough? Students search for identity in diaspora. Thank you Melvin Bui for coming out and reporting on this! Also, special thanks to Selena and the Cross-Cultural Leadership Center for keeping Hmong Legacy alive!
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
IMPORTANT: Skip the video to 40:19 because that is when I begin my performance. My second performance in Hmong Legacy. Compared to my first performance, I was more confident and strong with my piece and the components within my piece; the message and intent. “Represent Represent” will always have a special place in my heart as it was the piece that made me discover my love for performing spoken word. I learned so much during Fall 2018 and this piece really shows my growth not only in me but the growth that I continue to seek in the future as well.
Represent Represent was made during a time that I felt resembled where I was in my life. I incorporated media that I consumed at the time into my pieces whenever I write them. So, if something feels familiar, it probably is. I can’t fully 100% claim that this is original but it is still something I want to share because this piece was everything to me when I first made it.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
My first-ever performance in Hmong Legacy. I was so nervous and I just fumbled my words throughout this performance but little did I know that Hmong Legacy was going to have such a strong and impactful influence on my life not only in finding my identity as a Hmong – American male but also as a creative writer.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last uploaded new works on my WordPress. Fall 2021 semester has been very difficult for me so I haven’t had too much time to edit or even write creatively. But I remember that I had some works stashed away in my vault so I decided to upload these while I try to complete my other side projects. I hope you all are doing well and enjoy!
2 Minutes Read
If God Was Listening To Me, he would know that I want to one day win the lottery. Sounds greedy, right? But If God Was Listening To Me, she would know that I would donate a quarter of those winnings to various civil rights organizations. If God Was Listening To Me, he would know how much it hurts for me to believe in the good within this country that hates me for being here. Why do you create these people with evil intentions of hurting the elders in my community? Or are these just the bad apples you decide to create from time to time as a form of entertainment for yourself? If God Was Listening To Me, she would know I despise everything about her for being the cause of wars, death, justification for expansion… Did you enjoy painting Jerusalem with tears and blood? Would you have spared the Natives and let them keep their land if they believed in you first? If God Was Listening To Me, he would know that I think of him as nothing. For I’ve been told by your followers that I cannot obtain X, Y, or Z without converting and putting faith in you. But you see, I have gotten this far without ever putting faith in you. So, why should I start now? And, if you created us? Who created you? And, the one after that? I would love to know. And yet, If God Was Listening To Me, they would know that I am thankful for him, as they have provided an “out” with a strong foundation for someone important in my life. They are happier now, even if I myself can’t understand why, I know you had something to do with it. I thank you for that, even if I don’t want to admit it.
maybe you do hear but I doubt it, maybe once listen to me, please?
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last uploaded new works on my WordPress. Fall 2021 semester has been very difficult for me so I haven’t had too much time to edit or even write creatively. But I remember that I had some works stashed away in my vault so I decided to upload these while I try to complete my other side projects. I hope you all are doing well and enjoy!
2 Minutes Read
How did you survive here?
I mean, you’re still alive in this town so something must’ve worked. You’re staying for education but besides that, what else are you staying here for? What else are you waiting for?
20th street park is dead silent now. No more false fire alarms going off in Chapman Elementary. No more music of mischievous Hmong kids running around the playgrounds. The rooted trees disappear like people.
How many students from your elementary class graduated with you from Chico High? How many of you are deceased or jailed? How many are you actually went to college? Do you see how you’ve all changed?
Do you hate me? Surely you must… for I’ve blessed you and yet, I’ve taken so much from you. I’ve housed you, raised you, and forsaken you. The tiny little cub who wasn’t supposed to survive did.
I saw you lose your first kiss on White Avenue. I saw you simping to your crush during Junior prom on Patrick Ranch. I saw you cry yourself to sleep at night on Colorado, Midway, Virginia, and Guill street.
Hate me, resent me, curse me to hell, and hope I burn with everything you have. Have it so that when you hear my name and violent voice. You will shake and quiver with fear like on November 20th in 2015.
So when the time comes to leave me. It’ll feel natural and healing. To finally sigh with relief that you’ve defeated your demons. Even as the tears of joy and sadness you held in for so long escape you. Because I am the town that raised you, my me nyuam ntsuag.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
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