Author’s Note: Hi there! Thank you for checking out Her Name? It is a love story between two people where a person’s aspiration will conflict with the love that they experienced that Summer. The female in the photos is Sana Minatozaki, a girl idol for the K-Pop group Twice. She was the person I had in mind when I wrote this piece. I took inspiration from Korean dramas and animes I was watching at the time and incorporated some of those dialogues into this piece. This was the first ever fanfiction I wrote and I can say that I’m really happy with it. I hope you enjoy reading this!

28 Minutes Read

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The therapist asked me “So why are you here today?” “I’m having trouble expressing my feelings and I don’t know why?” I replied. “Well, tell me about your situation.” said the therapist. “To be honest, it’s something I would not want to remember… but at the same time, I don’t want to forget it too. It was the happiest moment of my life, and it was the saddest moment in my life. Let me start from the beginning then.” I said. I came to stay with my grandma in Osaka over summer break. My parents had left for the U.S. for their anniversary, so I was sent to Osaka. It was nice getting to see my grandma again, I’m really not a fan of big cities. I just thought that it was going to be a “normal” summer break. It was… until I met her. I didn’t even know it then, but I had fallen in love.

I know right? How corny. She couldn’t have felt the same for me, she couldn’t have. I didn’t allow her to have the chance to love me. It was a one-sided love… like it should’ve been. But, that wasn’t the case. One day, a woman walked into my life. We hung out together, played, sang, and even danced together. It was too perfect at first and then I got this feeling like I always had before… She must not become someone important in my life. So, I locked away any feelings I had for her and I pushed her away as much as I could. Still, she came back to me. Maybe I wasn’t mean enough. Maybe I should’ve had more conviction to create the distance between us. My conviction wavered because of her smile. She would give me one smile that would leave me speechless and dumbfounded.

Why is she so forgiving? One day I yelled at her to “GO AWAY!”, I saw her tears start to fall and she ran home. If our lives were different, I would’ve accepted her wholeheartedly… but I know that she’s destined for someone and something bigger and better than me. I went home with tears in my eyes. Grandma saw me crying and she asked me why. I told her what I did and she whooped my ass for being such a bad grandson. Saying “I taught you to be better than that!” She was disappointed that I wasn’t a gentleman in my situation and for hurting such a beautiful girl. My grandmother yelled a lot at me and I felt guilty for what I did. My grandma made some cupcakes for her and forced me to go over to her house and apologize to her.

I say forced, but I was genuinely worried that I might have been too mean. I took the cupcakes with me and I went outside. Slowly, I walked to her house hoping I could amend the sins I committed. Carrying the cupcakes in one hand, I knocked on her door with the other. As I heard the door swing open. It’s as if by the will of God, a huge gust of wind blew by and as if I had a cupcake magnet on my face. All the cupcakes flew straight into my face. So, there I was standing in front of her with the cupcakes I was supposed to give her… all stuck on my face. She laughed as she watched the cupcakes fly to my face.

She invited me inside and she started to wipe my face with water and soap. The atmosphere between us was so awkward. I finally mustered enough courage to tell her that the cupcakes were for her. She laughed more, and she thanked me for trying to cheer her up. I apologized to her and we sat there and talked, for a really long time. The whole time we were talking, I kept asking myself “Why? Why is she still talking to me? I was so mean and such a terrible person to her.” From our conversation, I realized that she was too forgiving. She has a heart of gold and sees the light in everything. I decided that I wouldn’t be able to make her distance herself from me or myself from her.

I gave up on being the mean person, and I vowed to make amends for the sins I committed. After our weird period of being friends and not being friends in May, mainly due to me. We began to be real friends at the start of June. She asked me why I tried to distance myself from her. I told her about my life, my misfortunes, and what I believed in; How I believed that she was destined for something greater. And again, she smiled and thanked me for my explanation. She thanked me for saying that she was destined for something greater. The days in June are very long, due to June 21st being the summer solstice. Also known as the longest day of the year. The days leading up to June 20th were terrific. The day of my birthday.

On June 19th, she surprised me when I walked her home during the night. We got to the door to her house and she told me to close my eyes. I asked her “Why do I have to close my eyes?” She just gave me one of those looks and I gave up resisting and I closed my eyes.

“You’re not doing anything weird right?” I said with caution. She laughed and told me “No” sarcastically. About two minutes have passed and she tells me to open my eyes. I heard her say “Happy Birthday!” And next thing I knew I felt something creamy and mushy slammed into my face. “No…! Nt agn…” I couldn’t finish my sentence before the cake entered my face.

Even with a face full of cake, there was one thing I focused on. All I can hear is her laughter. It’s such a sweet and innocent laugh, that once you hear it. It feels as if it can cure people’s illnesses and diseases. That’s how angelic her laugh was. We took ten to twenty minutes to clean up the mess and clean me up. How ironic that I got caked again in the same exact spot where I tried to cheer her up.

We laughed about it and she took out a cupcake from her fridge and she stuck a candle at the top of it. She carefully lit the candle and told me to “Make a wish.” I closed my eyes and I made a wish. I blew out the candle and thanked her. “So, what did you wish for,?” She asked me. I smiled saying “It won’t come true if I share what it was.” “Who knows, maybe I can help you make it become true.” She said back. I summoned courage and I hesitantly told her. “I wished that you would be my girlfriend for one day.” What I said made her flustered and blushed.

Those few seconds after I uttered those words felt like an eternity. I was surprised by how quickly she made up her mind. She gave me a thumbs up and told me that “Tomorrow for your birthday, I’ll be your girlfriend for one day. We can go on a date, do couple-like things, and call each other boyfriend and girlfriend.” We laughed once she said that. It sounds so cringy to be calling each other that. We said goodnight to each other and I left her house and went to sleep thinking about all the things we’ll do tomorrow.

You know that feeling when you’re so excited about something that it makes you unable to sleep? Like the night before school starts again. Or when you have a big event you’re going to? I tossed and turned the whole night. Morning could not have come any slower. I couldn’t sleep the whole night, so I got up and began to plan what we were going to do for our day together. After preparing all night, I somehow fainted from exhaustion and slept till 7:00 AM. I woke up, showered, and went over to her house.

Her mother opened the door a bit surprised that I came over so early. I asked her mom if I could help her cook breakfast for her daughter, showing her the bag of ingredients, I had brought with me. She didn’t mind and began to order me to do different tasks. Her father had left already for work. I cooked some seaweed soup for her daughter for breakfast. After cooking breakfast, her mother had to run an errand for one of the neighbors, so she told me to go wake up her daughter.

I bought her breakfast in bed. I quietly entered her room as if it was the library hoping not to wake her up. I was successful in opening her door wide enough to see her sleep in the bed. I guess it really is true, someone looks the most peaceful when they’re sleeping. Due to my clumsiness, I stubbed my toe on the door wall. Unfortunately, that woke her up. She looked at me a bit confused and shocked. Once she recognized it was me she sweetly said “Good morning handsome.” with a smile.

We both burst out laughing due to it being so cringy. “I brought you seaweed soup. Here you go.” I handed the seaweed soup carefully to her. She drank it slowly for the first couple of minutes because the soup was still a bit too hot. Then an idea popped into my head, do something a boyfriend would. I took the seaweed soup from her and I blew on it so it’ll cool down faster. While I blew on the seaweed soup I heard a camera snapshot. I turned and saw she had taken a photo of me.

“I want to capture our day together. I hope that you’re not camera-shy,” she said cheerfully. Once the seaweed soup was cool enough, I fed her carefully. She asked me “What are we doing for today?” I told her that “it’s a surprise.” We finally finished the seaweed soup by 9:00 AM. It shouldn’t have taken that long but we were talking about dreams and birthdays. I washed the dishes while she got ready for our date.

“Hey honey,” I said to her when she came into the kitchen. We didn’t burst out laughing but instead, we smiled and we tried to make it feel less cringy. “We are going morning shopping for clothes,” I said. I knew that she loved to shop a lot and if we go in the morning, the stores wouldn’t be crowded. “Wait, we’re going shopping? With what money?” She asked. I pulled out my wallet from my back pocket and said “Grandma gave me some allowance and my parents sent me some extra money too. Don’t worry about money today. We’ll have enough for everything we’re doing today.” I said as we walked to the nearest mall.

Along the way, we saw other couples holding hands and we made eye contact with each other. It was sudden. It crept up on me without me knowing it; I began freaking out. I felt my body begin to rise in temperature and my heartbeat increased. It was only natural, right? I’ve never had a girlfriend before so I was nervous. I noticed that she was shy about holding hands as well, so I finally manned up after a few minutes of contemplation. I held her hand first. My heart skipped a beat and I began to feel a bit lightheaded. She closed the small gap between us and hugged my whole arm while we walked. I noticed how warm and soft her hand was. “Hey, smile over here.” She said to me. I turned to my right and she had the camera in selfie mode. We smiled for a photo and we continued to the mall.

We arrived at the mall and she began to look for a couple of tees and accessories. I told her that she could shop for clothes and anything else she likes. I’m not much of a shopping person. I enjoy shopping but I’m not crazy about it either. I shop only when necessary. I was filled with joy seeing her be so full of energy doing something she likes. It’s such a rewarding look. Her face every time she finds something cute or something in her fashion taste.

I took the camera from her and I took photos of her the whole time she shopped. One of her classmates saw us and asked her if we were dating. I got red-faced. We agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend for one day but I didn’t want to force her to say yes because we are only dating for one day. She said “Yes, he’s my boyfriend.” without hesitation. I was amazed and grateful for her quick reply. We shopped for about two hours. She was able to get all the clothes she wanted. After we got done shopping and paying for everything, it was 12:00 PM.

We were both hungry from all the shopping, so we went to a nearby restaurant. I chose a restaurant specializing in spicy food because I knew she loved spicy food. To be honest, I can’t handle spicy food very well but it’s not about me. It’s about seeing her smiling and having a great time. We got seated and we ordered boba drinks with our spicy curry. While we waited for our food I asked her if she enjoyed our date so far. She says “Yes.” and thanks me for buying her the clothes and taking her out to eat. Before our food came, she made us take a photo together in our couple’s clothing.

“Hey I have a question I want to ask you,” she asked. “Sure go ahead,” I replied. “If you had to move away from everybody you know and live in a different country because you’re pursuing your dream. Would you still leave everyone you know to pursue your dreams?” She asked me. I was a bit shocked by her question. I thought about it for a few seconds before I gave her my honest answer. “To pursue my dream? But that means leaving everybody I know? I would still do it. Because if I don’t take the opportunity to pursue my dream, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. It’s a very difficult question to answer, it may be a black-and-white answer for some people but you have to consider a lot of different things. I would miss my friends, family, and everyone else that’s important to me. But I would still take that opportunity.” I replied.

“What if you have to leave someone you love?” she suddenly asked. My eyes widen a bit. Why is she asking these questions? “Well, that depends on the person they love. If the person they love supports them and respects their decisions then it’s simple.” I replied. “It’s simple?” she said. “I mean it’s simple for me personally. If I were to make that kind of decision, I would let them go to pursue their dreams. Because who am I to stand in their way?” I said. She was thinking deeply about the words I just said. I asked her “Why are you asking these questions?”

She said that one of her friends is moving away and her friend asked her these questions. She was curious as to how I would respond to the question. We talked a bit about the clothes she got, and our food arrived. She wanted to show me something about her food. She ended up spilling some of the liquid from her plate. I chuckled a bit and I took a photo of her mess before helping her clean up.

She’s so clumsy. Maybe even clumsier than me. But that’s one of her charms. Luckily, none of the curries splashed onto her clothes. I asked the waiter for extra napkins and I helped clean up the spillage. After that little incident, we began eating. As soon as I took that first bite, I knew that it would be very difficult to hide that I disliked spicy food.

I haven’t even swallowed the food yet. Just the contact of the spicy food on my tongue is messing me up. My whole tongue became numb. My forehead began to sweat profusely. She started to notice my facial and body reactions. She asked me if I was okay and I said “Yeah, I’m totally fine while smiling.” Only to cough after swallowing my first bite of curry. She just gave me that look like “Bruh, I know you’re lying.” She took the opportunity to take a photo of me being miserable.

“Thank you for trying to be tough and brave while eating spicy food with me.” She tried to comfort me. She came to my side and patted my back while telling me to drink my boba tea. It was a good thing there was a lot of milk in the boba tea. I was starting to get heat sweats.

“Since you can’t eat spicy food. I’ll just feed you some rice instead. You fed me this morning so let me feed you this time.” she said.

So, there we were. She fed me rice and I fed her the spicy death curry. We ate for an hour, and talked about our favorite foods and why we liked them. After eating, we went to watch a horror movie. By now it’s 1:30 PM. When she said horror movie, I died a bit inside. I’m a coward when it comes to scary or horror films, but I knew that she liked these types of films so I didn’t mind. Plus, what am I afraid of when I have her by my side? This was the perfect opportunity to act tough in front of her… even if I’m scared of scary movies. That was my thought before the film started to play. Once the movie began, I gave up on my plan. Instead, it went something like this.

Not one of my proudest moments in life. Surprisingly we didn’t get kicked out of the theater. The movie took about 2 hours. Yes, I screamed for the first 5 minutes and then I passed out. I woke up again around the middle of the movie. My head was resting on her shoulder. I didn’t move because I didn’t want to disturb her from watching the movie. Toward the end of the movie, she realized I was awake.

I lifted my head and suddenly the scariest scene of the movie popped up with music that made the hairs on my back rise up. I gave one last panic scream. It was 4:00 PM now. We went to a karaoke lounge to sing and dance because she was feeling restless from sitting down for the past 4 hours. We sang and danced until 6:00 PM. We had one last song before we left and she said that she wanted a slow dance song. I took her hand and we danced together slowly enjoying each other’s presence.

I decided to finish our date by spending some time together at a nearby park. We went to a secret spot where no one could find us. It was a remote spot in the park that wasn’t visited frequently. “I hope that you enjoyed our date today, and sorry for being so loud in the theater,” I said to her woefully. “Hey don’t be like, cheer up. It’s totally fine. You sacrificed a lot today by doing the things you dislike for me. I’m really touched.” She responded. That eased my mind more about our day together. We sat down on a nearby bench and watched people walk by.

“Hey Yuuki, there’s been something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time.” She said to me. My heart began to pound. “It’s not what I think it is…?” I said to myself. “I’m leaving Japan soon. I’ve been cast by JYP Entertainment as a trainee to become a Korean pop idol.” She said to me sadly. That was the total opposite of what I was expecting. I was speechless. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but then I remembered. “She was destined for something greater.” The questions she had asked me earlier at the restaurant, this was it. I essentially told her to pursue her dreams and forget about me. I was mad at myself but then I was glad at the same time. If I had to find out like this I don’t know if I will have the strength to say those words I told her earlier at the restaurant.

I disregarded away the negative feeling I initially had about her moving to South Korea. “That’s great. See? I told you that you were destined for something big. When do you leave?” I asked her cheerfully in hopes she wouldn’t notice. “I leave in two days. My parents already knew that’s why they’d been running errands, getting everything prepared for my departure. That’s why I’ve had so much free time to hang out with you.” She replied. “I really enjoyed being your girlfriend today. Thank you so much for everything you did for me today.” She said.

I wasn’t going to be able to hold back the tears. I quickly told her “Can you wait for three minutes? I need to get something really quickly, and I’ll be back. I promise.” I told her. She nodded, and I sprinted for the music shop. I went into an alley by the music shop and I cried silently to myself. I bit my hand to stop myself from crying out loud. The thoughts of not being able to see her anymore flooded my mind. My body felt numb and I was unable to move. I forced myself to move and I entered the music shop. I came back to her and she was still sitting there waiting for me.

I took off the jacket she got for me earlier and gave it to her, so she wouldn’t catch a cold. I could tell that she cried a bit too. Her eyes were watery and her cheeks were reddish. “I wanted to sing a song to you since I don’t know if I’ll ever get a chance to do this again. It’s not only a song for you but it’s also for that future person that you’ll fall in love with” I said. “Is that why you went and bought that guitar?” She asked. I nodded, and I began to sing to her.

“You know what’s funny? The summer solstice is supposed to be the longest day of the year… but the whole day went by a blur. While I was singing, she cried, her hand covering her mouth hoping that she wouldn’t scream because of the sadness. Tears were also coming down my face. I couldn’t continue singing. My emotions overcame me. I fell apart crying. The next thing that happened, shocked the hell out of me. She leaned in towards me and she kissed me… it’s as if the whole world stopped and slowed down to a standstill. Do you know what’s weird? The whole day felt long and it did last long but our kiss, felt like the longest activity we did together that day. I didn’t prepare a going-away present, so I gave her the guitar as a present. She took it and thanked me for the guitar.

I walked her home since it was getting dark. We walked in silence while holding hands. I was cherishing these last few minutes I will ever have with her. We arrived at her house and we said our goodbyes. We agreed to meet up with each other tomorrow at our secret spot. I got home and I slept until it was time to go to our secret spot. I arrived there and I saw that she was already sitting there waiting for me. I sat down with her and we took in the beautiful view that was in front of us. I turned to leave to get us something to eat and drink and I only walked a few steps until I was stopped.

She said to me “I changed my mind, please don’t leave me. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t know what I was thinking that I was able to leave you and everyone behind. Let’s be together forever. I’m afraid that if I leave, I’ll never get to see you again.” I swallowed the words I truly wanted to say “Yes, let’s run away. Let’s go live together where no one can find us.” I wanted to say that but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. I thought she had come to terms with letting me go. I loved that idea… but I was committed to making sure that she wasn’t going to let anything stop her from following her dreams. Even if that meant protecting her from herself. I told her “Whenever or wherever that may be. Let’s meet again after you rocked the stage and lived out your dream. So go, and keep living on with your life. We’ll meet up in the future. I’ll treat you really well then, I’ll love you properly, like a real boyfriend.”

 “Does this girl have a name? You’ve been telling me this story and situation, but you’ve never mentioned her name?” Asked the therapist. Tears began to fall down my face. “That’s the worst part, I don’t remember her name. I got into a car accident one week after she left for South Korea. I remember everything we did together, the times we spent together, the words we exchanged. But, I don’t remember her name. Her parents moved, and Grandma passed away in a car crash. My phone was lost in the crash as well.” I replied. “You came in here today saying that you’re having trouble expressing your feelings. I think that the best way for you to express your feelings is what you would say about your experience with her and what you wish for her in life.” The therapist told me.

“The little time we spent together meant so much to me. It gave a happiness I didn’t think I deserved. I should’ve loved you more during that time. And love you in a way that doesn’t make you cry from my immaturity. You’re going to do amazing and you’re going to positively impact people’s lives.” I replied. I left the therapist’s office and I went home. Once I got inside my house my mother told me that a package arrived for me. The package didn’t have the name of who sent it. I noticed strings when I opened the package. It’s the guitar I gave her. There was a letter fell out from the package, then a camera and a packet of photos. I opened the letter and held it in one hand and held the photos in the other. The camera fell out and played the recorded video. The video and the letter synced up perfectly.

Dear Ommna Ueda,

It feels weird writing a letter to someone you were just with… You’re the worst. Being so mean to me when we first met each other. But I understood why after you told me. You deserved to get caked in the face. You’re so brave, you really are. I realize that for our day together as boyfriend and girlfriend, you planned the whole day to do the things I liked. And I’m really grateful to you for doing that. It goes to show how selfless you really are. The seaweed soup you made for me was delicious, I never knew that you could cook. That’s such boyfriend material, although I wish I could’ve seen you in an apron. My heart skipped a beat when you held my hand. I was a bit shocked but I liked how you took the initiative. The couple tees we wore were so comfy and cute. Sorry for shopping for so long, you must’ve been so tired from carrying all the shopping bags.

I’m sorry for lying to you when I asked you about the questions. I was going to ask you what you would do in that situation but I didn’t have the chance to ask because you already answered it. I hope that you didn’t get a stomachache from eating the spicy curry. You look like you were going to faint after that first bite. I hope that you weren’t too scared of the horror movie. I enjoyed seeing your reactions more than the movie itself. Thank you for encouraging me more when I told you about South Korea. I want you to keep the guitar. So that one day you can sing for me again. Stay safe, be healthy, and try not to push away people from yourself okay?

You’ll always be my babe and I’ll always be your baby… I’m crying right now while writing this letter. I wonder how long I will remain in your heart? Was I someone who can trigger cheerful and happy memories for you? How much will you remember me? I’m glad that it was you who I fell in love with. I hope this letter reaches you. You better keep that promise you made to me. I forgive you for what you did. I hope that you can forgive me. I’m sorry I caked you. I’m sorry for being so selfish. I’m so, so, so sorry. Thank you for everything and goodbye…

Your Girlfriend,

Rainey Azil

The photos were arranged in order of the things we did together from our date. Once I got to a part in the letter I dropped one of the photos to reveal the next scene of our date. I dropped down to my knees and I wept. Once Yuuki saw the name, all his memories became clearer. The video on the camera finished playing the letter and the next video broke Yuuki’s soul. When Sana came in and kissed Yuuki, she dropped the camera, and the record button was pressed when it hit the ground. The angle that the camera landed on was perfect. It captured Yuuki and Sana in their moment together, holding the kissing pose.

Yuuki’s heart began to cause him pain and with all the emotions that were flooding his mind. Yuuki hadn’t fully recovered from the car crash. He passed out with the memory of him and Sana kissing imprinted in his mind. Yuuki lay faced down motionless, he was both happy and sad. “I’m sorry Sana, it looks like I’ll see you in the next life. I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep the promise I made to you. I’ll make sure to make it up to you in the next life. He was happy though, happy that he was able to remember her name. Rainey Azil.

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Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.