After graduating from Chico High School, I got accepted into CSU, Chico. I didn’t realize how quickly my next leadership opportunity would come in my second semester of college. In the Spring semester of my Freshmen year in college, I was fortunate to have been selected by the Asian and Pacific Islander Council at CSU, Chico to attend the Asian-Americans and Pacific Islanders in Higher Education Conference in Oakland, California. To be selected, we had to complete an interview process and submit a form to answer the questionnaires. I was one of the lucky six API (Asian and/or Pacific Islander) students selected to attend. Thank you to the APIC Council for this opportunity.
I was one of the only two male API students from Chico State so we were roommates and I just want to give a huge shoutout to Xeej. He was about to graduate in May that year and I am just so so grateful to had the time and opportunity to pick his brain and talk to him about life. I knew him for a short time but he made such a big impact on my life. Thank you to Shrutti as well, I will forever remember that night in which you, Xeej, and I talked late into the night.
This conference gave me so much confidence and a sense of direction with where I wanted to go and accomplish in my college career. Learning about burning out, how to use kindness and compassion in a leadership role, and most importantly, hearing the best-ever keynote speakers (IMO) in person… there is just too much I learned there to recap everything. This is where I began to embrace my API identity and start to think about how I can positively impact the lives of the people I encounter. Overall, I think the most important things I will remember from this experience are the conversations I had with the attendees there. Talking about what it means to be an Asian-American living in the U.S. and specifically, what it means as a Hmong-American. Talking about what are the best ways we can positively serve our community and impact the younger generation to pursue higher education. And most importantly, how do we advocate not only for ourselves but also for other communities as well?
Group photo of all the Hmong attendees. Hmong Represent!Eating good, the whole weekend. And no, we didn’t have alcoholic drinks. Most of the students weren’t 21 yet.Chico State Reps having fun. If you can’t tell, we’re a fun group.I’m the guy wearing the yellow attire on the right side.Gotta get in a selfie 🙂Xeej and I were in our room on the first night. We both had our own beds, which was sooooo nice.Something I continue to think about even to this day.My original “Represent Represent” piece.Using Hip-Hop pedagogy as a tool to tell our story.Listening to Terisa Siagatonu CHANGED my life. Just search her up on Youtube and watch her video called “Raise Up”, CHILLS!
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I knew I wanted leadership things to be a part of my life so I continued to seek it out whenever I had the time. So, in my junior year of high school, I had the privilege and opportunity to be part of both my high school’s student government course and also be in Sac Street Boys (SSB) which is a four-men quartet group in my Acapella course. I, unfortunately, do not have any photos of me being in student government. To be in Sac Street Boys, male Acapella students must first be part of the Acapella class and audition then at the beginning of the year, male Acapella students can audition to be in SSB. However, there are only four spots available and those are permanent for the duration of the academic year. I’m just blessed to have been part of a hard-working and fun team that was very cohesive in teamwork and vibes.
Overall, These guys always brighten up my day even after a long stressful day or week and it was always a fun time with them. Most of the small groups had only one lunch rehearsal per week but we had two lunch days instead because we wanted to grind and be the best. It meant I couldn’t hang out with my other friends but that didn’t matter too much to me because I knew I was working for something bigger than myself. That was a sacrifice I was comfortable giving up. And the results validated my work ethic and the effort I put into the group. This (my Junior year) and my Sophomore year are both tied for my favorite years in the Acapella choir.
One other thing I learned during this experience was balancing my time because I was involved in so much and doing so much. Acapella choir, Sac Street Boys, Student Government, Classes, an Officer in my Club, and Volleyball, I learned how to manage my time. I prioritized what things were important to me and I began to out the distractions that took away time and activities that didn’t justify my time.
Overall, being in student government didn’t teach me as much as I had hoped but it did provide an opportunity for me to hone my interpersonal and intrapersonal skills. Whether it was interacting with other CHS staff members or delegating tasks and problem-solving, this class didn’t teach me, but it allow me to improve on the skills I already had. And I think that is very important in my development.
Performance at Olive Garden. I remember being so nervous about this because we were singing to a wealthy group of people having their party.We were the hardest and most diverse group to make up SSB ever. Words straight from my Choir teacher, Mrs. Delgardo. Also known as Delweezy! (It’s an inside joke)Last SSB Photo Together. The last time all four of us were together singing and hanging out together as two of the seniors graduated and we juniors still had one more year left.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
The first leadership experience and opportunity that I recognized and personally sought out was in my 8th-grade year at Chico Jr. High School. Many of the accomplishments I’ve completed and the ones I achieved in my 8th-grade year will not have been possible without the guidance of my Leadership teacher, Andy Wahl.
I remember feeling so unprepared and not smart enough for your Leadership class and yet you still encouraged me to join. That was the first time I ever felt imposter syndrome and throughout that academic year, the more I grew and learned, I began to have more confidence in myself and my actions. You took a chance on me… You took a chance on me, a Hmong-American student that just wanted to prove that he too, can make a difference in his community in his small own ways, and for that, I will be forever grateful to you. You do not know how much that meant to me back then, and even now in my present. It was such a privilege to have you as a teacher who pushed me to do better and to challenge myself whenever I didn’t feel ready for a task.
When I was called up for Chico Rotary Club’s Outstanding Citizenship Award, I was so shocked. I couldn’t believe my name was being called. I had no idea I was even considered for this award. The only other person that received this award was a female classmate in my Leadership class. This was the validation I needed at the end of the year for me to truly know that my actions and efforts in my community were seen, heard, and appreciated.
Teamwork, professionalism, work ethic, communication, and so many other skills I was able to develop and use came from my experience in Mr. Wahl’s class. This class served as the foundation for the skills I have developed to this day. I couldn’t have asked for a better Leadership teacher. I personally felt like Mr. Wahl was genuinely someone in my 8th-grade year that believed in me, my work ethic, and my potential in life. I hope that these awards I was able to obtain on 8th-grade awards night made you proud. Thank you, Mr. Wahl, for believing in me and I hope you rest well up there.
Chico Rotary Club Medal. I still have this medal tucked away in my closet.Outstanding Student Government Student – Leadership AwardChico Rotary Club – Outstanding Citizenship AwardWalking up to receive my Leadership award. Mr. Wahl is the one to my right in the Hawaiian shirt.Receiving Chico Rotary Club’s Medal and Award. You can’t tell in this photo but I was shaking nervously walking up and standing there.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last uploaded new works on my WordPress. Fall 2021 semester has been very difficult for me so I haven’t had too much time to edit or even write creatively. But I remember that I had some works stashed away in my vault so I decided to upload these while I try to complete my other side projects. I hope you all are doing well and enjoy!
2 Minutes Read
If God Was Listening To Me, he would know that I want to one day win the lottery. Sounds greedy, right? But If God Was Listening To Me, she would know that I would donate a quarter of those winnings to various civil rights organizations. If God Was Listening To Me, he would know how much it hurts for me to believe in the good within this country that hates me for being here. Why do you create these people with evil intentions of hurting the elders in my community? Or are these just the bad apples you decide to create from time to time as a form of entertainment for yourself? If God Was Listening To Me, she would know I despise everything about her for being the cause of wars, death, justification for expansion… Did you enjoy painting Jerusalem with tears and blood? Would you have spared the Natives and let them keep their land if they believed in you first? If God Was Listening To Me, he would know that I think of him as nothing. For I’ve been told by your followers that I cannot obtain X, Y, or Z without converting and putting faith in you. But you see, I have gotten this far without ever putting faith in you. So, why should I start now? And, if you created us? Who created you? And, the one after that? I would love to know. And yet, If God Was Listening To Me, they would know that I am thankful for him, as they have provided an “out” with a strong foundation for someone important in my life. They are happier now, even if I myself can’t understand why, I know you had something to do with it. I thank you for that, even if I don’t want to admit it.
maybe you do hear but I doubt it, maybe once listen to me, please?
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last uploaded new works on my WordPress. Fall 2021 semester has been very difficult for me so I haven’t had too much time to edit or even write creatively. But I remember that I had some works stashed away in my vault so I decided to upload these while I try to complete my other side projects. I hope you all are doing well and enjoy!
2 Minutes Read
How did you survive here?
I mean, you’re still alive in this town so something must’ve worked. You’re staying for education but besides that, what else are you staying here for? What else are you waiting for?
20th street park is dead silent now. No more false fire alarms going off in Chapman Elementary. No more music of mischievous Hmong kids running around the playgrounds. The rooted trees disappear like people.
How many students from your elementary class graduated with you from Chico High? How many of you are deceased or jailed? How many are you actually went to college? Do you see how you’ve all changed?
Do you hate me? Surely you must… for I’ve blessed you and yet, I’ve taken so much from you. I’ve housed you, raised you, and forsaken you. The tiny little cub who wasn’t supposed to survive did.
I saw you lose your first kiss on White Avenue. I saw you simping to your crush during Junior prom on Patrick Ranch. I saw you cry yourself to sleep at night on Colorado, Midway, Virginia, and Guill street.
Hate me, resent me, curse me to hell, and hope I burn with everything you have. Have it so that when you hear my name and violent voice. You will shake and quiver with fear like on November 20th in 2015.
So when the time comes to leave me. It’ll feel natural and healing. To finally sigh with relief that you’ve defeated your demons. Even as the tears of joy and sadness you held in for so long escape you. Because I am the town that raised you, my me nyuam ntsuag.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last uploaded new works on my WordPress. Fall 2021 semester has been very difficult for me so I haven’t had too much time to edit or even write creatively. But I remember that I had some works stashed away in my vault so I decided to upload these while I try to complete my other side projects. I hope you all are doing well and enjoy!
2 Minutes Read
If you become a strong shield in order to protect others, who will be able to protect you when you begin to shatter? If you become strong and repel your emotions like a robot, how will you ever feel the excitement that only love can expose? Or know the heartbreak of losing someone you care about? If you become strong and do everything by yourself, how will you ever make friends and show that you are trustworthy? If you become a strong workhorse, how will you ever lay those heavy burdens on your shoulders down and learn to relax? If you become too strong, when will you decide that I’m no longer needed in your life? Do you want to know the worst part about being strong? Is that no one asks if you’re “Okay?” Are you eating well? Are you sleeping enough? These questions will not be directed toward you if they are, I know it will be an insult to you than it being a sign of caring. Maybe this is a feeling that parents have to endure as they watch their youngins grow up. When the parents suddenly aren’t needed as much anymore because the kids are “grown-up” now. Naturally, we become strong and leave the nest, and I think back, did I lose them because I became too strong? Or did they lose me because they were too weak? It saddens me that when someone becomes strong, they will both gain and lose things they took for granted.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last uploaded new works on my WordPress. Fall 2021 semester has been very difficult for me so I haven’t had too much time to edit or even write creatively. But I remember that I had some works stashed away in my vault so I decided to upload these while I try to complete my other side projects. I hope you all are doing well and enjoy!
1 Minute Read
Laughter is like the rain. Sometimes it lasts throughout A day. Sometimes it lasts only for a moment, allowing Unique memories for us to remember. Laughing loud like Gongs getting hit or silent laughs escaping your breath. Here, it gives us comfort and makes difficult moments Turn 180 degrees, or down to a lesser degree Everyone needs laughter, just like the Rain
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last uploaded new works on my WordPress. Fall 2021 semester has been very difficult for me so I haven’t had too much time to edit or even write creatively. But I remember that I had some works stashed away in my vault so I decided to upload these while I try to complete my other side projects. I hope you all are doing well and enjoy!
2 Minutes Read
Every time I cook, I remind myself of the life lessons I’ve learned. I wear some of them physically, emotionally, and mentally. Wildly enough, I think about these lessons during the times when I cook. It may be due to the amount of waiting cooking requires. The sounds of chopping echos in my head remind me of my first failed attempt at cooking. The delicate meat was cooked too quickly on the outside, leaving the inside raw and ugly. Just like getting to the end without understanding the journey. The smell of bacon, so fatty and delicious that it makes me weep, I am reminded of the ancient times when I didn’t have to worry about food. A meal cooked by someone who I thought would be around forever. Now, it is a homecooked meal I could never return to. The sight of the blade sharpening in order to be used effectively reminds me of my mind. It is serrated, sharp yet still dull. There is no handle, the blade impales anyone who touches it. The blade consistently cuts, tears, slices, stabs, and separates. The blood and juice stain the blade after every usage, it is washed and purified. Just because the ingredients are expensive doesn’t mean the meal will turn out well. Nothing will if you cook it without care. But the opposite is also true. Even cheap ingredients can be tasty if you cook them with care to bring out their unique qualities. But most importantly, the chef is to blame for the success and failure of the dish.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello everyone! It has been a while since I last uploaded new works on my WordPress. Fall 2021 semester has been very difficult for me so I haven’t had too much time to edit or even write creatively. But I remember that I had some works stashed away in my vault so I decided to upload these while I try to complete my other side projects. If you are reading this on your phone, please turn it sideways to landscape for the correct format! I hope you all are doing well and enjoy!
1 Minute Read
Hello Little Nines, Laughing and smiling as you should Hair flipped and twisted like the cruel world Please understand we did what we could We have taken all the silver except your gold Knowing it will make you bend but never fold I see you, Crawling hesitantly Walking clumsily Running bravely Driving recklessly Flying freely Learning sadly Loving foolishly Settling happily Resting peacefully Away. You continue to journey further and deeper. Take some time to slow down and cry You’ve earned it, just like the knot you will one day tie Your optimism waning like an ember So ephemeral and exhausted, yet it is fighting with all its might We begin these wars that you will eventually fight in What will we say to them, when they all start dying because of our lies? You will become something someday or nothing at all. Being nothing is fine since nothing lasts forever.
Sadly, WordPress has format restrictions on what it can do so the end product on here will look somewhat different from how I intentionally wanted it to be. So if there are some parts that don’t quite look in the right place, I apologize for that.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note:This is a portfolio that I had to submit for my last assignment for my ENGL 420W – Advanced Poetry Writing class at CSU, Chico during my Spring 2021 semester. Below, you will find two poems and one letter to my younger self. For this submission, we had to use a photo or painting that we took/made to represent our title and the works we’ve produced this semester. But WordPress won’t let me publish it without a title so I decided to title it Grateful. Right below this author’s note is a photo of me because that is the photo I chose for my title. If you are reading this on your phone, please turn it sideways to landscape for the correct format! I hope you enjoy these!
8 Minutes Read
Photo Credits Find them on Instagram @pachiavangphotography
Let Me As You
Let me as you talk, sit next to you like kids at a playground whispering secrets we don’t want adults to hear as you make me forget all the Zoom calls from earlier today for your voice is the anthem of love I’ve been searching for. Let me as you walk, thunderclap with joyous pride to see you achieve your goals as your amber light illuminate the darkest caves you venture into for the emerald tunnel you’ve built, is one I will die following. Let me as you weep, let my sturdy shoulders be the soft pillow your head can rest on as the black tears from your light makeup drip down my tan arms carrying the emotions only those who have died inside can express. Let me as you gasp in shock, kneel down on my violet bruised knee like I’ve practiced this all my life as I reveal the diamond ring kept hidden next to our bed this whole time for I’m about to ask one of the scariest questions in my life. Let me as you sleep, put the little angels to bed as it has already been an hour since “30 more minutes please?” as I sing twinkle twinkle little star to them and get lost in their stares for they have eyes that sing the saddest songs with the happiest melodies. Let me as you smile, tell you what you remind me the most about as I explain “You’re like choir to me” for when I sing I can’t be mad, it’s all love and positivity that I can’t resist it. Let me as you fade away, bury you with the daisies you enjoyed the most as I will sit down next to your tombstone and tell you about how much the kids have grown for there are two types of pain in this world. One that shows our weaknesses and one that shows our strengths. I sincerely hope that tomorrow I can experience this wonderful dream again.
A Cry So Bad
Have you ever had a cry so bad, you didn’t know when the tears would stop? A cry where everything inside of you ached feverishly? one where your heart felt as if it would burst out of your chest as if the organs inside your body twisted and turn like wet clothes being wringed as you vomit from your eyes with enough tears to water the Mojave desert and cry loud enough to wake up the dead from 100 years ago. A cry where at the end you’re so exhausted that you drift off to a peaceful sleep on the wet pillow soaked in your grief and pain as you realize no matter how many bottles you empty, the tears will continue to flow deep like the pockets of millionaires and far like the Mekong River, sinking deeper and deeper. A cry where you thought you had “move on” one where you’re reminded of the gaping wound still freshly exposed as your heart knows the lies you told it reassures “you’re in a new” phase now but the the wind reminds you that they have Spring allergies and the smell of coffee reminds you they like a white chocolate mocha with caramel syrup during Winter from Starbucks. A cry where you shed tears for yourself and the journey you undertook. one where you graduated and passed an influential phase of your life as you reflect on the experience you endured, shedding tears for the ones that are six feet under and the ones who never had the opportunity And you shed tears for the ones that gave you so much to remember. Have you ever had a cry so bad, that it healed everything inside of you like a magic potion? I wish you will have that cry one day. one filled with validation of your neglected feelings and sincerity one filled with rallying cheers and bearhugs and especially, one filled with “thank yous and you’re welcome” with the people you’ve impacted and the ones that have impacted you.
Letter to a Poet – Manting Xiong
Dear Manting Xiong,
I read your poems “Let Me As You” and “A Cry So Bad” for my class for our final portfolio project. I want to start off by saying thank you for writing and sharing these pieces of poetry with the world. I’ve actually read all of your previous works and I really enjoyed the pieces you’ve written this semester for Jeanne’s Advanced Poetry course at Chico State. I know your WordPress audience will look forward to you sharing this with your writing collection.
I first want to talk to you about your cover photo. You chose a photo of yourself which I thought was pretty conceited of you but the more I thought about it, it does make sense why you chose that to represent your work for this semester. You kinda just closed your eyes and went with whatever worked for you. That goes for everything this semester, including the work you produced for this course. You pushed yourself to do even more this semester, 5 courses plus 20 hours as a student employee working two jobs and also participating in many side school activities as well. You pushed and pushed until you received a lecture reminding yourself to slow down and take it bit by bit. I think your eyes being closed is a perfect representation of how you’re feeling about this semester, not to mention the whole academic year.
With the less intentional and purposeful direction you set for yourself this semester in this course, I personally felt like your writing didn’t improve that much in this course. I think most importantly, what you took most out of all the materials you read this semester, was to have fun and just be present at the moment when you write. It sounds simple but you know this course was key in you being able to just have fun and relax in a lot of stressful situations. If you didn’t stay focused on just having fun and enjoying the course, I think this semester would have been even more stressful for you. So, I think Jeanne deserves to know how grateful you are to have had her as your professor now for the third time and just have read great works and pieces by new authors you’ve never heard or read before.
As I’ve begun to notice from last semester as well is that you will need to improve on your imagery work. I think it’ll be good to continue to read more poetry from authors with great imagery so you too can channel some good imagery into your pieces as well. Maybe check out that list you made from last year back in the Summer? In general, I think if you just keep up the practice of writing and producing but having a clearer vision of where you want to go and how to get there will greatly improve your writing.
You’re going to turn 23 soon on June 20th, so as a reminder even though you already know this, be diligent. Life and college (both undergrad and grad school) will be difficult so when times are tough, remember to be resilient. I hope you’ll not dwell on the mistakes too much. And if there are punishments that come with it, face it squarely and head-on. It’s like medicine, it’s not supposed to be enjoyable.
Thank you again, and rest up this summer!
Best, One Month Away from 23 Manting Xiong
Sadly, WordPress has format restrictions on what it can do so the end product on here will look somewhat different from how I intentionally wanted it to be. So if there are some parts that don’t quite look in the right place, I apologize for that.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
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