Author’s Note: Hello there. I’m an EOP (Educational Opportunity Program) student at CSU, Chico. As an EOP student, I was given an opportunity to go live in the dorms at CSU, Chico with my other EOP peers in my incoming class for two weeks during the summer. During Summer Bridge we were given the opportunity to write a short letter to our future selves. We would see these letters again after our first year was done. When I got my letter back, my paraprofessional told me many of my fellow classmates cried after reading their letters. I didn’t tear up but I definitely felt emotional with a sense of relief. Like holy shit, I completed my first year of college. Anyways, enjoy!
2 Minutes Read
Dear Future Manting, Hey bro! Look I know how uncertain you feel about attending college. Summer Bridge wasn’t a wake-up call but I know you were a bit intimidated after receiving so much info from Summer Bridge. You’ll have a lot of stuff to do; schoolwork, social life, job, license, etc… I know you’re worried about all of that. BUT! You have done so many amazing things in the past and you’ve persevered through a lot of difficult trials. Believe in yourself, your ability, and don’t give up. You’ve made it this far, time to take it to the next level my friend. I’d hope by the end of freshmen year, you haven’t failed your classes and quit. So, make sure to go to Student Services Center. I know you have the “Do it by yourself mentality” but we both know you will need help along the way. So don’t forget to ask for it. See you after the first year! – Manting Xiong
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello. Wow, where to even begin on this mess… Hmm… So, obviously from the title this is a time capsule from jr. high eighth grade Manting to high school senior Manting. When I entered high school, I anticipated this time capsule for the longest time. As I got older, I began to not think about this so much. And as if it was waiting for me, in the second semester of my senior year. It arrived. I vividly remember some of the answers I wrote but not all of them. And oh my god. My grammar was so horrible. It’s gotten better now, but my god it was so eye-opening rereading it. Not to mention even my handwriting was atrocious. We were assigned to write and finish this in my English class. Thus, some of my written answers weren’t as considerate or thoughtful as I would’ve liked them to be. My English teacher (Mrs. Price) was great, I just didn’t learn well. No way could she have saved my horrible handwriting or my grammar mistakes.
Expect a lot of profanity. I forgot how much profanity I used during my jr. high days. I swear I was mature during jr. high too. It just won’t be shown in this time capsule. I do apologize beforehand for that. In the sense of authenticity, I didn’t fix grammar errors or make sentences more complete. I wrote most things word for word… But I did change some things that were too horrible to ignore. Overall, this isn’t censored so some things are going to be bad… ish…
I’m going to reanswer the time capsule questions again at the very end of this. It’ll be more serious and thoughtful this time. Since, I’ve gotten older and obtained more knowledge, maybe reanswering these questions will give you an insight into how I’ve changed since eighth grade. This is by far one of the cringiest things I’ve done. Hopefully, you’ll get a few laughs or chuckles from this. Enjoy!
31 Minutes Read
Time Capsule Questions: To Be Opened In Four Years (2017)
My favorite song of the year.
Person I most enjoy being with.
What I like to do in my spare time.
Describe your favorite shirt.
Your favorite possession.
Favorite teacher and why?
Favorite class and why?
Dream career.
Where do you sit at lunch and with whom?
What do you talk about.
Describe a wall/vignette in your room.
Six words that describe eighth grade.
What are you glad to be leaving behind?
What do you most look forward to?
What would you like to ‘pass down’ and to which sevie would you like to dedicate it too?
What elective are you taking next year?
What are you most hopeful about?
What is your biggest worry/concern about in high school?
What is your biggest worry/concern about life?
What advice can you give to incoming seventh graders to help them be successful next year?
What advice do you give next year’s eighth graders?
What do you expect high school to be like?
What goal have you set for yourself to be accomplished in the next year?
What goal have you set for yourself to be accomplished in the next four years?
What is the most serious thing that happened to you this year and how did you overcome it?
What advice do you give yourself?
What value is the most important to you and why?
What is one thing you secretly wish for?
What advice can you offer teachers?
What advice can you offer parents?
What brings you joy?
What do you know for sure?
Describe yourself in the year 2017.
Answers to Time Capsule Questions
Manting Xiong 5/31/13 Per 5
Dear Senior Manting, It’s good to see you again you sexy looking man. Hey, remember these 33 things you wrote down in eighth grade English class?
Favorite song of the year is Lil Crazed – The Good Life
The person I enjoyed mast with was with Eric Xiong, Kou Yang, A Lo, Anthony Lo, and Yaze Xiong.
I practiced break dancing in my free time.
My favorite was the living the dream where it shows a kid sitting down and playing games.
My favorite possein was my awesome calculator: Team Player
Ms. Price cus she was nice teacher & she didn’t give out too much homework.
4th period Leadership was my favorite class because everyday I got to see my crush.
A youtuber or Achievement Hunter LPer.
I sit with my Asian Group.
Girls, Games, asshole teachers, plus High School.
I have pictures of myself.
Cool, badass, shit, amazing, legit, swag.
Some of the bitchass staffs.
See some of my old friends in High school.
None/ Ben Travers
Leadership/Choir
Homework/relationships
My boners.
Getting to marry my crush.
Don’t Give Up!
Don’t have sex!
Hard as fuck!
Lose weight!
Get myself a girlfriend my crush.
Leadership communciting service hours.
Don’t Fuck Up.
My life.
To be rich!
Don’t be Fags!
Same ↑ Shit
See her smile every day.
Some people Are little bitches.
I would be muscular, I would have a girlfriend, I would graduate, I wouldn’t have lost my V card, I would have a better life.
Special: 8th grade crushes
Sadie Pressman and Hayley Colwes
Wow… What a rollercoaster ride that was. Okay, here is the explanation for each answer. And also more serious answers to the questions.
1. Favorite Song of the Year? In jr. high, the main artist I listened to was Lil Crazed. I stopped listening to Lil Crazed once I got into high school. I don’t know why. I think it was just natural. I was groovin’ to his music like I used to. It was just eh. But yeah, I actually got the title wrong. It’s K.i.D – The Good Life.
Now, my favorite artist is GOT7 and my favorite song from them is called ‘Let Me’. In general, Kpop is my main genre of music now.
2. Person I most enjoy being with? My favorite people I used to hang out with are my Hmong classmates. I forgot to mention the seventh graders that also hung out with us. Essentially, we were a large group. Some people in our group weren’t able to be in the picture.
Once we got into high school. We drifted apart. It wasn’t an instant change but gradually I started to hang out less and less with them. Maybe, it was because I kept taking different classes from them. They wanted to stick together and take the same courses together while I wanted to experience newer things. I took classes that they didn’t take. Maybe that was when we started to drift apart from each other. It was still fun when we had the same classes together in jr. high, but I wanted to challenge myself and see how much I can grow and change from being in an environment apart from them. In the end, I was able to grow and learn more about myself. But that also meant that my friendship with them deteriorated. Because even if they didn’t tell me. I can see that many of them saw it as me leaving them. In some way, I alienated myself from them. That was when I started to get comfortable doing things on my own; becoming a Lone Wolf.
Who do I hang out with nowadays? Nowadays I hang out with the friends I’ve made from EOP in Summer Bridge. But we don’t have a lot of free time to actually hang out together. Everyone is so busy that we’ll only hang out together as our EOP group maybe once or twice per semester. But I’m still on my own a lot of the time. I’ve gotten used to the lone-wolf mentality. I’m used to eating by myself too. I know some people find it extremely difficult to eat alone but for me, it doesn’t really matter.
3. What do I like to do in my spare time? In jr. high, break dancing was the biggest new trend for my group and me. Whenever we had free time after school, we would practice breakdancing. I wasn’t very good. It was fun though, so I didn’t really care. If you want to see another cringy thing of my past, here’s the link to our one performance as a group. https://youtu.be/mzg9LX4tSyY
What do I like to do in my spare time now? Listening to music, singing, dancing, writing, playing video games, and playing volleyball. Nothing too special or different. I don’t break dance anymore though.
4. Describe your favorite shirt. This was the shirt I was talking about. Living The Dream…
What’s my favorite shirt now? I don’t really have one to be honest. I’m not a fashionable person even though people tell me that I dress like a fuck boy. So, I don’t know how to describe my fashion sense or taste.
5. Your favorite possession. In junior high, I had a calculator I used for math. I got it from the lost and found bin at my school. It had a slidey thing that you had to slip over the screen and the buttons. Inside the slidey thing, ‘Team Player’ was written in permanent marker on the slidey thing. So, that is how my calculator became my favorite possession.
My favorite possession now… hmm… I would say my favorite possession is the bronze/ gold medal I received from Chico Rotary Club. I received it in 2013 (The same year I wrote this time capsule) for the Outstanding Citizenship Award. I was actually very surprised when I heard my name being called up for it. No one told me about it and I wasn’t expecting it at all. I was one of two students who received the award. The other recipient was a girl called Hayley Colwes. The only way that I must’ve won it was my Leadership teacher; Mr. Andy Wahl telling Chico Rotary Club about me. And if a Chico Rotary Club Rep is reading this. I sincerely thank you for selecting me for this award. Oddly enough, in my senior year. I also got bestowed a scholarship from the Chico Rotary Club Foundation too. So, I guess it came in full circle from my eighth-grade year to my senior year.
6. Favorite teacher and why? I answered with Mrs. Price. She was really chill and taught us well. She always answered our questions thoroughly and never belittle us. I always enjoyed going to her class in my eighth-grade year.
My favorite teacher ever is gotta be Mrs. Delgardo. Mrs. Delgardo was my choir teacher from my freshmen year of high school to the end of my junior year of high school. Unfortunately, she retired at the end of my junior year. But I wished she would’ve taught us for my senior year. And then retire. She was the one who taught me the importance of music and singing. And how joyous it could enrich our lives. Choir was a class I always looked forward to in my high school years. Well, not so much in my senior year. And that was due to having a new timid music teacher and privileged shitty classmates. But I won’t get into that. That’s a story for another day. If you’re wondering what kind of drama that was, then you’ll have to wait. Because I’ll make sure to write it. Other than my senior year, the choir was great. It was a big stress reliever and there was always positive vibes in the classroom.
7. Favorite class and why? I’m shaking my head while I’m writing this. What a corny thing to say/ write. Really younger Manting? He wasn’t wrong though. The fourth period was my favorite class not because of seeing my old crush. But because it was fun and I got to work in an environment that was really out of my comfort zone. Which made me improve my interpersonal and intrapersonal skills. The students who were in the class were very nice and supportive too. It was a good environment to be in. And getting to be around pretty girls was a plus 😀
Overall I always enjoyed classes like Leadership or Student Government. I loved working on behind-the-scenes stuff, planning and executing events. Hell, even cleaning up events was always fun. So for my favorite class in high school, it was either Student Government or Choir. But I would probably choose Choir over Student Government. I had more fond and positive memories in Choir than I did in Student Government. I actually took both Student Government and Choir both in the same year during my junior year. Granted I didn’t have a lot of free time because I was always doing something but it was still fun nonetheless. It kept me busy and distracted me from problems I had at home.
8. Dream career. My dream career when I was younger was to be a Youtuber or be a part of Rooster Teeth. Specifically, part of Achievement Hunter in Rooster Teeth. During jr. high, the trend of doing challenges and recreating trendy stuff was the new big thing. PSY’s Gangnam Style and many other things like that became the new ‘big’ thing. So, I thought becoming a YouTuber was the way to. And that was when I also started to watch a lot of entertainment company videos and gaming videos. Like Rooster Teeth and The Creatures. I even began my own youtube channel that had me commentating while playing a video game. You’ll never find it because I deleted it a long time ago. That was a long time ago though.
Dream career now… I’m trying to become a History teacher… so that’s my dream career? But in all honesty, my dream career would either be a professional volleyball player or a Korean Pop Idol. Those two occupations are something that I love to do. I love playing volleyball and I love to sing and dance. With volleyball, I’m just too short of a player to play front row with all these tall players. I love to pass and play back row too but I become more alive and empowered while playing front row. If I was taller, more athletic, and had more hops. Maybe then I could become a professional volleyball player. As for the dream career to become a Kpop Idol. You would have to be scouted at a young age (elementary – jr. high) and then go through X amount of years of training. Until the company you’re training at, deems you’re ready to debut. And for that to happen, you have to be very hard-working and have some amount of talent, to begin with. Hard work will always beat out talent. If someone has both a great work ethic and talent. No matter how much hard work you put in. You’ll never overcome that. I’m already past the age of becoming a Kpop trainee. I’m not good at singing or dancing too. So, maybe in another lifetime. I’ll be more blessed with those skills to pursue them.
9. Where do you sit at lunch and with whom? I mostly sat with my Hmong group. Nothing special about it. We would usually walk around campus or stand around and chill in one of the hallways or by the basketball courts in jr. high.
10. What do you talk about? Not much has changed since then. I still talk about the same things. But now with different people. My EOP group of friends and I talk about girls, games, work, the future, our past, sports, and college. We don’t talk about teachers or professors much anymore. Pretty much whatever is hot at the moment on the internet will become the main topic of whomever we talk to in life.
11. Describe a wall/vignette in your room. I still have pictures of myself that are hung up around my room. But over Thanksgiving break, I purchased my first ever Kpop album from the group called Berry Good. A large poster came with the album. That poster is always the first and last thing I see before going to sleep.
12. Six words that describe eighth grade. Fun. Thankful. Realization. Privilege. Busy. Laughable.
1. Fun – I was able to have an enjoyable eighth-grade year. Leadership was always fun to attend. P.E. wasn’t as bad as people made it out to be. English was nice with Mrs. Price.
2. Thankful – Thankful for the opportunities I was able to experience due to Leadership and Mr. Wahl.
3. Realization – This wasn’t so much for eighth grade as it was for my home life. I realized a lot of things at home this year.
4. Privilege – I kinda understood privilege a bit more due to Leadership. I was able to do things other non – leadership students weren’t able to do.
5. Busy – I felt pretty busy in my eighth-grade year. In Leadership, one of our assignments for each semester was to do 10 – 20 hours of community service in Chico. The way to record your community service hours was after an event you helped out at. You would bring your community service sheet with you and have one of the supervisors at that event sign it. Once you’ve obtained the necessary amount of community service hours. You would then turn in the sheet to Mr. Wahl and receive points for it. I always went overbroad and do more than the necessary amount.
6. Laughable – Eighth grade was laughable because thinking back to it. There are things I did that make me cringe or think “What was I doing?” Bringing some good and bad memories back into my head.
13. What are you glad to be leaving behind? Okay, now tis one… As Kevin Hart would say “Let Me Explain.” There were a handful of staff at Chico Jr. that I didn’t like. I still had a good education at CJHS but not all the staff were friendly or kind to minority students like myself. I had two incidents where I was called into the vice principal’s office and one incident of being called into the counselors’ office. The incident with me being called into the counselors’ office and then into the vice principal’s office are linked. And then the second time I went to the vice principal’s office was something different.
My first incident was during my seventh-grade year. This incident was both with my counselor and the vice principal. It was all related to my P.E. teachers and my grade in P.E. This is going to be a long explanation. So, in my first semester, my P.E. teacher was Mr. Brown. Old white dude with a white goatee. He always wore a straw hat and sunglasses. I don’t know why but every P.E. teacher at CJHS wore sunglasses. Don’t know why, but I can probably figure it out. Just not going to say it… Anyways, Mr. Brown would never input points or grades. Never. He would wait until like the final month and then insert our grades into Aeries. Aeries is the portal account used by Chico Unified School District to track grades, attendance, graduation progress (high school), etc. He had us turn in a lot of assignments that were related to the sport/ unit we were currently playing. So there were assignments that needed to be graded and inputted into Aeries to show what our grades were. So those were a couple of not-so-good staff that I had to deal with at CJHS. Still a good middle school though. It’s all water under the bridge now. I don’t think about it anymore.
Author’s Note: Damn, that was longer than I expected. I gotta that a break and I’ll be back.
14. What do you most look forward to? When I graduated from jr. high to high school. I looked forward to seeing my upperclassmen friends again. That was mostly what I thought about.
Now, I look forward to what new opportunities will arise for me. I’m actually finding too many opportunities that now, I have to be very careful and smart with what I yes to and what I say no to. So, let’s see what 2019 will have in store for us all. 🙂
15. What would you like to ‘pass down’ and to which sevie would you like to dedicate it to? I had some good sevies that I thought were cool and nice. Jack Sheridan, Chad Dollarhide, Ben Travers, Luke Neuhart, Geovanni (I don’t know his last name). We were all together in Leadership except for Geo. Geo and I were in Algebra-a together. Funny enough, Jack and I would become volleyball teammates together in high school.
16. What advice would I give to students going into Jr. high? Now that I’m 20… I would say, enjoy your youthfulness and childlike self as much as you can. The older you get, the more unwanted responsibilities you’ll start to have. And pretty soon those responsibilities will change your mindset more into adults. You’re at that age where you naively think you know about most things in life. But the reality is that you still have so much more to learn and understand. Some will be more experienced, educated, mature, or wiser than others and that’s fine. In, general everyone still has a lot to learn about.
17. What elective are you taking next year? I didn’t get into Student Government which I was saddened about. But little did I know, Choir was the best elective available at CHS. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Then to have choir as freshmen.
18. What are you most hopeful about? I wrote homework/ relationships…
Homework – I wanted to be more efficient and diligent when I worked on my homework. So I wanted to improve the way how I approached my homework and how I completed them.
Relationships – I don’t know why but I really wanted to experience what having a girlfriend would be like. Or being in that type of relationship would be like. It was only wishful thinking though. I ended up going through high school without getting into a serious relationship. I thought about it from time to time… But overall, I didn’t think I was ready for a relationship yet. I wanted to improve myself to the point where I feel confident enough to get into a relationship. And that is still my mindset now.
19. What is your biggest worry/concern about in high school? Yeah… So… I was worried about my boners. mainly because I had so many boners during jr. high that I thought it would only get worse or increase in high school. It’s not like I had an irregular amount of boners per day. but like the times when I had them were terrible timing. It would always be like towards the end of class when I would get boners. Which meant that everyone would have to get up and get out of class and walk over to their next class. And I would usually be the slow person that would get up only after everyone has left besides the teacher. And no, I didn’t get boners because I was perverted. I got them because they were natural. Just bad timing. The worse was always before lunch. I was sitting down. I would be the last person to get lunch that day. They would last for like 30 seconds – 1 minute. I know, quite embarrassing. Don’t worry, I had to deal with that until like the end of my freshmen year. That’s when it got better. And not be horrible timing.
My biggest worry about high school now. I would say it’s trying to stay motivated throughout high school. I know it may sound easy. But I can definitely say that motivation has a lot to do with whether a student will finish high school or not. Most people get through high school somehow. Students just have to find whatever that motivation is to continue to get through high school. By the time most students get to their senior year, they’re pretty much done with the whole idea of school (unless they’re trying to go to college). Everyone else is ready to finish high school and be done with education forever.
20. What is your biggest worry/concern about life? Getting to marry my crush. Wow, younger Manting. No that’s not your biggest worry. At this point in my life, I’m more concerned about what my future will be like. Global warming, climate change, advancement of technology, increase in population, and the rising cost of raising a family. It worries me if I’ll be able to have a family and support them. Plus, if we’re even going to be alive in 20, 30, or 40 years from now. We fucked up the Earth so bad, we’re endangered now.
21. What advice can you give to incoming seventh graders to help them be successful next year? Don’t Give Up!
Wow, I actually gave good advice. Don’t give up on school and don’t procrastinate. And that can be applied to life as well.
22. What advice do you give next year’s eighth graders? Don’t have sex!
I still agree with this. I definitely think jr. high students are much too young to start having sex. During my eighth-grade graduation, one of my classmates walked the stage and she was pregnant. I was so surprised like… You’re the same age as me and you’re pregnant already? That’s… wow… I would not want to be in that situation.
Whether people want to admit it or not, I would say about 60 – 70% of students lose their virginity during high school. I know that in my graduating class, about 80% of us already lost our virginity already. I’m not going to disclose which percent I’m in, you can assume what you want. It would make sense too, that’s the age when you start to explore your sexuality. And the rumors about ‘this student doing this with that student’ were usually 90% true. It seemed like more students were focused on relationships and alcohol/ drug substances than actually learning at my high school.
23. What do you expect high school to be like? Hard as fuck!
I wasn’t too wrong. It was difficult but only at that time. Looking back on it, it wasn’t anything too difficult. I think it was a bit difficult due to all the stress we have at that stage of our life. Puberty, school work, work (if you did), relationships, sports, grades, depression, not knowing what to do after high school, etc.
24. What goal have you set for yourself to be accomplished in the next year? Lose weight.
Yes, that is still a goal I have to this day. Haven’t done too well on it. Throughout high school, I was always between 160 – 167. I never gained or lose weight and passed those measurements until I got into college. I use to be skinny and slim until my third-grade year in elementary. After I had come back from Las Vegas over the summer, I noticed I gained hella weight. Ever since then, I’ve always been chubby/ fat.
Now I’m at 172 lbs. I would like it if one day I could lose enough lbs. to be around the 150s. I don’t want to make that a New Year’s resolution because I just don’t have the time for it. But I would like to at least, drop back down to 160’s. And then focus on dropping down to the 150s.
25. What goal have you set for yourself to be accomplished in the next four years? Get a girlfriend. Wow, umm. It never happened. I pretty much answered this question earlier with question #17. And here it is again if you forgot. [I don’t know why but I really wanted to experience what having a girlfriend would be like. Or being in that type of relationship would be like. It was only wishful thinking though. I ended up going through high school without getting into a serious relationship. I thought about it from time to time… But overall, I didn’t think I was ready for a relationship yet. I wanted to improve myself to the point where I feel confident enough to get into a relationship. And that is still my mindset now.]
26. What is the most serious thing that happened to you this year and how did you overcome it? Me during eighth grade, trying to acquire the necessary amount of community service hours was difficult for me. I didn’t know where I could find the opportunities to get these community service hours. Mr. Wahl was very helpful but aside from him and his insight. I pretty much didn’t know where and how to find the opportunities to complete this assignment. I was able to complete it and have an enjoyable time with it. Looking back on it… There were more than enough opportunities that soon arose and I never had too much of a hard time with it.
27. What advice do you give yourself? Don’t Fuck Up.
Or simply, don’t mess up in life. But that’s a really difficult thing not to do. So, that advice to myself now is invalid.
Being older and experiencing more interesting things in life. The advice I would give to my younger self, it would be. Try to be more confident in the things you do in life. I say this because, throughout high school, I had different levels of confidence. Being confident in what you’re doing, whether it’s sports, arts, school, work, etc. If you feel confident in what you’re doing. That will improve your mood, mindset, and your will/ motivation. And all of that contributes to loving yourself. And love who you are. It’s easier said than done. Because one little or small thing can always derail your confidence. There were times during high school, I just felt so confident in my abilities that I felt like I could do no wrong. And then there were days when I felt so low and doubtful about my ability that it would put me in a gloomy mood all day. This is still something that I’m working on with myself as well. It’s going to be a work in progress throughout my life. So, I don’t think I’ll be able to solve this ‘thing’ anytime soon.
28. What value is the most important to you and why? Obviously, I didn’t understand what the question was asking. Let’s see… the most important value to me… I would say, having a good moral compass. And that could be very broad but making the right decisions. A natural feeling that makes people know what is right and wrong and how they should behave. I believe I have a strong moral compass but some other people might disagree with that. And sometimes it’s difficult to judge if this is the morally correct choice or not. One decision could be viewed as the morally correct choice for one person, and for another person that choice is the immoral choice. And vice versa.
29. What is one thing you secretly wish for? Yes, to be rich.
And some people might be viewing this as me being a materialistic person. Which, I’m not. But I do want to be rich one day. And experience the extravagant lifestyle. Where money ISN’T an issue. Because rich people would always say, “Money doesn’t buy happiness.” I would disagree with that. Because growing up dirt poor. Being rich was one of the many things you would’ve dreamed about. I think there are very different perspectives and mindsets for two individuals to become wealthy. The mindset of someone who has been dirt poor their entire life, and then be rich. Would be completely different from someone who was already born into that wealthy lifestyle.
30. What advice can you offer teachers? Be more open-minded to a student’s question(s) or situation. As someone who is trying to become a future teacher. I’m trying to break down that ‘barrier’ between students and teachers/ professors. Some teachers and professors demand you to have honorifics when you address them. And I think that is complete bs. Why should I give you respect just because you have a title under your name? Respect is earned, not given. If you’re a teacher and you do a shitty job at teaching, why should I continue to give you respect when you’re incompetent at your job? I wish students and teachers would view each other more as human beings rather than seeing each other as ‘teachers’ and ‘students’.
31. What advice can you offer parents? I’m just going to skip this question. My view on parents is very complicated so if you’re genuinely interested. You can me and I’ll answer it then.
32. What brings you joy? See her smile every day… Wow, if that isn’t one of the corniest things to ever say. What brings me joy is to be around people with similar mindsets and people who you can really connect with. It sounds easy, like oh you can connect just about with anyone. But I’m a lot happier now in college than I was in high school and that has a lot to do with the people I hang out with.
It also brings me joy in seeing how my actions have positively impacted someone’s life. I don’t view myself as an inspirational person or a role model. Not because I don’t believe I am those things. Because I do. I do know I’m an inspirational person and a positive role model. The reason why I deny those things is because once I start seeing something as ‘it’s special’ or ‘I’m special.’ Then I start to lose the humility that comes with it. And I’ll flex once or twice when the time comes and I achieve success. But until then, I want to remain humble about my success so far and the little things I’ve achieved so far. I really believe in these three things. You’re never too popular, famous, wealthy, or important to be nice, kind, and humble.
33. What do you know for sure? Some people are little bitches.. It’s still true… Don’t see a problem with it. Maybe changing the last word would be good though.
34. Describe yourself in the year 2017. I think I’ve already answered this question with another post. Click this link if you want to find out. ———> High School Journey Hopefully, I’ll be slimmer and handsome in 2020. 😀 And hopefully I’ll have gained some new skills and experience new things.
Special: Yeah… I had a crush on two girls in my eighth-grade year. They were Sadie Pressman and Hayley Colwes. Once I got into high school though. I didn’t like them anymore. I moved on and just didn’t have any feelings for them anymore. Plain and simple, nothing more nothing less.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello I wrote this poem in my ENGL 220W class during college. My inspiration for this poem is from my passion for volleyball and from the anime Haikyuu. To make the imagery more clear while you’re reading the poem. Image a volleyball player floating up to spike a ball. When people hear or read the phrase ‘The view from the summit’ they often think about the view from an actual mountain/ summit. But the view from the summit that I’m trying to make others see is the view when the spiker’s head is above the net. And they see the other side from the very top. Hopefully, that will make things more clear. Enjoy!
1 Minute Read
Time slows down, almost to a stop. Surprised white eyes stare with intense curiosity. As I walk onto the court, human iron walls enter as well. The gigantic iron walls are blocking my view. Like flies and mosquitoes, they loom and appear constantly. Daylight sneaks through those iron walls like cracked windows. Black thin strings isolate me from my fear. Slowly, I fly higher than the tall and long white tape. The red and white warn me from getting near. It is drawn to me, like a magnet. And leaves me with its past emotions. I see it fly away with determination and fear. The top lights up like fireworks on the Fourth of July. It ends quickly and sets up for another round. The view from the summit doesn’t discriminate, all can reach it.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello. This was a persona piece I wrote in my ENGL 220W class in college. It’s about the life, feelings, and journey of a volleyball or in general any ball. Ummm… I didn’t try to make it sexual in any way but it could sound like it. Just know I had no intention to make this sound sexual. Hopefully, you’ll enjoy this.
1 Minute Read
They don’t appreciate me. To them, I’m just a toy They play with it when they’re bored. I fly wherever they hit me Towards with their hard hands. If I don’t cooperate, they also kick me with their stinking feet. But some hands are soft. They gently push me forward And I float lightly to the other side. Eventually, I will deflate And I won’t be needed no more. That’s the sad life of a ball.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello! This was a writing assignment I had in my college English class; ENGL 220W. Quick story about life and how the younger us had a simpler life. I also had a friend who wrote a piece about eating rice and I gained inspiration from them for this. Enjoy!
4 Minutes Read
Laying on the soft yet stiff bed, I burned with the feeling of wanting to leave. My body didn’t cooperate with my mind. And thus, I lie still on my bed patiently waiting. My green childhood blanket next to me gave me extra warmth. I always remember when I was sick, the number one food that I had to consume was, rice porridge.
Something so slimy and bland never tasted so good. Rice by itself is already bland, combining it with water too? An indescribable taste. No energy was needed to chew the soft jasmine rice. You could swallow the hot gooeyness of the porridge and you’ll still be fine.
The bowl of hot and steamy rice porridge sitting on top of the counter next to me. Its presence gave me a sense of comfort. I bring it slowly towards me and rest it on top of my lap. My warm body welcomes the warmth from the bowl of rice porridge as I scoop a spoonful into my mouth.
I move it back and forth from left to right to cool down the rice porridge as much as possible before I swallowed. Taking in a sigh of relief for not burning myself. I go back in for a second spoonful and repeat the sequence until I finished the bowl.
I never really understood why my fellow classmates in elementary would tell me that when they were sick. They would eat a bowl of chicken noodle soup instead of rice porridge. Slowly, as I grew up and got more educated. I realized that I wasn’t privileged enough for ‘chicken noodle soup.’ Later in life, I tried it once and I was very disappointed. “This is what you eat to get better?!” was my first initial reaction. I decided to stick with rice porridge as my cure food for my sick days.
Sitting outside in the hot summer heat. I ate my lunch. A bowl of rice and ice water or water rice with a tiny slice of watermelon. The coldness from the icy water rice radiating from the porcelain bowl. My small hands hold the bowl tightly afraid that I’ll drop it. After each spoonful of icy water rice, I nimble a little bit from the tiny slice of watermelon. The taste of the sweet red meat of the watermelon fruit lingers on my tongue after I swallow. Once again, I repeat the same steps until I finished my bowl of icy water rice and the tiny slice of watermelon was gone.
I’m not sure if I’m the only person that feels this way but I get both happy and sad after I finish eating something. I feel happy and grateful because I was able to eat something and not have my stomach empty. But I also feel sad because after eating the food I have. I don’t have it anymore. I don’t really know when or why I developed these types of feelings. Maybe it’s from my upbringing in an underprivileged family. For me that has made my relationship with food different because I’m more grateful for what I have and the amount of food I eat.
I kinda miss those days. The simpler days of just sitting outside eating a bowl of icy water rice in the summer heat or on a cold rainy day, eating a bowl of hot and gooey rice porridge. They were way simpler than today. Less stress, fewer worries, fewer problems, and more happiness maybe? I miss them, but then I think of my childhood as a whole. And I’m reminded that I’m in a better place now. But I’ll still have those bowls of icy water rice and hot rice porridge once in a while.
It’s simple. Three scoops of hot steamy rice into the porcelain bowl. One for myself. One for my ancestors. And one for the ones who aren’t here anymore. Let the rice sit for a couple minutes to cool down. While the rice is cooling down. Take a water bottle out of the freezer. Hit it once a bit hard but not too hard to create a reaction that freezes the water. Carefully pour the icy water over the cool downed rice. Once the water reaches the top and barely passes over a few grains of rice, stop pouring. Grab yourself a spoon and enjoy. See, it’s simple. Like the simple days of life.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello there. I’m an EOP (Educational Opportunity Program) student at CSU, Chico. As an EOP student, I was given an opportunity to go live in the dorms at CSU, Chico with my other EOP peers in my incoming class for two weeks during the summer. We were given some homework assignments before coming to the dorms. I wanted to get it done quickly so I sent my assignment in two days early before the program started. Surprisingly, my professor, Kim emailed me and said that I was the first person to send my assignment to her. If you’ve read my paper; High School Journey. I reused a portion of it in this paper because the topic we were given to write about is related to each other. Enjoy!
5 Minutes Read
Manting Xiong EOP Summer Bridge 13 June 2017
Who is Manting Xiong?
Hi, I’m Manting Xiong! If you don’t know me that’s unfortunate. If you do know me I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you in the past, present, or future. And if you haven’t met me, well I’m a very generous, loving, caring, understanding, and genuine person. Of course, there are my flaws; like my stuttering and other things that I won’t mention for now. Most of the time I’m an easy-going person. That’s probably why sometimes people don’t take me seriously.
I believe that I really am a selfless person, ninety-five percent of the time I would prioritize another person’s wellbeing instead of mine. Now you are probably asking why? What benefits do you get from that? Doesn’t that leave you able to be used and harmed? I do it because that’s just the type of person I am. This is ironic considering my father isn’t the greatest of people and practically grew up without one even though he was around the house. My mother, well my first time ever getting to see her in person was during the summer after my freshmen year.
What little information I could gather after visiting her, made the idea of me being nice, a little less ironic. To answer the second question above, yes it did leave me in a vulnerable place to be used and potentially be harmed, you may think that I am lying but I couldn’t care less. Of course, I won’t help you anymore if you break my trust or did something that I didn’t like and I won’t be someone who you could rely on. But I said that I couldn’t care less because there once comes a point when you’ve been hurt so many times that it sorts of becomes normal. You may be thinking, what in the heck are you talking about? Trust me on this, I’m going to turn nineteen in less than twenty days. During these short eighteen years that I’ve lived through, I experienced things that would make a person kill themselves to stop the pain and end the struggle that they must deal with constantly.
Now I understand that everybody has a different type of struggle that they must go through and that’s reasonable. You may be thinking, what in the heck are you talking about? Trust me on this, I’m going to turn nineteen in less than twenty days. During these short eighteen years that I’ve lived through, I experienced things that would make a person kill themselves to stop the pain and end the struggle that they must deal with constantly. Now I understand that everybody has a different type of struggle that they must go through and that’s reasonable.
I too, like many others when believing that their own struggle was unique and different. Having experienced many negative things at an earlier age, it really made my mind mature faster than my body, age, and the people around me. Those negative experiences took me to a very dark place that no one should ever go to. This is what you don’t see when you first look at me. But enough of this, the mood is starting to get too sulky and unwanted.
How will I impact Chico State? I don’t believe that I’ll do anything that will impact Chico State. Or this is just me being humble but I honestly won’t do anything special. I plan to go study abroad but that’s been done before at Chico State. I do plan to graduate in four years but that’s not special. At Chico High, I was picked as one of the students to receive an award for who teachers have recommended students that they deem have been a positive impact on the staff or the school.
And I am very grateful for that, never thought that I would receive an award for being nice. But I don’t think that what I did in high school will translate to Chico State in any significant way because they are thousands of students here, and the biggest difference between this and high school is that we are in college, now think about it and really let that set in. Here at Chico State, I won’t be the most artistic person, won’t be the best player on the court, nor will I be the best singer, not to mention not even one of the smartest students in my incoming class. I will just be a “regular” student who didn’t want to disappoint himself, his peers, or his teachers. What I would consider someone as an impactful individual is someone who will be remembered for a very long time. Most students will be forgotten by their teachers, I’m just like them, after a short period of time everyone will be forgotten, and the only ones who will be remembered are the impactful ones.
How will Chico State impact me? The one thing I do know is that coming here will help me find out more about myself that I don’t currently know, and help me in my pursuit of my goals. So that’s Manting Xiong, a Hmong-American boy born in Concord, North Carolina but raised in Chico, California.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hello and thank you for choosing to read this. This was an assignment I had to present and perform in my Speech and Debate class during my senior year of high school. Thematic – having or relating to subjects or a particular subject. When I was completing this assignment, I knew I wanted my subject to be deep and moving. And since I was going to graduate, the topic of farewell messages came to my mind. Within this assignment, I used Shigatsu Wa Kimi No Uso’s Kaori Letter, Uncontrollably Fond’s Shin Joon Young Future Video, Descendents of the Sun’s Yoo Shi Jin Will, and Running Man’s Goodbye Letters to Kang Gary as my examples. To be honest, when I was performing this in my class, I also cried too because I began to get into my feelings. Anyways enjoy!
15 Minutes Read
Manting Xiong Goldmann Speech and Debate 9 November 2016
Thematic Interpretation: Farewell Messages
I apologize beforehand, my theme might bring you unwanted feelings or mood changes.
Introduction: There is without a doubt that you will experience a tragic loss of a loved one in your lifetime. There’s no other way to get around it; everyone dies for various reasons, some are reckless and they die young, or you grow old and slowly fade away. The loss of a loved one could be someone who inspired you, it could be a role model, your best friend, a family member, basically anyone that is important to you. We all know that sooner or later the inevitable will come for all of us. There are a lot of stages in the event of losing a loved one. The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. But I don’t believe that those are the most important part of losing a loved one. It’s the unexpected and unwanted news that is told to you, but through all of that, they somehow manage to still provide you with a gift that they leave for you. The letter, video, or will that they record to be given to a particular person. Sometimes it’s not them who are saying goodbye to you, it’s you having to say goodbye to them.
– Title of Piece: Kaori’s Confession Letter
Dear Arima Kousei,
It feels weird writing a letter to someone you were just with…
You’re the worst.
Indecisive. Gullible. Twit.
The first time I ever saw you perform, I was 5 years old. It was at a recital for the piano school I was going to. This awkward, clumsy kid came onto the stage and accidentally hit the piano stool with his butt. It was too funny. He turned to the piano that was way too big for him and the moment he played that first note, I was drawn in.
The sound was beautiful, like a 24-colour palette. The melodies danced.
The girl next to me started crying. I wasn’t expecting that at all.
And even so, you gave up the piano. Even though it totally changed other people’s lives. You’re the worst. Indecisive. Gullible. Twit.
(Cut to Kaori as a kid, telling her parents she’s giving up piano for violin because she wants Kousei to play again.)
When I found out we were in the same middle school, I was ecstatic. But how would I ever come to talk to you? Maybe I’d hang out at the lunch concession. Instead, I just watched you from afar. I mean. After all. You all seemed to get along so well. There wasn’t really any space in there for someone like me.
When I found out we were in the same middle school, I was ecstatic. But how would I ever come to talk to you? Maybe I’d hang out at the lunch concession. Instead, I just watched you from afar. I mean. After all. You all seemed to get along so well. There wasn’t really any space in there for someone like me.
When I was a kid, I had to have an operation and I started having to be at the hospital for regular check-ups. In the first year of middle school, I collapsed and I was admitted over and over. With every visit, I was there for longer and longer. Really, I didn’t get to class much in middle school, I spent more time at the hospital. And I knew something was wrong with my body.
One night, I saw my parents crying in the waiting room and I knew that my time was running out.
That’s when I ran away. I didn’t want to bring my regrets with me to heaven, so I stopped holding back from what the things I always wanted to do. I wasn’t scared anymore to get contact lenses. I ate what I wanted instead of always worrying about my weight. And I took the music with all its high and mighty directives and played it the way I wanted.
And then I told a lie. Just one. I lied and said that I, Miyazono Kaori, liked Watari Ryouta.
And that lie brought you to me.
Please apologize to Watari for me… though I’m sure he’s forgotten me by now I think I need someone more wholehearted and earnest than him. I think we’d be fine as friends though.
And please apologize to Tsubaki for me too. I want for there to be no hard feelings. And there was one thing I could never ask of her, to ask her directly to introduce the two of us. I don’t think she would’ve had an answer for me. After all, she was in love with you. We all knew that. I think the only people who didn’t know were you and her. That underhanded lie brought me to you didn’t work out the way I had imagined.
It was darker. And meaner. And denser. And more stubborn. And more perverted.
And softer. And more masculine. And sweet.
Remember that bridge we jumped off? The water was so cool and refreshing. Racing each other alongside the train. I really thought I could win. The moon was saw from the music room that night, like a delicious-looking bun. Singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with you as we rode on that bike together. Then falling out time. We’re awful singers. At the school at night. I’m still sure there was something there. The falling snow, just like cherry blossoms.
It’s strange to be a musician, but then to have your heart so filled by something that comes from off-stage They’re unforgettable scenes to me. But they’re such little things. It’s weird, isn’t it?
What do you think? Do you think I made it into anyone’s heart like that? I wonder if I made it into yours. I wonder if you’ll still remember me.
If you forget me, I’ll just come back and.. No, I don’t want to start over. Please don’t forget me. Promise me you won’t forget me.
I’m glad it was you.
I hope this reaches you, Arima Kousei.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m sorry we couldn’t eat all those canelés. I’m sorry I hit you so much. I’m sorry I was so selfish.
I’m so, so, so, so sorry.
Thank you for everything.
Miyazono Kaori
Transition #1:The significance of this piece is the fact that when you have something important to say to that person, say it. You never know when that person is going to be gone from your life. You never know how much you impacted their life. Kaori decided to keep everything inside and not reveal her true feelings for Kousei. She lied to him, and we all know that we were taught at a young age to not lie. But a lie could always be better than the truth… right? Kaori helped Kousei regain his ability to play the piano again, and for that, she was satisfied. These types of confession letters are “killers,” “no pun intended”, but these serve a greater purpose. These types of letters let you know how they truly felt about you. Not all farewell messages are happy, some are made to reassure their loved ones that they were happy til the end.
– Title of Piece: Shin Joon Young’s Future Video
This is Shin Joon Young.
Um well, a few months ago I received word from a doctor that I don’t have much more time to live.
I was shocked but…
I mean, everyone dies eventually.
The thing I’m most worried about is that people that I love will think I was miserable in my last days.
I was truly happy.
And…
I was able to enjoy a lovely time. In some ways, realizing how finite one’s time is…
That it reveals truths that one has kept buried within them.
This illness is a blessing that granted me courage.
The doctor told me I have three months to live. Yesterday was the last day the doctor said that I would live to.
If you’re watching this video, I am alive?
Also what kind of life is the woman that I love, No Eul, is living now?
Transition #2: For those of you who don’t know what finite means, it’s having limits or bounds. Shin Joon Young was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He kept this secret from the people he loved the most until his final moments. For the most part, people usually assume that when a person is living the final days of their life, they may tend to think that, that person is probably really sad. He wanted his family and loved ones to know that he died happily. That the time Joon Young had left, he used them wisely. But now you bring in the what ifs… What if a person was perfectly fine, but couldn’t keep their promise of not dying? Will it still be ok, if they died in the line of duty? Some farewell letters maybe that person’s last will.
– Title of Piece: Yoo Shi Jin’s Will
Before we go on a mission, we write a will.
In the end, I hoped this letter would not find its way to you.
I haven’t kept my promise, my promise for you not to be worried, the promise to not be hurt, the promise not to die, and the promise that I would come back for sure.
Before we go on a mission, we write a will.
In the end, I hoped this letter would not find its way to you.
I haven’t kept my promise, my promise for you not to be worried, the promise to not be hurt, the promise not to die, and the promise that I would come back for sure.
I haven’t kept any of those promises, I’m sorry. In the place that you are, it is always bright.
I met you and I loved you. And for being apart from you, I’m really sorry for that.
I know that it’s shameless, but I’d like you not to cry for too long.
More than anyone else, you have to live well and brightly.
And don’t remember me for too long, I am asking for a favor.
Transition #3: Yoo Shi Jin died in the line of duty. Serving his country with pride, while keeping a promise. Some promises can’t be kept to the end. And he understood that, and with his unselfish personality. Shi Jin wanted his girlfriend not to mourn for him for too long. But losing someone doesn’t mean that they have to necessarily have to die. Now let’s move on to something more relatable. I’m guessing that all of you have best friends correct? “Show of hands please if you have a best friend”? “How many years have you been friends with your best friends”? “You’re basically family right”? “Thank you”. After many years of being together your best friend suddenly tells you that they want to pursue their passion. And they will be leaving to pursue that passion. How will you respond to that?
– Title of Piece: Goodbye Letters to Kang Gary
I will only be using 2 of the 6 letters instead of all 6. *Letters that are going to be used.
*Lee Kwang Soo’s Letter: (Male) Dear Gary hyung, I still can’t believe that you’re leaving. I regret that I haven’t expressed enough of my gratitude and apologies to you. I won’t get to see you every Monday from now on, but we’re already a family. I’ll call you more and I hope that we see each other more often. Dear Gary hyung, thank you so much. I love you forever.” – Kwang Soo
Kim Jong Kook’s Letter: (Male) “Gary, you know how I feel. It’s so difficult to write a letter like this to you. You worked hard for a long time. Stay healthy. Good luck in everything you do. We’ll still see each other, so let’s not be sad. I bought you a face massager so use it and become handsome. I hope you will transform.” – Jong Kook
Ji Suk Jin’s Letter: (Male) “Gary, I still can’t believe it. During the last seven years, we talked about many things. We shared a room together during mud games and waited for our turns to shower. On one hand, I was angry when I heard that you’re quitting, but I also understood you, so I was confused about what I felt. I’ll have to respect your wish. I love you, Gary.” – Suk Jin
Ha Dong Hoon’s Letter: (Male) “Gary, I can’t believe it. When the ratings weren’t that high in the beginning of Running Man, we spent the night at Han River. We prayed for things to turn out well at my house. We rolled on the floor laughing. I miss the times when we dreamed while drinking soju. I hope you’ll be healthy and have a wonderful family after you get married. Let’s grow old together. I love you. From Haha who’s more handsome than you.” – Haha
Yoo Jae Suk’s Letter: (Male) “Gary, it’s been seven years since we’ve been on Running Man together. Gary, I’ll think of you during next week’s recording. As I know what you want to achieve in the future, the other members and I support you in all your endeavors. Call me any time you want to be back on a variety show. Ok Gary? See you. It’s too embarrassing for me to continue, so I’ll stop here. See you again. I’ll call you. You did a good job.” – Jae Suk
*Song JI Hyo: (Female) “Gary, Gary, Gary oppa, this is Ji Hyo. I was very shocked when I heard that you’re leaving, so I was in a daze for a few days. I took for granted that until the very end, which we don’t know when, all of us would stay on this show. Perhaps, I was lost in that belief. I was upset and cried, but now that I think about it, I realized how difficult it must have been for you to make such a decision. I’m sorry about the things that I didn’t know about. I felt bad thinking about how hard it must have been for you. Now that you won’t be where you always used to be for the last seven years, I’ll feel sad and lonely, but I’ll stay strong. If you miss us too much, come back any time. No one can fill your place where you’ve been for the last seven years, so I’ll leave it for you.” – Ji Hyo
Transition #4: Kang Gary has been on the South Korean variety show Running Man for the past seven years. He devoted his heart and soul to the show. He has created unbreakable bonds with the other cast members. Though it wasn’t easy, he decided to leave the show so that he can further pursue his passion in music, respecting his decision, his cast members allowed him to leave the show.
Conclusion: When that time comes, when you lose someone who you care about, and they leave a gift for you, cherish it. Whatever it may be, it’s their last message for you. There are a lot of seniors in this class. We’ve gone through four years of high school. And that time is coming to an end. Soon, we will be the ones to say goodbye. Juniors, your time to say goodbye will also come. And when the time comes when you have to say goodbye to that person. Make it meaningful, and worthy of being a farewell message. Thank you.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hi, this is a written piece that I performed at my college’s event called ‘Stories From The Heart’. My inspirations for this piece are by BTS’ member Suga’s song called ‘First Love’ and the Korean Drama ‘Uncontrollably Fond’. I left some of Suga’s lyrics in this piece and I changed the parts to fit it into what I wanted my piece to portray. In the last section of this piece, I got from ‘Uncontrollably Fond’. This is not an original piece by any means. This is a piece that I combined together to share about how I viewed my Mom and Stepmom. I hope you enjoy this!
First Love by Suga
4 Minutes Read
I know someone who… was brave. Someone who was kind and gentle as water. Someone who was soft and light like the morning sun ray. Someone who was warm and loving like a hug. Someone who was amazing and unbelievable like a miracle. Someone who dreamed and inspired like those stars far above. Someone who was unselfish and generous. Someone who was caring and motherly.
This person reminds me… of regret. She reminds me of pain that is unerasable. She reminds me of sacrifice and silent lies. She reminds me of hatred and despair. She reminds me of hopelessness and loneliness. She reminds me of cruelty and endless tears. She reminds me of the freezing cold. She reminds me of the embarrassing heat. She reminds me of the quiet nights.
I remember those moments when she was so much taller than me. That woman who wasn’t privileged enough to guide me. When I had caressed her with my small baby fingers. I naturally thought to myself, “I feel so nice Mom I feel so nice.” Without you as my hope, I was led astray. I grabbed onto hope wherever I could find it. But, I didn’t know that back then. Because I was happy and content with just looking at you.
I remember back during my younger days. When I would get asked, “Do you miss her?” It didn’t matter which answer I gave. They were both wrong. I neglected you now when I once yearned for you so much. Your image has been neglected. No matter where I am. You always gave me strength. But I didn’t know that it would be for the last time.
I remember back in my storming teen days when I met you for the first time when I was 16. That moment when I saw you. Immediately, I knew who you were. The awkwardness before we embraced was only for a moment. Without repulsion or hesitation… you accepted me. We laughed and we cried for all of those 16 years apart. Those days with you, those moments are now in distant memories.
I said to myself “I really can’t do this anymore.” and every time I wanted to give up. I imagined those words you might have said to me. “Don’t worry, you can really do it.” I remember back then when I was fed up and lost. Back then when I fell into the bottomless forlorn pit. Even when I pushed you away, even when I resented meeting you. Something inside me told me to forgive and forget you. Because you were my First Love.
In my infant’s voice, I was screaming “Don’t leave like this!” Your eyes gazed back at me, I imagine they told me. “Even if I leave. You’ll do well on your own. I remember when I first met you. You were so small and fragile then. Before I knew it, you grew up taller than me. This will be the end of our relationship. Don’t ever feel sorry for me. And don’t feel sorry for yourself.”
“My doors will always be open for you, so please come by whenever you miss me. On the days that rains or snows, or when a butterfly flies by me, I’ll think that you have dropped by. The day when you were born and the day you die, I will continue to be there. No matter what form or whenever I will get to meet you again. I promise to treat better then. I will make up for all the time we were apart. Your mother will care for you then. We will greet each other happily.”
The End
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: Hi there! Thank you for checking out Her Name? It is a love story between two people where a person’s aspiration will conflict with the love that they experienced that Summer. The female in the photos is Sana Minatozaki, a girl idol for the K-Pop group Twice. She was the person I had in mind when I wrote this piece. I took inspiration from Korean dramas and animes I was watching at the time and incorporated some of those dialogues into this piece. This was the first ever fanfiction I wrote and I can say that I’m really happy with it. I hope you enjoy reading this!
28 Minutes Read
The therapist asked me “So why are you here today?” “I’m having trouble expressing my feelings and I don’t know why?” I replied. “Well, tell me about your situation.” said the therapist. “To be honest, it’s something I would not want to remember… but at the same time, I don’t want to forget it too. It was the happiest moment of my life, and it was the saddest moment in my life. Let me start from the beginning then.” I said. I came to stay with my grandma in Osaka over summer break. My parents had left for the U.S. for their anniversary, so I was sent to Osaka. It was nice getting to see my grandma again, I’m really not a fan of big cities. I just thought that it was going to be a “normal” summer break. It was… until I met her. I didn’t even know it then, but I had fallen in love.
I know right? How corny. She couldn’t have felt the same for me, she couldn’t have. I didn’t allow her to have the chance to love me. It was a one-sided love… like it should’ve been. But, that wasn’t the case. One day, a woman walked into my life. We hung out together, played, sang, and even danced together. It was too perfect at first and then I got this feeling like I always had before… She must not become someone important in my life. So, I locked away any feelings I had for her and I pushed her away as much as I could. Still, she came back to me. Maybe I wasn’t mean enough. Maybe I should’ve had more conviction to create the distance between us. My conviction wavered because of her smile. She would give me one smile that would leave me speechless and dumbfounded.
Why is she so forgiving? One day I yelled at her to “GO AWAY!”, I saw her tears start to fall and she ran home. If our lives were different, I would’ve accepted her wholeheartedly… but I know that she’s destined for someone and something bigger and better than me. I went home with tears in my eyes. Grandma saw me crying and she asked me why. I told her what I did and she whooped my ass for being such a bad grandson. Saying “I taught you to be better than that!” She was disappointed that I wasn’t a gentleman in my situation and for hurting such a beautiful girl. My grandmother yelled a lot at me and I felt guilty for what I did. My grandma made some cupcakes for her and forced me to go over to her house and apologize to her.
I say forced, but I was genuinely worried that I might have been too mean. I took the cupcakes with me and I went outside. Slowly, I walked to her house hoping I could amend the sins I committed. Carrying the cupcakes in one hand, I knocked on her door with the other. As I heard the door swing open. It’s as if by the will of God, a huge gust of wind blew by and as if I had a cupcake magnet on my face. All the cupcakes flew straight into my face. So, there I was standing in front of her with the cupcakes I was supposed to give her… all stuck on my face. She laughed as she watched the cupcakes fly to my face.
She invited me inside and she started to wipe my face with water and soap. The atmosphere between us was so awkward. I finally mustered enough courage to tell her that the cupcakes were for her. She laughed more, and she thanked me for trying to cheer her up. I apologized to her and we sat there and talked, for a really long time. The whole time we were talking, I kept asking myself “Why? Why is she still talking to me? I was so mean and such a terrible person to her.” From our conversation, I realized that she was too forgiving. She has a heart of gold and sees the light in everything. I decided that I wouldn’t be able to make her distance herself from me or myself from her.
I gave up on being the mean person, and I vowed to make amends for the sins I committed. After our weird period of being friends and not being friends in May, mainly due to me. We began to be real friends at the start of June. She asked me why I tried to distance myself from her. I told her about my life, my misfortunes, and what I believed in; How I believed that she was destined for something greater. And again, she smiled and thanked me for my explanation. She thanked me for saying that she was destined for something greater. The days in June are very long, due to June 21st being the summer solstice. Also known as the longest day of the year. The days leading up to June 20th were terrific. The day of my birthday.
On June 19th, she surprised me when I walked her home during the night. We got to the door to her house and she told me to close my eyes. I asked her “Why do I have to close my eyes?” She just gave me one of those looks and I gave up resisting and I closed my eyes.
“You’re not doing anything weird right?” I said with caution. She laughed and told me “No” sarcastically. About two minutes have passed and she tells me to open my eyes. I heard her say “Happy Birthday!” And next thing I knew I felt something creamy and mushy slammed into my face. “No…! Nt agn…” I couldn’t finish my sentence before the cake entered my face.
Even with a face full of cake, there was one thing I focused on. All I can hear is her laughter. It’s such a sweet and innocent laugh, that once you hear it. It feels as if it can cure people’s illnesses and diseases. That’s how angelic her laugh was. We took ten to twenty minutes to clean up the mess and clean me up. How ironic that I got caked again in the same exact spot where I tried to cheer her up.
We laughed about it and she took out a cupcake from her fridge and she stuck a candle at the top of it. She carefully lit the candle and told me to “Make a wish.” I closed my eyes and I made a wish. I blew out the candle and thanked her. “So, what did you wish for,?” She asked me. I smiled saying “It won’t come true if I share what it was.” “Who knows, maybe I can help you make it become true.” She said back. I summoned courage and I hesitantly told her. “I wished that you would be my girlfriend for one day.” What I said made her flustered and blushed.
Those few seconds after I uttered those words felt like an eternity. I was surprised by how quickly she made up her mind. She gave me a thumbs up and told me that “Tomorrow for your birthday, I’ll be your girlfriend for one day. We can go on a date, do couple-like things, and call each other boyfriend and girlfriend.” We laughed once she said that. It sounds so cringy to be calling each other that. We said goodnight to each other and I left her house and went to sleep thinking about all the things we’ll do tomorrow.
You know that feeling when you’re so excited about something that it makes you unable to sleep? Like the night before school starts again. Or when you have a big event you’re going to? I tossed and turned the whole night. Morning could not have come any slower. I couldn’t sleep the whole night, so I got up and began to plan what we were going to do for our day together. After preparing all night, I somehow fainted from exhaustion and slept till 7:00 AM. I woke up, showered, and went over to her house.
Her mother opened the door a bit surprised that I came over so early. I asked her mom if I could help her cook breakfast for her daughter, showing her the bag of ingredients, I had brought with me. She didn’t mind and began to order me to do different tasks. Her father had left already for work. I cooked some seaweed soup for her daughter for breakfast. After cooking breakfast, her mother had to run an errand for one of the neighbors, so she told me to go wake up her daughter.
I bought her breakfast in bed. I quietly entered her room as if it was the library hoping not to wake her up. I was successful in opening her door wide enough to see her sleep in the bed. I guess it really is true, someone looks the most peaceful when they’re sleeping. Due to my clumsiness, I stubbed my toe on the door wall. Unfortunately, that woke her up. She looked at me a bit confused and shocked. Once she recognized it was me she sweetly said “Good morning handsome.” with a smile.
We both burst out laughing due to it being so cringy. “I brought you seaweed soup. Here you go.” I handed the seaweed soup carefully to her. She drank it slowly for the first couple of minutes because the soup was still a bit too hot. Then an idea popped into my head, do something a boyfriend would. I took the seaweed soup from her and I blew on it so it’ll cool down faster. While I blew on the seaweed soup I heard a camera snapshot. I turned and saw she had taken a photo of me.
“I want to capture our day together. I hope that you’re not camera-shy,” she said cheerfully. Once the seaweed soup was cool enough, I fed her carefully. She asked me “What are we doing for today?” I told her that “it’s a surprise.” We finally finished the seaweed soup by 9:00 AM. It shouldn’t have taken that long but we were talking about dreams and birthdays. I washed the dishes while she got ready for our date.
“Hey honey,” I said to her when she came into the kitchen. We didn’t burst out laughing but instead, we smiled and we tried to make it feel less cringy. “We are going morning shopping for clothes,” I said. I knew that she loved to shop a lot and if we go in the morning, the stores wouldn’t be crowded. “Wait, we’re going shopping? With what money?” She asked. I pulled out my wallet from my back pocket and said “Grandma gave me some allowance and my parents sent me some extra money too. Don’t worry about money today. We’ll have enough for everything we’re doing today.” I said as we walked to the nearest mall.
Along the way, we saw other couples holding hands and we made eye contact with each other. It was sudden. It crept up on me without me knowing it; I began freaking out. I felt my body begin to rise in temperature and my heartbeat increased. It was only natural, right? I’ve never had a girlfriend before so I was nervous. I noticed that she was shy about holding hands as well, so I finally manned up after a few minutes of contemplation. I held her hand first. My heart skipped a beat and I began to feel a bit lightheaded. She closed the small gap between us and hugged my whole arm while we walked. I noticed how warm and soft her hand was. “Hey, smile over here.” She said to me. I turned to my right and she had the camera in selfie mode. We smiled for a photo and we continued to the mall.
We arrived at the mall and she began to look for a couple of tees and accessories. I told her that she could shop for clothes and anything else she likes. I’m not much of a shopping person. I enjoy shopping but I’m not crazy about it either. I shop only when necessary. I was filled with joy seeing her be so full of energy doing something she likes. It’s such a rewarding look. Her face every time she finds something cute or something in her fashion taste.
I took the camera from her and I took photos of her the whole time she shopped. One of her classmates saw us and asked her if we were dating. I got red-faced. We agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend for one day but I didn’t want to force her to say yes because we are only dating for one day. She said “Yes, he’s my boyfriend.” without hesitation. I was amazed and grateful for her quick reply. We shopped for about two hours. She was able to get all the clothes she wanted. After we got done shopping and paying for everything, it was 12:00 PM.
We were both hungry from all the shopping, so we went to a nearby restaurant. I chose a restaurant specializing in spicy food because I knew she loved spicy food. To be honest, I can’t handle spicy food very well but it’s not about me. It’s about seeing her smiling and having a great time. We got seated and we ordered boba drinks with our spicy curry. While we waited for our food I asked her if she enjoyed our date so far. She says “Yes.” and thanks me for buying her the clothes and taking her out to eat. Before our food came, she made us take a photo together in our couple’s clothing.
“Hey I have a question I want to ask you,” she asked. “Sure go ahead,” I replied. “If you had to move away from everybody you know and live in a different country because you’re pursuing your dream. Would you still leave everyone you know to pursue your dreams?” She asked me. I was a bit shocked by her question. I thought about it for a few seconds before I gave her my honest answer. “To pursue my dream? But that means leaving everybody I know? I would still do it. Because if I don’t take the opportunity to pursue my dream, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. It’s a very difficult question to answer, it may be a black-and-white answer for some people but you have to consider a lot of different things. I would miss my friends, family, and everyone else that’s important to me. But I would still take that opportunity.” I replied.
“What if you have to leave someone you love?” she suddenly asked. My eyes widen a bit. Why is she asking these questions? “Well, that depends on the person they love. If the person they love supports them and respects their decisions then it’s simple.” I replied. “It’s simple?” she said. “I mean it’s simple for me personally. If I were to make that kind of decision, I would let them go to pursue their dreams. Because who am I to stand in their way?” I said. She was thinking deeply about the words I just said. I asked her “Why are you asking these questions?”
She said that one of her friends is moving away and her friend asked her these questions. She was curious as to how I would respond to the question. We talked a bit about the clothes she got, and our food arrived. She wanted to show me something about her food. She ended up spilling some of the liquid from her plate. I chuckled a bit and I took a photo of her mess before helping her clean up.
She’s so clumsy. Maybe even clumsier than me. But that’s one of her charms. Luckily, none of the curries splashed onto her clothes. I asked the waiter for extra napkins and I helped clean up the spillage. After that little incident, we began eating. As soon as I took that first bite, I knew that it would be very difficult to hide that I disliked spicy food.
I haven’t even swallowed the food yet. Just the contact of the spicy food on my tongue is messing me up. My whole tongue became numb. My forehead began to sweat profusely. She started to notice my facial and body reactions. She asked me if I was okay and I said “Yeah, I’m totally fine while smiling.” Only to cough after swallowing my first bite of curry. She just gave me that look like “Bruh, I know you’re lying.” She took the opportunity to take a photo of me being miserable.
“Thank you for trying to be tough and brave while eating spicy food with me.” She tried to comfort me. She came to my side and patted my back while telling me to drink my boba tea. It was a good thing there was a lot of milk in the boba tea. I was starting to get heat sweats.
“Since you can’t eat spicy food. I’ll just feed you some rice instead. You fed me this morning so let me feed you this time.” she said.
So, there we were. She fed me rice and I fed her the spicy death curry. We ate for an hour, and talked about our favorite foods and why we liked them. After eating, we went to watch a horror movie. By now it’s 1:30 PM. When she said horror movie, I died a bit inside. I’m a coward when it comes to scary or horror films, but I knew that she liked these types of films so I didn’t mind. Plus, what am I afraid of when I have her by my side? This was the perfect opportunity to act tough in front of her… even if I’m scared of scary movies. That was my thought before the film started to play. Once the movie began, I gave up on my plan. Instead, it went something like this.
Not one of my proudest moments in life. Surprisingly we didn’t get kicked out of the theater. The movie took about 2 hours. Yes, I screamed for the first 5 minutes and then I passed out. I woke up again around the middle of the movie. My head was resting on her shoulder. I didn’t move because I didn’t want to disturb her from watching the movie. Toward the end of the movie, she realized I was awake.
I lifted my head and suddenly the scariest scene of the movie popped up with music that made the hairs on my back rise up. I gave one last panic scream. It was 4:00 PM now. We went to a karaoke lounge to sing and dance because she was feeling restless from sitting down for the past 4 hours. We sang and danced until 6:00 PM. We had one last song before we left and she said that she wanted a slow dance song. I took her hand and we danced together slowly enjoying each other’s presence.
I decided to finish our date by spending some time together at a nearby park. We went to a secret spot where no one could find us. It was a remote spot in the park that wasn’t visited frequently. “I hope that you enjoyed our date today, and sorry for being so loud in the theater,” I said to her woefully. “Hey don’t be like, cheer up. It’s totally fine. You sacrificed a lot today by doing the things you dislike for me. I’m really touched.” She responded. That eased my mind more about our day together. We sat down on a nearby bench and watched people walk by.
“Hey Yuuki, there’s been something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time.” She said to me. My heart began to pound. “It’s not what I think it is…?” I said to myself. “I’m leaving Japan soon. I’ve been cast by JYP Entertainment as a trainee to become a Korean pop idol.” She said to me sadly. That was the total opposite of what I was expecting. I was speechless. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but then I remembered. “She was destined for something greater.” The questions she had asked me earlier at the restaurant, this was it. I essentially told her to pursue her dreams and forget about me. I was mad at myself but then I was glad at the same time. If I had to find out like this I don’t know if I will have the strength to say those words I told her earlier at the restaurant.
I disregarded away the negative feeling I initially had about her moving to South Korea. “That’s great. See? I told you that you were destined for something big. When do you leave?” I asked her cheerfully in hopes she wouldn’t notice. “I leave in two days. My parents already knew that’s why they’d been running errands, getting everything prepared for my departure. That’s why I’ve had so much free time to hang out with you.” She replied. “I really enjoyed being your girlfriend today. Thank you so much for everything you did for me today.” She said.
I wasn’t going to be able to hold back the tears. I quickly told her “Can you wait for three minutes? I need to get something really quickly, and I’ll be back. I promise.” I told her. She nodded, and I sprinted for the music shop. I went into an alley by the music shop and I cried silently to myself. I bit my hand to stop myself from crying out loud. The thoughts of not being able to see her anymore flooded my mind. My body felt numb and I was unable to move. I forced myself to move and I entered the music shop. I came back to her and she was still sitting there waiting for me.
I took off the jacket she got for me earlier and gave it to her, so she wouldn’t catch a cold. I could tell that she cried a bit too. Her eyes were watery and her cheeks were reddish. “I wanted to sing a song to you since I don’t know if I’ll ever get a chance to do this again. It’s not only a song for you but it’s also for that future person that you’ll fall in love with” I said. “Is that why you went and bought that guitar?” She asked. I nodded, and I began to sing to her.
“You know what’s funny? The summer solstice is supposed to be the longest day of the year… but the whole day went by a blur. While I was singing, she cried, her hand covering her mouth hoping that she wouldn’t scream because of the sadness. Tears were also coming down my face. I couldn’t continue singing. My emotions overcame me. I fell apart crying. The next thing that happened, shocked the hell out of me. She leaned in towards me and she kissed me… it’s as if the whole world stopped and slowed down to a standstill. Do you know what’s weird? The whole day felt long and it did last long but our kiss, felt like the longest activity we did together that day. I didn’t prepare a going-away present, so I gave her the guitar as a present. She took it and thanked me for the guitar.
I walked her home since it was getting dark. We walked in silence while holding hands. I was cherishing these last few minutes I will ever have with her. We arrived at her house and we said our goodbyes. We agreed to meet up with each other tomorrow at our secret spot. I got home and I slept until it was time to go to our secret spot. I arrived there and I saw that she was already sitting there waiting for me. I sat down with her and we took in the beautiful view that was in front of us. I turned to leave to get us something to eat and drink and I only walked a few steps until I was stopped.
She said to me “I changed my mind, please don’t leave me. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t know what I was thinking that I was able to leave you and everyone behind. Let’s be together forever. I’m afraid that if I leave, I’ll never get to see you again.” I swallowed the words I truly wanted to say “Yes, let’s run away. Let’s go live together where no one can find us.” I wanted to say that but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. I thought she had come to terms with letting me go. I loved that idea… but I was committed to making sure that she wasn’t going to let anything stop her from following her dreams. Even if that meant protecting her from herself. I told her “Whenever or wherever that may be. Let’s meet again after you rocked the stage and lived out your dream. So go, and keep living on with your life. We’ll meet up in the future. I’ll treat you really well then, I’ll love you properly, like a real boyfriend.”
“Does this girl have a name? You’ve been telling me this story and situation, but you’ve never mentioned her name?” Asked the therapist. Tears began to fall down my face. “That’s the worst part, I don’t remember her name. I got into a car accident one week after she left for South Korea. I remember everything we did together, the times we spent together, the words we exchanged. But, I don’t remember her name. Her parents moved, and Grandma passed away in a car crash. My phone was lost in the crash as well.” I replied. “You came in here today saying that you’re having trouble expressing your feelings. I think that the best way for you to express your feelings is what you would say about your experience with her and what you wish for her in life.” The therapist told me.
“The little time we spent together meant so much to me. It gave a happiness I didn’t think I deserved. I should’ve loved you more during that time. And love you in a way that doesn’t make you cry from my immaturity. You’re going to do amazing and you’re going to positively impact people’s lives.” I replied. I left the therapist’s office and I went home. Once I got inside my house my mother told me that a package arrived for me. The package didn’t have the name of who sent it. I noticed strings when I opened the package. It’s the guitar I gave her. There was a letter fell out from the package, then a camera and a packet of photos. I opened the letter and held it in one hand and held the photos in the other. The camera fell out and played the recorded video. The video and the letter synced up perfectly.
Dear Ommna Ueda,
It feels weird writing a letter to someone you were just with… You’re the worst. Being so mean to me when we first met each other. But I understood why after you told me. You deserved to get caked in the face. You’re so brave, you really are. I realize that for our day together as boyfriend and girlfriend, you planned the whole day to do the things I liked. And I’m really grateful to you for doing that. It goes to show how selfless you really are. The seaweed soup you made for me was delicious, I never knew that you could cook. That’s such boyfriend material, although I wish I could’ve seen you in an apron. My heart skipped a beat when you held my hand. I was a bit shocked but I liked how you took the initiative. The couple tees we wore were so comfy and cute. Sorry for shopping for so long, you must’ve been so tired from carrying all the shopping bags.
I’m sorry for lying to you when I asked you about the questions. I was going to ask you what you would do in that situation but I didn’t have the chance to ask because you already answered it. I hope that you didn’t get a stomachache from eating the spicy curry. You look like you were going to faint after that first bite. I hope that you weren’t too scared of the horror movie. I enjoyed seeing your reactions more than the movie itself. Thank you for encouraging me more when I told you about South Korea. I want you to keep the guitar. So that one day you can sing for me again. Stay safe, be healthy, and try not to push away people from yourself okay?
You’ll always be my babe and I’ll always be your baby… I’m crying right now while writing this letter. I wonder how long I will remain in your heart? Was I someone who can trigger cheerful and happy memories for you? How much will you remember me? I’m glad that it was you who I fell in love with. I hope this letter reaches you. You better keep that promise you made to me. I forgive you for what you did. I hope that you can forgive me. I’m sorry I caked you. I’m sorry for being so selfish. I’m so, so, so sorry. Thank you for everything and goodbye…
Your Girlfriend,
Rainey Azil
The photos were arranged in order of the things we did together from our date. Once I got to a part in the letter I dropped one of the photos to reveal the next scene of our date. I dropped down to my knees and I wept. Once Yuuki saw the name, all his memories became clearer. The video on the camera finished playing the letter and the next video broke Yuuki’s soul. When Sana came in and kissed Yuuki, she dropped the camera, and the record button was pressed when it hit the ground. The angle that the camera landed on was perfect. It captured Yuuki and Sana in their moment together, holding the kissing pose.
Yuuki’s heart began to cause him pain and with all the emotions that were flooding his mind. Yuuki hadn’t fully recovered from the car crash. He passed out with the memory of him and Sana kissing imprinted in his mind. Yuuki lay faced down motionless, he was both happy and sad. “I’m sorry Sana, it looks like I’ll see you in the next life. I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep the promise I made to you. I’ll make sure to make it up to you in the next life. He was happy though, happy that he was able to remember her name. Rainey Azil.
Hello, I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on what you enjoyed and what you didn’t. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to comment or email me too! Thank you.
Author’s Note: This was a paper I wrote in high school and the quotes I used in this paper are from Journey to the East by Hermann Hesse [these are edits I made from his quotes]. This paper has a lot of informal writing and is about a part of my high school experience.
9 Minutes Read
“The best of these experiences really worth relating are those which reflect the spirit of it.”
They weren’t kidding when they said that high school was going to fly by very quickly. Honestly, who would’ve thought that? Even uttering those words as a freshman was laughable. Thinking back on those words, I wished that I would’ve taken that statement more seriously. Nevertheless, here we are… less than one week before my classmates and I graduate. For my classmates and I, I liked to think that for us all to get through high school, it was something that we were “[destined] to join in” and whether it was a “great experience” or a terrible one, it was a journey that we had to go through. From this journey, we could learn and find out more about ourselves, what our tendencies are, how we act in certain situations, etc. Everyone has their own goals, aspirations, and promises, that they want to fulfill in their time in high school. Entering high school, I had some goals in my mind that I wanted to achieve. In no order; maintain a 3.0 GPA, finish school and commit to a four-year university, don’t fail or drop any of my classes, etc. Most of which were trivial goals. Most goals, aspirations, and promises can be achieved by how much effort is committed to them. Effort wise for my dedication to my goals, I would say that I stayed dedicated to those goals until I failed or achieved them. I won’t make any excuses for the ones that I couldn’t achieve. Am I disappointed in myself? Yeah, I am, but at one point I decided “whatever happens” I would just let it be. Not everything that a person wants to achieve can be accomplished. “Even if I” was given “ten” or “a hundred” chances to relive my “difficult” journey, I truly believe that I will “always arrive at the same cul-de-sac.” I would be lying if I didn’t say that I wasn’t intrigued by the results of my journey if I would’ve taken a different path, but there was a reason for me to be on this particular path, I just haven’t figured out yet on why I chose this path.
My journey was eventful, to say the least. One event that I’ll never ever forget was the opportunity and time I spent in New York City with my fellow choir members in my sophomore year. We spent five days and four nights, and in that short time span, I truly realized what it meant to be a part of something better and bigger than myself. Words can’t describe the emotions that I felt during those times. We all were connected by a special bond of knowing that we achieved something that is so rare to find and create, we were a family. And yes, we do have a Chico High family, but, this was something that was even more special than that. For us all, we had one common goal that united the whole choir. “They are just a choir,” is how some people would simply see us as. But the bonds that I created with those seniors and juniors that year told me a different story. One incident solidified for me why I considered them my family. On the night before graduation in my sophomore and junior year after “I turned out the light” and “went to [lay on my] bed”, I couldn’t sleep. I stayed awake thinking, wow… After graduation tomorrow, they’ll be gone. I probably will never see some of them ever again. They gave me so much joy in my life and the thought of continuing high school “without [them and their] enthusiasm” was disheartening to the point where I wept. I was selfish in wanting them to stay, which I don’t have an entitled right to but I felt like with the seniors and juniors leaving, “[my journey] itself seemed in a mysterious way [lost some of its] meaning.”
How will people remember me? This honestly feels like self-bragging and I’ve come to the realization that sometimes we don’t talk enough about the positives in ourselves and focus too much on the negatives. It’s hard, honestly. I think that people who know me will remember that I was a kind, generous, and genuine friend/person. I believe that I really was selfless, ninety-five percent of the time I would prioritize another person’s well-being instead of mine. Now you are probably asking why? What benefits do you get from that? Doesn’t that leave you able to be used and harmed? I did it because that’s just the type of person I am. This is ironic considering my father isn’t the greatest of people and I practically grew up without one even though he was around the house. My mother, well my first time ever getting to see her in my life was during the summer after my freshmen year. What little information I could gather after I visited her, made the idea of me being nice, a little less ironic.
To answer the second question above, yes it did leave me in a vulnerable place to be used and potentially be harmed, you may think that I am lying but I couldn’t care less. Of course, I won’t help you anymore if you break my trust or did something that I didn’t like and I won’t be someone who you could rely on. But I said that I couldn’t care less because there once comes a point when you’ve been hurt so many times that it sorts of becomes normal. You may be thinking, what in the heck are you talking about? Trust me on this, I’m going to turn nineteen in less than twenty days. During these short eighteen years that I’ve lived through, I experienced things that would make a person kill themselves to stop the pain and struggle that they must deal with constantly. Now I understand that everybody has a different type of struggle that they must go through and that’s reasonable. I too, like many others believe that their own struggle was unique and different. It’s such an indescribable pain when you somehow get betrayed by almost every close person you associated yourself with within such a short time period. But enough of this, the mood is starting to get too sulky and unwanted.
“All human beings have three faces, one they show to friends, teachers, and acquaintances, another one for family, and one face they never show/share with anyone.” That is what a wise man once told me. This saying has stuck with me for a very long time and it has been proven true multiple times throughout my life, hearing this statement and seeing it happen. The more I thought about it and the more I saw it happened, I was convinced that it was true but the wise man never told me if the third face was a positive or negative one? The way I acted in school was the same way I acted outside of school. Would I still act the same way as I do now in the future? No, “what!”, well change happens and it’s inevitable, but I would want people to know me like how people in high school knew me. I still want to be that kind, generous, and reliable friend/person. I’ll change in some aspects but I know it within myself that they won’t be bad things/changes. Of course, there will always be the “three faces” type of deal but I still want to remain as genuine as possible. Being this type of person has been beneficial for most of my life. I don’t have people who I would consider my enemies, I’ve surrounded myself with a great group of friends, and people really appreciate the type of person I am. Overall, I would want to remain as much of myself as possible.
With every journey, there needs to be a reflection. A reflection back on the journey that you’ve undertaken and see if you’ve made an impact. I truly don’t believe that I didn’t do anything that impacted other people. Or this is just me being humble but I honestly didn’t do anything special. Sure, I did four years of volleyball and four years in choir but that wasn’t anything special. Yes, I did both student government and Sac Street boys both in the same year but that’s not special. I was picked as one of the students to receive an award on Thursday night who teachers have recommended students that they deem have been a positive impact on the staff or the school. And I am very grateful for that, never thought that I would receive an award for simply being nice. In my own opinion, I don’t think that I impacted the school in any significant way. If anything, I can only believe it by my own self-given validation. I wasn’t a very artistic person, wasn’t the best player on the court, nor was I the best singer in the choir, not to mention not even one of the smartest students in my graduating class. I was just a “regular” student who didn’t want to disappoint himself, his peers, or his teachers. What I would consider someone as an impactful individual is someone who will be remembered for a very long time. Most students will be forgotten by their teachers, I’m just like them, after a short period of time everyone will be forgotten, and the only ones who will be remembered, are the impactful ones.
Oh my god is it over? Less than five more days before this journey truly ends, but when one door closes, another one opens. Now I can use this. “I was overcome by an infinite weariness and desire to sleep, and I turned away [from the computer] to find [my bed] and sleep [for a couple of hours before I have to finish my journey].”
“He who travels far will often see things far removed from what he believed was the truth.”
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MX Creations Blog 
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